Today I went to the park.

On the way we stopped at a store to buy bread.

I was upset at first becacuse I was trying to feed the duckies, but the segulls kep stealing it from them.

I do have to say though, on their behalf, that seagulls deseved their food. They fought for it unlike the ducks who gave up. I guess that can be admirable as well as annoying of them.

Eventually I did feed the ducks and manages to get three of them to take it from my hand…which is how I learned ducks don’t hurt when they bite…i think so?

Sadly today was not a good day as it went on. My bff, bf, and I got into a fight.  I was sad because I had to make a decision, tough one. It was who I wanted to spend more time with and usually I guess most people would answer their friends…but they are not in love. And even if at the moment it seems wrong to you,  from an outside pov,  we will learn in the end.

I was given the advice of following what I felt was right at the moment. I’m more that half confident it was the right decision, but not 100%. Instead, I did what I wanted because I believed it was what my heart was telling me what it wanted—to be loved.

People tell me (us) that we are too young to understand what love is. I believe that maybe true for the most part. I believe love takes time to learn and trust. I also believe not many young people have true love beacuse they have not began to learn it or trust it being fagile at first. Either/or they are blindsider by other things more important to them than finding love. Many are too young for the commitment, they are not ready to be tied down because most young people really just want to feel free.

I wasn’t directly looking for love I  guess…but it found me and I wasn’t about to let what I believed to be real and true leave.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX Cheza & Eien I.T.S.U.M.O

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This is my avatar on the ever-addicting BuddyPoke.

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可愛さ!!!

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Going to Neverland…

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In Love…

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Rockin out…

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Valentines

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Those who know me, know I have a thing for cars. This is because I think, down inside, I value most my freedom. Freedom to do as I please when I please — no rule. If I had a car now, I would go wherevere I wanted when I wanted, perferably at night which is my peak hours of awakeness…if I’m alone.

I don’t know what it is. There is something about being alone at night that leaves me at ease more. At night, most all others are asleep…but this is when I like to be active. Sometimes I clean, sometimes I dance to music or sing to myself. I just enjoy time more because I feel freeest at night. This is also when my artistic side comes out most. It’s weird but I’m alone which means no one to bother me and iterrupt my precious time. If I treasured anytime, it would be nightime.

But with a car, i can escape harsh realities at home, when I may not be able to just ecape by leaving the room. Sometimes bad aura will follow and it is best to escape it by getting out the house till it clears…like a fog.

I also like to drive at night because that is when less people are out. Fave places are the highway/intersate– basically long roads that have higher speed limits. I also like to go site seeing around holidays.

Driving in general just makes me feel so free and helps me think and I love it!

I’m Cheza.

I like to drive.

I like Cars.

I love the feeling of freedom.

I’m a Freedom Driver

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOCheza

Spontaneous Idealists are creative, lively and open-minded persons. They are humorous and dispose of a contagious zest for life. Their enthusiasm and sparkling energy inspires others and sweeps them along. They enjoy being together with other people and often have an uncanny intuition for their motivations and potential. Spontaneous Idealists are masters of communication and very amusing and gifted entertainers. Fun and variety are guaranteed when they are around. However, they are sometimes somewhat too impulsive in dealing with others and can hurt people without really meaning to do so, due to their direct and sometimes critical nature.

This personality type is a keen and alert observer; they miss nothing which is going on around them. In extreme cases, they tend to be oversensitive and exaggeratedly alert and are inwardly always ready to jump. Life for them is an exciting drama full of emotionality. However, they quickly become bored when things repeat themselves and too much detailed work and care is required. Their creativity, their imaginativeness and their originality become most noticeable when developing new projects and ideas - they then leave the meticulous implementation of the whole to others. On the whole, Spontaneous Idealists attach great value to their inner and outward independence and do not like accepting a subordinate role. They therefore have problems with hierarchies and authorities.

If you have a Spontaneous Idealist as your friend, you will never be bored; with them, you can enjoy life to the full and celebrate the best parties. At the same time, they are warm, sensitive, attentive and always willing to help. If Spontaneous Idealists have just fallen in love, the sky is full of violins and their new partners are showered with attention and affection. This type then bubbles over with charm, tenderness and imagination. But, unfortunately, it soon becomes boring for them once the novelty has worn off. Boring everyday life in a partnership is not for them so that many Spontaneous Idealists slip from one affair into another. However, should the partner manage to keep their curiosity alive and not let routine and familiarity gain the upper hand, Spontaneous Idealists can be inspiring and loving partner.

