I’m very bored, but I can’t think of anything to write about.

So right now, I will reflect on my life.

I realize now, I’ve been really confused on what’s happening. And lately, it seems like my sense of right and wrong has been clouded. I mean I’m not saying I’ve done anything I’m going to regret or anything, or like I did drugs or smoked or something CRAZY like that. But I just fel like something happens and I just wonder to myself, /am i doing this right?/

I’m talking to my friends and then I just wonder /is this right?/ or /can i really trust him?/

I’m just, I don’t know, i think confused is really the best way to put it. They should make a rulebook of life. like #1: don’t trust her. #2: don’t talk to him on Tuesday, you guys are going to fight.

Can you imagine how much easier life would be if you had one of those in your pocket? And whenever you were unsure you can just take it out and look? And suddenly you know the way? You know the RIGHT way?

God am I frusterated!

Okay, me and Ari have been (like REALLY) best friends since the beginning of the school year. I mean he never really was like /hot/ or anything but he was cute and nice and funny, and we BONDED. We tried the whole “more than friends” thing for about an hour, but it just didn’t /work/. I never really had that much of a problem before, because like I said he wasn’t like drop dead gorgeous or anything. We were both single fishes that always stuck together. A lot of people harassed us about that too.

But anwyays, now I’m pretty mad (not at him, no no not at all) because he dyed his hair like this brownish-blonde and everyone’s like “ohmigosh he’s so hot!!!1!!111one!” I /honestly/ don’t see /much/ difference. I’ll admit he looks a lot cuter but for real, a DYE JOB can turn him into the /new/ cutest guy on campus? That’s just really shallow on the school’s part. I mean seriously.

I don’t get what the big deal is. People dye their hair all the time. What makes /this/ any different than when Maddy snuck out and dyed her hair black or when Noel went out and dyed the tips red, no that was /no/ big deal. What makes Ari’s hair ANY different?

I don’t know why I care so much, I just can’t STAND how shallow people can be sometimes. I mean God, have a little depth, even only if it’s a few feet of flavored water. I mean let’s just play pretend for a few minutes. What if Ari gets all caught up in his ego (he has in the past) and then he thinks because everyone wants to be his friend now, he can just get rid of me like an old T-shirt. I mean that /really/ could happen. At my school stuff like that happens all the time. It’s really sad, but it really does happen all the TIME. 

Wow, Ive really taken control of this blog, some people write in like once a month and when they do it’s like a few sentences. I hope you realize I’m spilling my guts right hear. Right on this stage, I’m really spilling my guts. Not as eliquent as I may have imagined but it’ll do the trick.

I finsihed Catcher in the Rye. It really had a weird ending. Phoebe’s on the Carosoul and Holden’s sitting on the bench watching her and it starts to rain, and she’s reaching for the golden ring but he doesn’t want her to reach for it or anything. My dad says that that’s symbolic of not wanting to grow up, but I just don’t really follow, I guess I kinda do. And according to dad, in the last chapter, he’s in a mental hospital. Boy, that ending was really soemething else.

So here I am, in Math class /again/

 So my dad is going crazy for real. Usually it’s mom the one going nutsy and my dad the one “protecting” and “defending” me, but lately it’s been quite the opposite. He won’t let me buy black nail polish, and he honestly thinks I’m cutting my wrist and all that. I mean for God’s sake, he thought John was /emo/, that guy’s so NON-emo it’s scary. I mean I don’t want him thinking stuff like that about me anyways. It, quite frankly, /disturbs/ me.

We used to have such a strong bond, but now everything I do he question, it’s really annoying me. Maybe if he was home more, he’d have the authority to say soemthing was wrong with me, which is pretty much how he’d put it. I insist that there is NOTHING wrong with me, except for maybe a slight brain disfunction.

 Well, at least there ain’t no testing today.

Oh, and I’m going to paint my nails thios bright, bright (like scary bright) pink.