Man, he just can’t re-sist playing head games with me. You know who I’m talking about. Crow; silly, silly, silly Crow. I was finally getting over it- closure; like, okay Chloe’, it’s really over. It didn’t hurt as much to see him in the halls, he wasn’t somehow raveled in every passing thought. I was smiling and flirting, with other guys.

Moving on.

But now he’s chosen to come back into my life. Quietly, without warning. One day we’re not even talking, taking all costs to avoid each other; and the next he’s hugging me and texting me nonstop and smiling at me in the halls. I wish I could say I’m not falling for him again, but that’d be a lie. I never even really got over it completely. … How could I?

Justin and I were in  the library studying when he said: “So, I talked to Crow…”. My heart skipped not just one but a million beats and I had to, once again, extract it from my throat. “Why?” I asked immediately. He then explained they had been hanging out (they’re in some club to-gether) and he asked him if he liked Lauren. Justin explained that he had said no to that one pretty quickly. Then he asked about me. I don’t know why he did exactly, maybe he just wants answers like I do. “Well, I’ll leave that up to you to de-cide.” That was his re-sponce. Crow’s dumb, stupid, can-be-interpreted-any-way response to whether or not he liked me. For me though, it’s a lot of hope.

It’s so funny looking back at all of the guys I’ve liked since grade 7. Well, the funny part is seeing where them and I stand nowadays. Some I haven’t even talked to in about a year, others have be-comes best friends. Unfortunately, none of them ever ended particularly well. Oh well, just another ten or so names to cross off my forever-love list… Ha-ha, what a joke. :] But anyways, this song is to them; all of them. All the dumb good-by’s I could never muster.

Fifteen Minutes Old – Snow PatrolI`m good for inspiration, aren`t I?
You will find
Well, close the door and I`ll go anywhere
You take me to from this bed onto so much more
Care for you, I will
Can I have a picture of you tonight
Keep it with me always in my mind
Touch me cause I can`t move
I can barely breathe,
speechless, breathless
I can`t tell you if I`m here or not
Running both legs tied together
Arms in the air
Care for you, I will
Can I have a picture of you tonight
Keep it with me always in my mind

So me and Cookie broke it off. We agreed that since he was graduating it would be better if we cooled it off. We never really talked anyways, I felt like I was with a stranger when I was with. He’s the absolute opposite of what I’m looking for in a guy. I can’t say I’m geuinlly depressed, because I’m not, sure I’ll kind of miss the ncie things he said about me, but when i think about Courtney said, I think she was right, it felt like he was just feeding me lines. Summer’s a time to relax and enjoy life, and I plan to do just that.

Me and Butter have been texting back and forth all day. On the last day of school (yesterday) he left 5 minutes after he got to school, and I didn’t get a chance to say good-by. After he left, my phone started vibrating, but I figured it was Cookie texting me, so I didn’t pick up, it was actually Butter calling to say good-by! I called him back, and we talked for a few minutes before the first bell rang. Here’s how the texts followed:

Me: Hey kid! Butter: Hey wats up Me: Aw man. I wish I could’ve said good-by. Butter: i no. same here. i couldn’t find you yesterday morning. i was mad that I couldn’t say good-by but we have to hang out this summer. Me: Haha. Yea. I broke up with my bf, so me, you, lauren, and joren could hang at the mall sometime, and if ur ever in [my neighborhood], come by my house! Butter: Why? And hell yea, now I can come to the mall with you people

it goes on. but that was the most interesting.

for a while, iw as wearing my favorite pair of jeans and getting people to sign them, and Butter wrote: ‘I love you’ so sweet.

Anyways, enough about boys. My blog used to be so interesting, I used to write about life concepts and world issues, now I write just like any other teen. I will try to return to my mature state of mind. I’ve just been a little cluttered lately.

Well, today I went to an antique show. Me and my dad went over to this bench and he started talking, and he reminded me so much of Johny Nolan from a tree grows in Brooklyn, my mother actually remind sme of Katie, Johny’s wife, and my dad said I was always like Francie, the daughter. If all this is true, am I but a character in a book? If you’ve ever read A Tree Grows In Brooklyn, you know Johny dies when Francie is 14. I’ve always ahd the premonition that my dad would die young, and that I would die about 4 years after him. WIll he die next year? Is he just a character in a book? Are we all but characters in sad stories?