Adjectives which describe your type

spontaneous, enthusiastic, idealistic, extroverted, theoretical, emotional, relaxed, friendly, optimistic, charming, helpful, independent, individualistic, creative, dynamic, lively, humorous, full of zest for life, imaginative, changeable, adaptable, loyal, sensitive, inspiring, sociable, communicative, erratic, curious, open, vulnerable

Hmm…Lately it’s been pretty lame ’round here. I haven’t been able to manage in some time to blog in the past week. I either didn’t have privacy or when I did go to blog, my mind was blank. Really I have nothing special to talk about, not really any good news…

The times aren’t going as well as I had planned. . . like always.

I’m looking right now at a lady with a dog. His name is Mr.Jingles. She put two ponytails on side of his head.

I want a dog.

I want to dress it up too! (^.^)

可愛さ, !!!

I don’t like a lady I work with. She’s really rude. She looks at you mean and when I say Thank you or Bless you, she walks away. I’ve tried to talk to her, but she shuns me away. I could care less if she didn’t like me, because now I don’t like her too much anymore, but at least I’m not rude back. That only makes me adespiteful person back if not more.

She just did it again…was rude…and i walked away…again…

sigh…

Am I a bad person? There are a few people, two to be recent, who make me feel as so. The people I speak of now, are my best friend and my boy friend.

She feel:: that I don’t spend as much time with her anymore.

I feel:: That when I came back she was the only person around me I really knew at the time so I spent most of it with her…but now that I have a boyfriend, i want to spend time with him. So i don’t spend as much with her and now she is upset.

Now —-

She feel: I over do my time spent with him.

I feel:: Loss of freedom - I can’t do what I want with my boyfriend without her being there–that goes for being there physically and mentally. The guilt is ruining my relationship with him.

At the moment, I feel both relationships are failing. Right now, I’m trying to please her so that she doesn’t feel that way and at the same time so she won’t be too mad with him either…but then I’m losing a relationship with him. But if I go the opposite way, I’m losing a relationship with her.

Guilty truth:: I have been spending more time with him overall.

Reason Why:: Well I work during the day and she starts as I get off. Then when I am with her, she’s always in a bad mood and I hate being around upset people so I tend to either stray away or just not talk and move, afraid to say something or do something inappropriate at the moment due to my immense aggravation of a best friend who is always mad at the world that it’s ruining hers and everyone close to her’s day/time/life.

It’s quite depressing…

And the only thing I know, that lets me escape this probelem, is listening to my ipod with my music…

But everyone uses it or I have to share it…not that I mind but I would like just to have it to myself more often than when i ride to and from work…still not even then.

Oh well…there it is…my blog post finally…and all i did was complain! even i am upset that this is all I have to talk about, but it’s all that’s going on.

But if you read this and have advice…you can still comment. It would be appreciated.

I think i might go look for solutions right this minute….

Till next time….

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ChezKoi

どうして…

How could she do this to me…

I thought she was my bff…

-sigh- I’m very sad. I think I found love…remember? I’m happy with him, I really like him alot and he does for me to…but she’s taking him away…My Bff wants to kick him out…and this time I don’t think I can do anything to stop.

Yes, he did bring it upon himself but then she goes and over dose it.

She never even tells him though that she is mad, she won’t talk about anything really, especially if she is upset with you. She just waits till she can’t take it no more and explodes on you. I told her already that if she dosen’t like something someone either dose or says, she should let them know, not act like it’s allright and then they get confused when all of a sudden it isn’t anymore.

But i almost cried last night, but I didn’t. I wanted to, but not in front of her, especially because of the topic it’s about.

But now, if he is gone, I will hardly ever get to see him…it would basically be over…

I begged, I tried and she still kept saying no, but I had hope when I awoke and she seemed a little at ease about it, but as time draws near I get more and more worried.  I hope when I get there later, he is not gone.

I definitely will cry until she takes him back in!

I think she’s a bit jealous because everyone says I spend most of my time with him, like I said before. When I am trying to spend time with him, I can’t enjoy it because she makes me feel guilty and uncomfortable. All I think about is her  and I feel bad/guilty and I end up not enjoying being with him, but at the same time I so desperately want to because when we do get too and I’m not feeling guilty about it, it’s so warm feeling…it’s good.

