another weird dream. i actually really like the concept and i think i may write a bok out of it (too late, im already on chapter 4)

So it started off that I was with this weird family, and then I commit suicide by jumping off a cliff outside our house. The valley is deep and I fall for hours, a bright light fills up the sky. Someone catches me. It’s Michael, a guy I haven’t seen for months (not Jessica’s Michael, a different Michael I met over the summer) and we go back to the other side of the valley that no one has ever discovered. Mattio (Michael’s twin brother) was there and so were a bunch of other people I couldn’t put a name to. I stayed with them for a few months. They kept calling me the star. I found out the light that had litten up the sky was actually an eat-and-go sign above a gas station. Michael went in to get us some lunch and then I jumped over the cliff again. The whole ground lit up white like a giant star, and it caught me (like one of those anti-gravity bubbles) then it dissappeared and I stood up. The canyon was dark again. I saw a swing, so I went over and started swinging. I was sitting there swinging for days, weeks maybe. All I could see was the days passing by. Then somehow I was on the other side again. Mattio immeadiately hugged me and yelled out my name. But Michael seemed mad. “That was immature and child-like of you,” is what I really remember him saying well. “You can be a spoiled brat, Chloe’, you know that? Do you ever try to think about anyone but yourself?” I was so heartbroken. I saw he was holding some sort of clipboard, so I took it and saw it was a military sign-up sheet, so I ran to this broken down barn that is actually at my bus stop and started fighting off “The Shadows” And then Michael came to help me. Then he got mad saying i had put myself in danger and all that. And I started crying, and then my alarm went off and I woke up.

aw, i liked that dream. If I could go back, I would.

So then that day, I decided to call Michael. I talked to him for a few minutes and then he had to go. He wasn’t the sweet funny Michael I remembered. It kind of hurt me that he had changed so much. He was nothing like my dream-Michael, no where near as kind or heroic, but I guess everyone changes.

I guess there are just some people I wish would never grow older. Like Michael for example. Is that unfair of me? Or selfish? Like my dream-Michael told me? Am I being immature and childlike? If it was up to me, I would never want him to get any older. I care very little of my own age, I could grow old and wither up and die, but when i think about Michael turning 15, he seems so distant… I wish he could be 14 forever. Even if I’m some old lady in a rocking chair I’d like to have the satisfaction to know that at least my one pleasent childhood memory had remained unchanged. I want him to be trapped inside a photograph, mine to look at and remember whenever I wanted to (always).

Okay, that is pretty selfish of me, but whenever I think of him or some other people too, getting odler, it hollows out some mysterious part of me and I feel strangely empty. Like as they change and grow, they’re taking away the memories they left me.

It hurts.

I wish I could stop time. Forever. I could see Josh and Michael again and all the people I did care about, that disappeared with time. Maybe I am scared of getting older, of change. I want to stay where I am forever. So what if I’m not the most popular girl in school, or I’m still not old enough to do a lot of things. I don’t care, I’ve already missed out on so much because I thought I had all the time in the world.

And apprently,

I have a lot less than I thought.