I think everyone’s life would make a decent story. Can you imagine? Reading everyone’s life stories? How amazing would that be?

hmm, i find myself thinking about Cookie nearly nonstoply. I just can’t wait until I can see him before school, after 3rd, 4th hour and after school in all. I can’t believe he is graduating in all but 3 days!!! :[ He is soooo sweet, I just wish I could see him more. I learned something interesting about him, he’s actually only 9 months older than me. Hell, that’s nothing. His birthday is March 4th (if I remember correctly). *sigh* i don’t get to see him for another 15 minutes… 15 WHOLE minutes, i feel like I’m just staring at the clock waiting for it to change…

We don’t even ride the same bus, although we do live within  20-minute walking distance from eachother.

I haven’t told my parents about him yet. If I do, they’re going to overreact because he’s in 8th grade (soon to be highschooler). I’m pretty much allowed to hang out with anyone I want whenever I want. Even if it’s some 16 year-old guy that I “supposedly” am friends with, I’m free to do as I choose. But as soon as any boy is my “boyfriend” my parents label him off. They’re going to assume we’re off doing something stupid, and they won’t let me hang out with him in the neighborhood, at parties, or at the mall. Therefor I need to make Cookie seem like nothing more than a friend, otherwise, we are doomed to a most boring love life…

Me, him, Lauren and her boyfriend Joren will probably spend a lot of time at the mall with eachother. I hope so, I’m going to miss Cookie incredibly unless I seem him everyday, all day. :]

Despite this… I had so much fun with Pumpkin in 3rd hour today. (He even let me wear his jacket!!) hmm, although I like Cookie a lot, I cannot avoid the fact that I am totally, absolutely in love with someone else. :[ I feel like Pumpkin was made for me, and I was made for him. I’d do anything for him, but he’ll never feel the same (as far as Middle School goes)

 I like Cookie a lot, but can I lie and say I love him?? Love takes time to grow, and despite that Pumpkin is so possitively perfect, he’s also fairly unattainable. Cookie is for the here and now, but I have a feeling, Pumpkin is for the long-run.

All day, people were harassing me about breaking up with Cookie (even though it was a 20 hour relationship) Apparently everything Courtney had told me about him was dead wrong. He’s a funny, dedicated sweetheart.

I talked to him after school. I told him what an idiot I was and that I would give anything if he would go out with me again. And he said… Yes! No hesitation!!

He’s sooooooo sweet! We’re talking on AIM, look at some of the things he said:

“[18:14] me: sure does put a damper on your mood doesn’t it?
[18:14] Cookie: ya but now that im talkin 2 you
[18:14] me: :] <3
[18:15] me: i’m like, super sorrry i broke it off with you, X-X i guess i wasn’t thinking,
[18:15] me: about 5 minutes later,
[18:15] me: i was like: “what the hell did i just do?”
[18:15] Cookie: its ok
[18:15] Cookie: i was like omg y
[18:16] me: i felt really bad too, because everyone was like: “OHMIGOD! WHY’D YOU BREAK UP WITH -censor-??? HE’S SO NICE!!!” and i think ‘yeah, yeah i know’
[18:16] me: it was the longest day of my life
[18:16] Cookie: mine 2
[18:16] me: aww, i’m really really sorry
[18:17] me: i like you A LOT
[18:17] Cookie: it ok
[18:17] me: i wish you could hear the sincerity in my voice right now
[18:17] Cookie: i like you alot more”

“[19:06] me: im really sad to see school end
[19:07] Cookie: ya me 2 especcial because i met you
[19:07] me: aw, thanks… well its not like i see you that much at school anyways too bad
[19:08] Cookie: well i see u in the courtyard and after 4th hour
[19:08] me: yea,
[19:09] Cookie: i hate going home
[19:09] me: why?
[19:10] Cookie: cause i cant see u untill tommorrow”