But even if this is the case, how could she not think of what I want or how I feel. I may not let her know directly just yet, or it may spill out.

I don’t know at the moment…

Please wish for me in your dreams…opps…I mean US!

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOCheza

To My BFF:: Ravey Please don’t…I’m still and always will be ur bestest and I love you…but I love him too…I wish I could talk to you about my realtionship too, because that’s what friends or for…but I can’t with you. You keep judging and critizing and disagreeing with it…and it hurts.

It’s hurting more than you know…

He said it…as if he read my blog!

It felt so right too, Mi corazon ::ドキドキ!

He confessed to me what I asked to know, what I desired to know.

He told me he had long felt it before, but was nervous to say, because he was not sure I felt the same, and to not pressure me.

-blush-

愛…ああ　いいな!

BTW:: I made a post a few back, about a feeling for someone. It’s not my boyfriend I was talking about…but someone else. It’s different though, and more complicated to both explain and personally for me to say. But it’s just a crush I believe…well now that I know what I know…it may be nothing….

******************************************愛*し*て*  る********Chez恋

Lately, I’ve been down a little. Being back here I’ve been meeting so many people daily that I think it has brought me down. Every time someone knew comes over, I feel once again left out of new memories my friends made while I was away and now I feel so much like an outsider as they talk amongst themselves, forgetting about me basically. I mean not basically…it just feels that way. I wish here I could for once invite people over, introduce my friends to more like they have done for me. Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful because I have met so many people, but I feel like I desperately need to be by people I am more familiar with and feel more at ease with. That’s why I trying to schedule a quick escape to maybe my dad’s so I can chill with my brother like good old days. So I’m a bit excited. The thing is I was planning to actually leave this weekend, but I fear leaving this month. A friend…(a boy friend actually, but shhh!) is having probelms at the moment. He recently I belive lost his home because his father is very ill and so his father and his little sister went to live with his other older sister but there was no room for him so moved in with his cousin and my bff. Well, they have been disputing lately and she wants to kick him out and I can’t possibly leave and come back to him being gone. I will worry too much where he is because he has no direct place as of now. I can’t let this happen. So I think I might stay, just till the end of the month when I know for sure he will be alright if I leave him behind. If not, I want to try and bring him with me to visit my dad for a few days but you know how ‘fathers’ can be.

I am so STILL trying to get a charger for my camera! Why are you being so difficult!!

So, speaking of this ‘boyfriend’ of mine. I am sad a little about this subject too. I don’t feel needed. His last girfirend (who is still in love obsessed with him) hangs out with us everyday. I know for a fact she still is in love, she told me already that she is and will always cause of their past and because if their past and to not be rude, I allow them to still hang together and be friends and she comes over like I said almost everyday. In fact she gives me rides to work. We’re all cool about it (as far as I know). But she makes my feel unneeded by him. She still lets him borrow her car almost everday while she is at work, she buys him things still, like daily necesities and extra. He gets anything he really needs from her. What hurts is that everyone keeps bringing it up, especially last night how he ‘had the life’ and I don’t want to be in a ‘group relationship?’. Besides that, he claims to have not liked her as much as he did me. But as they were breaking up he still said I love you. I wish I knew a little deeper how close they were. During X-mas time or actually a little before it, he spoke to me about making a relationship work because I was a bit less comunicative in that area and he was too but we agreed to work on it. The only real fight we had so far was a misunderstaning that led to us not talking for about 3-4 days? And i hear later, from her that they were together for X-mas. What? I know she wasn’t just saying that to break us up because at that time no one really knew yet. Still to this day I have kept quiet. I don’t want to let that ruin everything now with a stupid fight. She has already said that while she is sad about not being with him that she is happy for me because he is a great guy and we had two talks about him and she kind of wants to get away from him but just enough to where she puts herself first again and not him and get her life back on track.

