• February 2018
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My Secret Day

by chezkoi:hellokitty.com

Today is a special day for me in a way. Sometimes I’m not too proud of, especially lately, but I used to love it. Things were better then though. Times has been rough the past few years, too rough to enjoy. Either I had no money, or I had just been too miserable. Now, I just don’t think it’s worth the time, money…it doesn’t seem worth much no more because the reason or subject of this day seems worthless.

For now, I just would like to remember a dear friend their my whole childhood until 2006 who is no longer with me::

Muffy,

I miss you and I love you and I never forget you. There has not been a day so far I can rememeber (even though my memory is bad) that I have not thought, if even for a moment, of you. When I am happiest, for some reason I thank you, and when I am at my lowest times, I think of you, and cry to you. I talk it out with you in spirit, and I pray to you to make it better. And even though, when going through the tough times, I will cry a lot to you to take me with you, I do not really mean it. I guess in all I really do want to live out my life and when I die, we will be reunited again and I cannot wait til the day. But until, I still love you and I hope you know this and I thank you for continuing to be my guardian angel throuout my life.

Love Eternally, Cheza

I think I see the light now..

by chezkoi:hellokitty.com

All this instability really got to me lately. Traveling from place to place, not quite sure how I’ll get to wherever it is I end up that night or how I’ll get to wherever it is when needed the next day. Where I’ll sleep that night,  where I will have to leave my stuff, when can I get my stuff. How to be with whom I want when I want.

How to make it all work…that is what I desire right now. I need some kind of guidance, but know one seems to have that…know one else can seem to help me, know one else knows.

I have thoughts…and no one is there to hear them so I can be helped.

But then, lady, a stranger, saw my despair and she prayed for me to have the strenght I need and the guidence I need.

Oddly, as realistic as it may seem, I sort of think it worked. Ever since that day, things have been easier for me. Everything seems to be falling into place now.

I was told that I would be rewarded for getting through these troubles. I hope so.

Already to start, I’m more stable. I sort of have two places to stay while I try to move(again) into a place more my own. I still have those days where my plans are changed at last moment and I switch nights I spend at each but I have a constant ride now for the most part.

I am still happily with my boyfriend but my relationshp with my BFF continues to fail. I went to visit her the other day and I had some stuff at her house so as I was leaving I decided to get some of it to bring to my mom’s house which is where I am ‘mainly’ living. She got mad instantly and then started complaining that she had to be the work soon but at the same time she told me that I might as well grab all my stuff.  ???? So what does she want? Does she want me to really take it all or does she want us to stop and bring her to work. So trying to be polite & bring out the last bag I had. The next thing I know she’s roughly grabbing my things and slightly throwing them together into the hall way for me to get. This made me mad. This is the main reason why I wish not too see her so much lately because she has been acting like this. But she complains that I never talk/visit her anymore. I hope she’ll one day realize why when I’ve stopped finally…along with alomost everyone else who has already.

Another thing I need to get off my chest is how she told me I don’t have anything compared to her. She thinks she’s better than me (or doing better) because she has her own place and I’m not. The only reason she has her own place (with nothing in it but a matress, a dresser, the smallest tv and her stuff in her room) is from the money she gets ’stripping’ and I refuse to take my clothes off for some money. Honestly I think I have it better. I have  a good job running an internet cafe that I might inherit someday and most importantly I have friends and people who enjoy beng around me. So in the end she may gloat about what she has but she won’t have anyone to share it with soit will be worth nothing while everything I will obtain, let it be a home, car, or whatever even personal things I will at least have people to show, share, and enjoy it with and in the end that will matter because I’ll be happy and she won’t.

So for now, I’ve kinda just let her go to do her own thing while I’ll do mine.

So right now my short term goals are to get another job for extra income. At the moment I do make enough to live good off of for my first job. What I want the second job for is to help get more income to save for things like a car and a place and I really want to but some people things that I had to pass up since I had just moved close to Christmas time and had no more to buy for others.

Well wish me luck! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Cheza

Fiesta!!!

by chezkoi:hellokitty.com

de mi amour’s hermana’s Inlaw familia.

So after work, my boyfriend and his sister and his brother in law picked me up and invited me over to his brother in law’s family weekend party. It was really fun! Everyone was dancing almost the whole night. I did not mingle much because I am a very shy person but I still had fun. Mostly we hung out outside with the dogs and the kids.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ChezK.

treynlula2.giftreynlula1.gif

My Valentines

by chezkoi:hellokitty.com

This I would say I felt is my first true and special Valentines.  I didn’t do anything too special, but I was with some one extremely special. He got me a very adorable red bear that he stuck a chocolate rose in the grip of its arms but someone in the house unfortunately has eaten the chocolate rose. (T.T)

He also got me chocolates and smothered me in XOXOXOX which I loved best! (^.^)V!

