Well ,there’s a new guy (sort of) I’ve liked him since a schoo ltrip a couple weeks ago. He’s sweet and quiet, and funny as hell too. Hmm, we’ll call him Butter (why not?) He’s good enough I guess. He’s very good-looking, with blond hair and blue eyes (not my usual huh?) and some people think he likes me (i don’t think so)…

 but then i see Pumpkin,

and i think: ‘God, I wish he was mine.’ I don’t think I’ll ever get over that kid. I’ll be getting married and think of Pumpkin. We’re such good friends now, a lot of girls like him, but he chooses to hang out with me. Some girls are even jealous of me, because of our friendship, which is so strange. I know he has absolutely 0% romantic interest in me. But then I think, God, if I was in a pretty girl’s body, he would be mine forever. Lauren told me: “well, if you guys ever do get together one day, I think you’re going to be together for a really long time,” And I think so too. Our personalities click like puzzle pieces. But he’s just so beautiful, and if he has his choice of all these beautiful girls, why would he pick me?

One day. I tell myself. One day, he’s going to settle down, and he’s just going to want someone to talk to, and that’s when I’ll be there.

If I have to wait until I’m 80, I’ll wait, because that’s how much I love him.

I just want to see him happy, I can’t help but smile when he smiles. When he hugs me, I feel like I’ll be eternally happy.

This little “crush” has gone on too long. Nearly a year now. Nearly a year… Has it really been that long? I can barely grasp it.

I love everything about him. His smile, his voice, the way he scratches his forehead when he’s nervous. I can even put up with his short temper and attitude. I’ve taken his imperfections and learned to love them. I just love every little thing about him. How that one little hair, /always/ go in the wrong direction, no matter how much hairspray he puts in. The way he /thinks/ he’s such an ass when he’s a total sweetheart. I love how he thinks he is such a mean person. He doesn’t even KNOW how great he is. To other people, he’s just a pretty face, a few sarcastic comments, and some tight jeans. But he’s my sun. I don’t go a minute without thinking of him. I am so, so, so in love with him.

I just want to hug him and never let go. I want him to know al lthis, yet I’m happy he knows not a thing.

I want him to be happy. I just want to see him smile. And if that means seeing him with another girl, than I will live with it, just so I can see him smile once more.

Oh, pumpkin, don’t you know how much I love you? Don’t you know I’d go to the end of the world for you?? But you’re so so so clueless.

But so, I have Butter, who people /say/ wants to ask me out. and he’s nice, and cute and sweet, and plenty of girls would KILL to go out with him. But I know I could never go with him, if I feel this strong about another guy.

Is there any answer to this insanity? advice anyone?