-sigh- It’s a tough subject to talk about just one part without understading the rest. Yes she still loves him, Supposedly no he dose not return the love anymore and hasn’t for a while. Yes we are cool for the most part, (but I’m sure part of her dose hate me). No I am not jealous or else I would not let them hang together, but I will admit that I am starting to get aggravated with her antics to try and win him back. They were funy to watch at first, now it’s getting annoying because it’s as if she realized how I don’t do anything when she tries and so she’s gonna do it more or whatnot. -sigh- This is all too much. I’ll maybe update on this subject later. I don’t really feel much like ( or have time to) get into this subject but I think what I was really trying to say was I didn’t feel needed and I guess a little down because a girl likes to be told sweet and romantic things like I love you even if they don’t truly mean in like that yet it’s still an affectionate thing that isn’t so uncommon for many couples to say, especially as young and naive to love as we may be at a youthful age. But why did he say it to her when he did not mean it but did it out of force to be nice. Why not to me too? Just to make me feel good…

Does he…?

Would he…?

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOCheza

{ Let her know, boy!}~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ChezKoi

Hmm…I just noticed that I had never even posted my resolutions. It’s not like I had been following as I promised. I mean i really can’t follow because I forgot to make them anyway. But and idea I had in my mind was to get abit more excercise to gain strength. That’s what I really want this year, to gain strenght and improve skills.

Well, that wasn’t too hard to think about…

So lately I’ve been down. I’m not quite sure why yet thou… I’ve been just feeling down, and sometimes I find myself verymuch agitated with ‘life’ in gerneral and the things that happen on a daily basis. Especially with the ppl I live with. I believe it is because I have no space and no solitude at all. This is why I am so determined to move and get a bigger place. I ‘need’ my own space, my own room to escape to when I need to do so. Sometimes I can barley take it and I get agitated and snap sometimes. Usually I listen to my ipod and use music as a remedy for these feeling. I put my headphones on and I’m gone. But I can’t even seem to do that. Either I hve to share, whch I don’t mind, but then they want to start requesting things I may not be feeling like listening to at the moment or they keep changing the songs and I then get annoyed and no longer want to even listen. Sometimes if i don’t offer to share, then they stare at me with a rude look or get mad at me. I’m not trying to be mean or a ‘lone wolf’ I just need SOME amount of time to just myself to calm and rejuvinate in a way. I guess what I’m trying to say is I feel smothered? maybe?…just a bit?

Anyway, besides that we decided to rent a bunch of movies since we don’t currently have cable. I’ll have to update that later though because I forgot already! (^-^? But i’ll do that tommorw. Today we have to return them anyway and we’ll probably get more tonight also!

I did mean to post yesterday too, but my friends were here so i was abit occupied. As well I saw and old time friend! I was happy! I like seeing friends after being away for so long.

Today feels good though, kinda as if I’m going to be doing something tonight that might be unexpected. I guess I’ll find out eventually.

Despite the few down moments, Everthing is just peachy at the moment. I don’t have too many ‘true’ worries and I like where I am and what I’m doing! Although, I could spend my free time a little better. hehe..

AiAiAiAi Ai Rabu JUUU!!!!!

Cheza <3’s U & mini moni*

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.::.CAFE UPDATE.::.

So my Dad emailed me back and basically gave me the “thumbs up” to go with my ideas but first get more clientele. I’m so excited. There was a comment he did make, but i’m not quite sure what he means by it but it sounded good.

But I am excited! I do realize already as it races through my mind as I type, all the work I’m gonna half to put into this but if I imagine it as just a little side project that I sometimes like to do I’ll keep with it! I just need to make it fun. That won’t be hard though considering I’m gonna be baking sweets and making coffee, two of my favorite things. (*∩-∩*)(#∩_∩#) ｳﾝｳﾝ♪

Then I’ll make graphics and sell collectors coffee cups or something like that…

Well you know what I’m going to do? I’m going to update how it goes on my blog at various times. This will surely keep me with it! Wish me luck TAMA-S!!

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So Last night, We had a Bed Paatii~! It’s a joke me and my bestfriend made because whenever we have a get together everyone ends up in a small spaced place in the house just talking as if nothing. Well yesterday aftenon, people we just coming over and joining in on a Heroes Season 1 Marathon and we all ended up laying in a bed watching Tv, and eating….basically just chillaxing. It’s more funny than fun I think because it’s just such a coincedence everytime! :p But yea, so one person left, then one came, and another left and four more came then another left as one came back. It was crazy last night….then again it usually is like that almost evernight lately. Why does everyone come to chill at our home? Hehe, I sure don’t mind though. Since we have no basic entertainment, they make up for that. They keep me unbored and I like it. They can leave a big mess though and sissuh dosen’t like that.

Anyway some of them want to go out tonight and I guess I all for it!

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XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX Cheza

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