“[20:02] Cookie: yesterday and 2day you were all i could think about”

“[20:07] me: i just didn’t know /why/ you’d want to go out with me, i’m not very interesting, and i complain way too much, lol
[20:08] Cookie: i dont care i love you anyway”

“[20:42] Cookie: ugh
[20:43] me: ?
[20:43] Cookie: i miss you so much rite now”

“[20:44] me: i’ll ask lauren if we can go sometime next week
[20:44] Cookie: ok
[20:44] Cookie: ok
[20:45] Cookie: i hope we can i wanna spend my whole summer with you”

He’s such a sweetheart. Note: just because I’m going out with Cookie doesn’t mean I’m still not absolutely in love with Pumpkin, I just needed a break from him I guess. If we’re meant to happen, it will. Right now, I just feel like living in the here and now. :]

So I broke it off with Cookie yesterday. He took it well, but everyone’s saying (besides Courtney) that I shouldn’t have broken it off with him. Apparently, he likes me a lot more than I thought he did…

 I feel like I made a mistake breaking up with him, but I didn’t know anything about him. That in addition to the things Courtney’s told me, and that he’s graduating in a week, just kind of made me think he wasn’t worth it…

He wants to hang out with me this weekend, should I?? I would really like to get back together with him when I know a little mroe about him…

Everyone I’ve talked to says he’s a great guy and that i was so stupid for breaking it off…

I feel like I’ve made this absolute horrible mistake, and I wish I could go back and change it… I really need to talk to Cookie about us…

Advice? What should I say?

Uh, i don’t know what to do. Courtney had me convinced I was going to break it off with Cookie, but then when we started talking on AIM, he seemed so sincere, and I learned some about him, and despite what Courtney says, he seems like an okay person. And, he LIKES me, he’s already planning how we can still go out next year when he graduates. He’s so sweet.

Courtney tells me all these horrible things about him, how he’s a player, and that he’s scum and how I shouldn’t trust him. She says he’s going to cheat on me and that he’ll use me. But he just seems so damn sincere.

On AIM he was telling me stuff like how “he felt different around me” and that “he really liked me” and “he wanted to make it work”. And he told me he loved me again. Is he just telling me what I want to hear?

I trust Courtney’s advice a lot, but doesn’t everyone deserve a chance? He hasn’t given me a reason not to trust him.

In spite of this, my sister (technically half-sister) Diana graduated last night. I couldn’t go to the graduation (bummer) but my dad took some good pictures. I’ll put them up here when I get a chance.

But seriously with this whole Cookie thing I could use some advice. Hello? Is there anyone out there?

jesse-di-and-dad.jpg

That’s Diana in the middle, my other half sister jessica is to the left and thats my dad on the right

that’s right. you heard me correctly. Supposedly, i am no longer single. but, here’s the weird thing, i’m with neither pumpkin, nor butter. Insanity right?? Well, here’s the whole story.

Today me and a bunch of friends (it was for the school’s band trip) went to this waterpark. I’d always known about my friend Kyle’s best friend… well… we’ll call him ‘Cookie’. So Kyle introduces us, and sometime about half way through the day, Cookie literaly kidnaps me from my buddies. Later, he asks me out.

I find it hard to believe, I mean we’ve just met. Apparently Kyle’s told him a lot about me. I always thought Cookie was cute, and he’s really funny, and I think if we got to know each other a little better, we’d find we have a lot in common. But, I’ve never had an actual conversation with him before today. And I’ve been single for so long, I actually wonder, hell, is this a joke? But he’s texted me twice and called a few times… he also imed me. And, just a couple minutes ago, he told me he loved me. why go through that if he wasn’t for real??

But anyways, I said yes. (I just couldn’t say no, he looked so adorable when he asked) I figure, I’ll give it until the end of the school year. If we click, hell, we’ll stay together a while longer. If we realize we have nothing in common, we split. Seems simple right?

It seems wrong. I am so in love with Pumpkin, and then there’s Butter…

my friend says Cookie’s a player, and that maybe he’s not such a good boyfriend. but i don’t know what to do. he’s about a year and a half older than me,

any help here??