Today I am crying.

I’m crying because I’m worried.

I have no identification and nobody seems to be able to help me. I feel all alone and that life is not for me to live because everytime I think I’m on the right track, something happens.

Now I fear I’m at the worst possible scenario. Without my ssn I can’t get an Id and without and Id, it’s hopless. All I have is me, my dad’s buisness where I sleep in the back on ground, myself, and my boyfriend. He has people but no trasportaion between them. So we might as well be off on an island, instead of just feeling like it.

Is there no help aside from parents for young teens trying to start their life?

Where is the helps for us young adults/teenagers??!

{…………………………………………….}

I had to take a break to calm down. I am calm now.

I’m going to try hard not to worry and do the best I can, that’s all I can think of to do at the moment. I already called and looked up all the rescources I could think of.

Hopefully I am in the hands of good fate, in the end.

{………………………………………………………………………………………………..Cheza….}

I can’t get a job because I have no transportation.

I can’t get a car because I have no credit.

I need a credit card to earn credit.

I can’t get a card without credit.

???

Life is cinfusing.

Growing up is scary.

This, on top of rent, car payments, car insurance, heath insurance, water, electricity, phone, food, nessecities???!!!

Life seems so impossible and I sometimes don’t think I can do it.

Life is harsh and I try not to be weak, but I get close to it.

I don’t have to worry about all that right at the moment.

Lucky to have no real bills right now, but the thought of it, in my future, it’s a bit frighning.

I don’t want to grow up.

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{{S.O.S}}>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Cheza.

I went to the zoo today.

I didn’t take any pictures though…

This time, I went simply to just enjoy.

I got to touch two snakes. One was a very pretty rainbow snake. The other was a childrens python. I ♥ snakes!

Then I saw an Emu chasing a Llama. It was weird, but funny. The Emu was crazy how it ran! It darted from side to side really fast. Its body look like each hemisphere of it was trying to go a separate way at once!

(. . . . . . . . . .)

I dunno how to explain it really…

It was like a cartoon…<<there.

-wink-

lol…

now I’m just being ridiculous.

Random Comments….

This is going to be a Random comment Blog now…

hehehe…just kidding.

It’s only fun when ur bored an in the mood.

Well, blah blah blah…the zoo was fun…blah blah love you…. BAIIIII~~IIINNN??!!

Bye

Cheza ♫

I need something to keep me occupied during these boring times I go thorugh.

I remember I use to love making things, so I’m thinking about going back into that. I want to make jewerly and perhaps progress from there. It would be cool if they sold too, I could use the extra money to get my self setteled in a place instead of crashing around…

I also might be going into a side buisness with Trey and I. It’s sales, but not sure on it yet.

I haven’t updated on the shop like I said I would, but not much has changed except for the fact that we sell more variety of things to eat. We still need an expresso machine though. This place is a tourist attraction mostly and forigners are big on expresso from what I observe so it works out, but my ideas have not yet been fully processed.

But as for my hobby, I have ideas like how people make the sweets jewerly collections. Just things like that. I have also though of selling cool funiture from ideas I thouhgt of one night. My dad was heavily into consturction growing up so I think that might be where this comes from. Maybe i’ll put up some blue prints are actual ones I make someday.

As for now it sucks because I proabably will not be able to be as creative as I want until I get setteled in a place with a consistent ride to and from work and ect. Then they madness will begin!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Cheza<3<3<3

PS:: So lately these people have been coming to me for help with their music devices. The one claims to be a pirate and he says I’m a witch, but in a good way. o.O. Well it is fun to pretend sometimes. ^.^V

Today is a special day for me in a way. Sometimes I’m not too proud of, especially lately, but I used to love it. Things were better then though. Times has been rough the past few years, too rough to enjoy. Either I had no money, or I had just been too miserable. Now, I just don’t think it’s worth the time, money…it doesn’t seem worth much no more because the reason or subject of this day seems worthless.

For now, I just would like to remember a dear friend their my whole childhood until 2006 who is no longer with me::

Muffy,

I miss you and I love you and I never forget you. There has not been a day so far I can rememeber (even though my memory is bad) that I have not thought, if even for a moment, of you. When I am happiest, for some reason I thank you, and when I am at my lowest times, I think of you, and cry to you. I talk it out with you in spirit, and I pray to you to make it better. And even though, when going through the tough times, I will cry a lot to you to take me with you, I do not really mean it. I guess in all I really do want to live out my life and when I die, we will be reunited again and I cannot wait til the day. But until, I still love you and I hope you know this and I thank you for continuing to be my guardian angel throuout my life.

Love Eternally, Cheza

All this instability really got to me lately. Traveling from place to place, not quite sure how I’ll get to wherever it is I end up that night or how I’ll get to wherever it is when needed the next day. Where I’ll sleep that night,  where I will have to leave my stuff, when can I get my stuff. How to be with whom I want when I want.

How to make it all work…that is what I desire right now. I need some kind of guidance, but know one seems to have that…know one else can seem to help me, know one else knows.

I have thoughts…and no one is there to hear them so I can be helped.

But then, lady, a stranger, saw my despair and she prayed for me to have the strenght I need and the guidence I need.

Oddly, as realistic as it may seem, I sort of think it worked. Ever since that day, things have been easier for me. Everything seems to be falling into place now.

I was told that I would be rewarded for getting through these troubles. I hope so.

Already to start, I’m more stable. I sort of have two places to stay while I try to move(again) into a place more my own. I still have those days where my plans are changed at last moment and I switch nights I spend at each but I have a constant ride now for the most part.