Then, as my gift to him since he doesn’t particularly care for chocolate or stuffed animals, I took him out to eat.

Things got a little crazy on Valentines so the day after I treated dinner @ La Carreta (Mexican food). He loved it and i did too! I enjoyed most of the dinner that it was just the two of us.  ~  ロマンチック!!! (^.^)VVVVV!!!

He ordered the shrimp and steak fajita and I ordered a Bean and cheese burrito with rice.

Later we went to a parade. (My first in years!)

I took some pictures of today but I didn’t have time to upload and post.

This one I saved for today:

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO ChezAi

Bumper Cars!

by chezkoi:hellokitty.com

So yesterday, I had a friend coming to pick me up from work and a few minutes after she tried to stop at a red light and the car hydroplaned into the one in front. It wasn’t so bad though. The car in front just got a crack and some paint scratches on the bumper in primarily the one spot. But my friend’s car was all messed up in the front. The hood was smashed up and the lights broke out. She still managed to drive it home though. I saw it coming. Believe it or not I was thinking of a similar scenario as I was waiting for her to come. But it was something that made my day abit more interesting.

So my phone came in yesterday too! Just this morning I took some pictures to try out on the phone. Then I edited them in photoshop.

warui.gif

 

 

Also I tried takin a picture of my nail design but it did not show good. Maybe I’ll try again to take better ones but it is a bit difficult on a phone camera due to its lack of quality in most cases compared to a regular digital camera.

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It was V shaped gold and black tip design and three fingers had the jewels on it. This has to be one of my least favorite designs I have had done. The people first of all did not give me what I wanted and told me (well tried) telling me what to do and get and they were mean and rude.

I use to document all my nail designs on my phone before this but it was lost before I could save the photos…which sucks because I had some good ones.

Well this is all for now…I have something i have to do right quick. Same time tommorrw? lol…okay!

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOCheza

Happi B-Day :: ♥Kago Ai♥

by chezkoi:hellokitty.com

kago-ai_kjp.jpg

For a while now I have been reading Ai Kago blog and I want to wish her luck and say that I am happy to hear of her return! She, alongside Nozomi, had remained my favorites throughout their time in MM, and into W. I was so shocked! and sad to see W end so soon, but I was never upset with either girl and instead are happy at how they handled it all and how they are doing now. I am most excited at the moment for when I get the chance to see the new projects Ai Kago has been working on. I can’t wait to see more from both in the future.

BUT FOR NOW… just wanted to blog a little post wishing Ai Kago a Happy Birthday and I hope to one day see her perform!

This is Ai Kago and Nozomi Tsuji as W

wdesu.jpg

Hopefully, Cheza

Love and Duckies???

by chezkoi:hellokitty.com

Today I went to the park.

On the way we stopped at a store to buy bread.

I was upset at first becacuse I was trying to feed the duckies, but the segulls kep stealing it from them.

I do have to say though, on their behalf, that seagulls deseved their food. They fought for it unlike the ducks who gave up. I guess that can be admirable as well as annoying of them.

Eventually I did feed the ducks and manages to get three of them to take it from my hand…which is how I learned ducks don’t hurt when they bite…i think so?

Sadly today was not a good day as it went on. My bff, bf, and I got into a fight.  I was sad because I had to make a decision, tough one. It was who I wanted to spend more time with and usually I guess most people would answer their friends…but they are not in love. And even if at the moment it seems wrong to you,  from an outside pov,  we will learn in the end.

I was given the advice of following what I felt was right at the moment. I’m more that half confident it was the right decision, but not 100%. Instead, I did what I wanted because I believed it was what my heart was telling me what it wanted—to be loved.

People tell me (us) that we are too young to understand what love is. I believe that maybe true for the most part. I believe love takes time to learn and trust. I also believe not many young people have true love beacuse they have not began to learn it or trust it being fagile at first. Either/or they are blindsider by other things more important to them than finding love. Many are too young for the commitment, they are not ready to be tied down because most young people really just want to feel free.

I wasn’t directly looking for love I  guess…but it found me and I wasn’t about to let what I believed to be real and true leave.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX Cheza & Eien I.T.S.U.M.O

Nothing else…nothing better…

by chezkoi:hellokitty.com

Hmm…Lately it’s been pretty lame ’round here. I haven’t been able to manage in some time to blog in the past week. I either didn’t have privacy or when I did go to blog, my mind was blank. Really I have nothing special to talk about, not really any good news…

The times aren’t going as well as I had planned. . . like always.

I’m looking right now at a lady with a dog. His name is Mr.Jingles. She put two ponytails on side of his head.

