I feel icky. It has not been a very good week… there isn’t exactly anything specific to complain about actually… but it’s just a lot of little things that are starting to make me feel like “Gee, will this nightmare ever end?”
1. I just found out my parents took a few thousand dollars from my college fund to pay off some bills.
2. Right now my dad’s having this super migraine-attack and he can’t move and he’s laying on the couch about to throw up, and it’s freaking me out, because it came on really fast, and he couldn’t even move from his car, he had to call me on his cell to help him up the drive way.
3. Now that Ari’s single… he’s being all BFF-ey with me, and as much as I missed him, it’s not like I can just be like: “Gee, you ditched me for 6 months, but now that its convienet for you, lets be best friends!” -__- He made me sit in his lap today at this assembly thing, and it was really awkward, because then his ex (one of my best friends) just walks up, and it was amazingly weird for me…
4. Pumpkin is confusing me. Some days I’m like, god, I think I may have a chance with him, and the next he does something that toally makes me think other wise. it kind of saddens me
5. -i’ve censored this- not like anyone reads my blog /anyways/ but, i don’t know, i think if she did ever read this it would hurt some major feelings.
6. It seems like I’m invisible. I’ll say something and then the two other people will just talk over me. It make sme feel insuperior, like I’m unimportant.
7. I never have any fun. Ever. I’m sitting here alone, on a Friday night writing this long list of complaints. So sad.
8. I feel like I’m constantly complaining, and that I’m bothering every one. And that I am so freakishly selfish.
9. I got more work done o nmy teeth and I haven’t really eaten anything good and filling since yersterday morning. I don’t eat lunch at school usually, and the day after i got the work done, i was too sore to eat dinner, the next day (today) i still wasn’t well enough to eat anything and same goes for lunch. I had some icecream at the end of school, and some yogurt when i got home. But I’m still pretty starved, but my mouth is killing me!
Well, there is one thing to smile about. Pumpkin’s been talking to me a lot more. And I’ve noticed a pattern. When we’re alone he’s always super sweet and nice. When there’s someone else there, he’s like a totally different person. Sweet, sweet kid, but when Courtney or Deven or anyone to be perfectly honest walks into the picture, it’s just like BAM! he tries extra hard to be different. I don’t like this side of him! He’s so much nicer when we’re alone! It’s just like, he’s putting on this show… it’s so sad… hmm, yet ANOTHER thing to be sad about.
well, I guess they’re are a lot mroe things to be sad about than to be happy about. You’ve got war and poverty and world hunger, and people can just go to school and laugh it off cause some kidd’s fly’s down (didn’t actually happen mind you)! It seems so unimportant! We could have it so worse. We could be sold as sex slaves, or dieing of cancer. I mean, and then we can just go and smile and say “Well, I really like this boy…” I don’t understand, don’t understand.
And then I feel guilty when I look at my drum fund (up to about $90 now) and think, gee, that could really help someone, and I think, I don’t need a drumset! This could go and buy food for the hungry, yet I have second thoughts about giving the money to charity? God am I so selfish! I’m going to let my greed take me over, and get soemthing I want over something I need. That’s why I decided to do a charitable fundraiser, and giving $20 of my drum fund. But I still feel like I’m not giving enough. I take so much more than I give.
I can go to the mall, and buy 4 pairs of jeans, when that money could’ve aided a crisis victim! AH! I am so selfish, I feel absolutely horrible that I don’t give enough.
I mean, I don’t need those 4 jeans, I really don’t even need 1 pair, if I just have a pair of shorts. And then that $100 or so, could’ve helped someone so much! ;-; it’s so sad!
so, overall, I haven’t been in a very good mood. Excuse my sharp tongue and negative-energy.
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