The past few nights have been torture. Last Thursday, I had a dream that I got raped while I was in a hotel, where a man forced me into the bed in his room. I talked to Courtney about it, and she told me I was over paranoid and that I needed to relax, so I did just that. But Tuesday, I had another dream that someone was following me. On Wednesday, I had another dream that someone came into my house when no one was home. Last night was the worst. I had a dream that I was getting dressed, and there was someone in my closet, he jumped out at me and pinned me to the floor. I woke up hyperventilating around 1 in the morning. I was so relieved when I realized it was just a dream. I got up, checked my closet and shut the door, I went to the Living Room to make sure my dad was still asleep on the couch, he was so I ran back into my room and buried myself in my sheets. I finally fell back asleep at about 3 in the morning to have the same dream greet me. Except this time, my dad walked in in the middle of it, but the man who was pinning me down said: ‘There’s nothing you can do to help her’ and my dad left the room and closed the door and I started screaming. I woke up at 6 or so, and checked the closet and couch again, then went back to my bed, but I couldn’t fall asleep. At 6:30 I turned on the TV and at about 7 my dad woke up (I was so relieved the night was over). I’m afraid to go to sleep at night, and I’m even worse during the day. I constantly look behind me, I stay close to my dad in public places, and I don’t leave the house unless I have to. I start to hyperventilate whenever someone accidentally bumps into me or when my dad gets out of eye vision. I usually don’t take dreams so seriously, but I have a really bad feeling about this. It’s like a premonition, and I’m scared to death. It doesn’t help that there have been 2 rapes on my street in the last year. And that guy, Jeremy creeps me out. It’s a 20-something year old guy that used to follow me home from the bus stop. Everyday, after school he’d follow just behind or just in front of me and Sebastian. Even Sebastian admitted it was weird how he knew everything I wore everyday. When he asked me how old I was, I actually said: ‘I don’t know’ Then I pretended someone was calling me so I took my cell out and talked to my imaginary friend, even though my phone was dead. I hated that Sebastian couldn’t walk home with me (he lives on the street in front of me). After about a month, he went away. I was so relieved. But the other day, when I was taking my dog for a walk, I saw him. I quickly turned the corner and acted like I was really busy. When I came around the other side of the street, he was sitting on the side of the road watching me! It was so scary, I was grateful I had my dog with me. It’s even worse that he knows where I live. It freaks me out.

I’m probably overreacting, but this is scaring me to death. I have the absolute worst feeling about it. If I have to stay home alone, I make sure all the doors and windows are locked, and then I sit in my room with the phone.

Every noise I hear, it’s killing me. I know I can’t do anything about it. I can’t even stand getting dressed anymore, I can’t stand looking at my body anymore, I feel like it’s already sinned.

I’m the kind of person who once they get their mind set on something, worries a lot. I know there’s like a 99% chance nothing will happen, but I just want the assurance.

Any advice out there? I’m scaring myself to the grave.