I want a dog.

I want to dress it up too! (^.^)

可愛さ, !!!

I don’t like a lady I work with. She’s really rude. She looks at you mean and when I say Thank you or Bless you, she walks away. I’ve tried to talk to her, but she shuns me away. I could care less if she didn’t like me, because now I don’t like her too much anymore, but at least I’m not rude back. That only makes me adespiteful person back if not more.

She just did it again…was rude…and i walked away…again…

sigh…

Am I a bad person? There are a few people, two to be recent, who make me feel as so. The people I speak of now, are my best friend and my boy friend.

She feel:: that I don’t spend as much time with her anymore.

I feel:: That when I came back she was the only person around me I really knew at the time so I spent most of it with her…but now that I have a boyfriend, i want to spend time with him. So i don’t spend as much with her and now she is upset.

Now —-

She feel: I over do my time spent with him.

I feel:: Loss of freedom - I can’t do what I want with my boyfriend without her being there–that goes for being there physically and mentally. The guilt is ruining my relationship with him.

At the moment, I feel both relationships are failing. Right now, I’m trying to please her so that she doesn’t feel that way and at the same time so she won’t be too mad with him either…but then I’m losing a relationship with him. But if I go the opposite way, I’m losing a relationship with her.

Guilty truth:: I have been spending more time with him overall.

Reason Why:: Well I work during the day and she starts as I get off. Then when I am with her, she’s always in a bad mood and I hate being around upset people so I tend to either stray away or just not talk and move, afraid to say something or do something inappropriate at the moment due to my immense aggravation of a best friend who is always mad at the world that it’s ruining hers and everyone close to her’s day/time/life.

It’s quite depressing…

And the only thing I know, that lets me escape this probelem, is listening to my ipod with my music…

But everyone uses it or I have to share it…not that I mind but I would like just to have it to myself more often than when i ride to and from work…still not even then.

Oh well…there it is…my blog post finally…and all i did was complain! even i am upset that this is all I have to talk about, but it’s all that’s going on.

But if you read this and have advice…you can still comment. It would be appreciated.

I think i might go look for solutions right this minute….

Till next time….

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ChezKoi

どうして…?

by chezkoi:hellokitty.com

どうして…

How could she do this to me…

I thought she was my bff…

-sigh- I’m very sad. I think I found love…remember? I’m happy with him, I really like him alot and he does for me to…but she’s taking him away…My Bff wants to kick him out…and this time I don’t think I can do anything to stop.

Yes, he did bring it upon himself but then she goes and over dose it.

She never even tells him though that she is mad, she won’t talk about anything really, especially if she is upset with you. She just waits till she can’t take it no more and explodes on you. I told her already that if she dosen’t like something someone either dose or says, she should let them know, not act like it’s allright and then they get confused when all of a sudden it isn’t anymore.

But i almost cried last night, but I didn’t. I wanted to, but not in front of her, especially because of the topic it’s about.

But now, if he is gone, I will hardly ever get to see him…it would basically be over…

I begged, I tried and she still kept saying no, but I had hope when I awoke and she seemed a little at ease about it, but as time draws near I get more and more worried.  I hope when I get there later, he is not gone.

I definitely will cry until she takes him back in!

I think she’s a bit jealous because everyone says I spend most of my time with him, like I said before. When I am trying to spend time with him, I can’t enjoy it because she makes me feel guilty and uncomfortable. All I think about is her  and I feel bad/guilty and I end up not enjoying being with him, but at the same time I so desperately want to because when we do get too and I’m not feeling guilty about it, it’s so warm feeling…it’s good.

But even if this is the case, how could she not think of what I want or how I feel. I may not let her know directly just yet, or it may spill out.

I don’t know at the moment…

Please wish for me in your dreams…opps…I mean US!

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOCheza

To My BFF:: Ravey Please don’t…I’m still and always will be ur bestest and I love you…but I love him too…I wish I could talk to you about my realtionship too, because that’s what friends or for…but I can’t with you. You keep judging and critizing and disagreeing with it…and it hurts.

It’s hurting more than you know…

HE SAID IT!! ドキドキ!!!!

by chezkoi:hellokitty.com

He said it…as if he read my blog!

It felt so right too, Mi corazon ::ドキドキ!

He confessed to me what I asked to know, what I desired to know.

He told me he had long felt it before, but was nervous to say, because he was not sure I felt the same, and to not pressure me.

-blush-

愛…ああ いいな!

BTW:: I made a post a few back, about a feeling for someone. It’s not my boyfriend I was talking about…but someone else. It’s different though, and more complicated to both explain and personally for me to say. But it’s just a crush I believe…well now that I know what I know…it may be nothing….

******************************************愛*し*て*  る********Chez

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