I am still happily with my boyfriend but my relationshp with my BFF continues to fail. I went to visit her the other day and I had some stuff at her house so as I was leaving I decided to get some of it to bring to my mom’s house which is where I am ‘mainly’ living. She got mad instantly and then started complaining that she had to be the work soon but at the same time she told me that I might as well grab all my stuff.  ???? So what does she want? Does she want me to really take it all or does she want us to stop and bring her to work. So trying to be polite & bring out the last bag I had. The next thing I know she’s roughly grabbing my things and slightly throwing them together into the hall way for me to get. This made me mad. This is the main reason why I wish not too see her so much lately because she has been acting like this. But she complains that I never talk/visit her anymore. I hope she’ll one day realize why when I’ve stopped finally…along with alomost everyone else who has already.

Another thing I need to get off my chest is how she told me I don’t have anything compared to her. She thinks she’s better than me (or doing better) because she has her own place and I’m not. The only reason she has her own place (with nothing in it but a matress, a dresser, the smallest tv and her stuff in her room) is from the money she gets ’stripping’ and I refuse to take my clothes off for some money. Honestly I think I have it better. I have  a good job running an internet cafe that I might inherit someday and most importantly I have friends and people who enjoy beng around me. So in the end she may gloat about what she has but she won’t have anyone to share it with soit will be worth nothing while everything I will obtain, let it be a home, car, or whatever even personal things I will at least have people to show, share, and enjoy it with and in the end that will matter because I’ll be happy and she won’t.

So for now, I’ve kinda just let her go to do her own thing while I’ll do mine.

So right now my short term goals are to get another job for extra income. At the moment I do make enough to live good off of for my first job. What I want the second job for is to help get more income to save for things like a car and a place and I really want to but some people things that I had to pass up since I had just moved close to Christmas time and had no more to buy for others.

Well wish me luck! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Cheza

de mi amour’s hermana’s Inlaw familia.

So after work, my boyfriend and his sister and his brother in law picked me up and invited me over to his brother in law’s family weekend party. It was really fun! Everyone was dancing almost the whole night. I did not mingle much because I am a very shy person but I still had fun. Mostly we hung out outside with the dogs and the kids.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ChezK.

So yesterday, I had a friend coming to pick me up from work and a few minutes after she tried to stop at a red light and the car hydroplaned into the one in front. It wasn’t so bad though. The car in front just got a crack and some paint scratches on the bumper in primarily the one spot. But my friend’s car was all messed up in the front. The hood was smashed up and the lights broke out. She still managed to drive it home though. I saw it coming. Believe it or not I was thinking of a similar scenario as I was waiting for her to come. But it was something that made my day abit more interesting.

So my phone came in yesterday too! Just this morning I took some pictures to try out on the phone. Then I edited them in photoshop.

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Also I tried takin a picture of my nail design but it did not show good. Maybe I’ll try again to take better ones but it is a bit difficult on a phone camera due to its lack of quality in most cases compared to a regular digital camera.

It was V shaped gold and black tip design and three fingers had the jewels on it. This has to be one of my least favorite designs I have had done. The people first of all did not give me what I wanted and told me (well tried) telling me what to do and get and they were mean and rude.

I use to document all my nail designs on my phone before this but it was lost before I could save the photos…which sucks because I had some good ones.

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Well this is all for now…I have something i have to do right quick. Same time tommorrw? lol…okay!

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XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOCheza

Today I went to the park.

On the way we stopped at a store to buy bread.

I was upset at first becacuse I was trying to feed the duckies, but the segulls kep stealing it from them.

I do have to say though, on their behalf, that seagulls deseved their food. They fought for it unlike the ducks who gave up. I guess that can be admirable as well as annoying of them.

Eventually I did feed the ducks and manages to get three of them to take it from my hand…which is how I learned ducks don’t hurt when they bite…i think so?

Sadly today was not a good day as it went on. My bff, bf, and I got into a fight.  I was sad because I had to make a decision, tough one. It was who I wanted to spend more time with and usually I guess most people would answer their friends…but they are not in love. And even if at the moment it seems wrong to you,  from an outside pov,  we will learn in the end.

I was given the advice of following what I felt was right at the moment. I’m more that half confident it was the right decision, but not 100%. Instead, I did what I wanted because I believed it was what my heart was telling me what it wanted—to be loved.

People tell me (us) that we are too young to understand what love is. I believe that maybe true for the most part. I believe love takes time to learn and trust. I also believe not many young people have true love beacuse they have not began to learn it or trust it being fagile at first. Either/or they are blindsider by other things more important to them than finding love. Many are too young for the commitment, they are not ready to be tied down because most young people really just want to feel free.

I wasn’t directly looking for love I  guess…but it found me and I wasn’t about to let what I believed to be real and true leave.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX Cheza & Eien I.T.S.U.M.O

Those who know me, know I have a thing for cars. This is because I think, down inside, I value most my freedom. Freedom to do as I please when I please — no rule. If I had a car now, I would go wherevere I wanted when I wanted, perferably at night which is my peak hours of awakeness…if I’m alone.

I don’t know what it is. There is something about being alone at night that leaves me at ease more. At night, most all others are asleep…but this is when I like to be active. Sometimes I clean, sometimes I dance to music or sing to myself. I just enjoy time more because I feel freeest at night. This is also when my artistic side comes out most. It’s weird but I’m alone which means no one to bother me and iterrupt my precious time. If I treasured anytime, it would be nightime.

But with a car, i can escape harsh realities at home, when I may not be able to just ecape by leaving the room. Sometimes bad aura will follow and it is best to escape it by getting out the house till it clears…like a fog.

I also like to drive at night because that is when less people are out. Fave places are the highway/intersate– basically long roads that have higher speed limits. I also like to go site seeing around holidays.

Driving in general just makes me feel so free and helps me think and I love it!

I’m Cheza.

I like to drive.

I like Cars.

I love the feeling of freedom.

I’m a Freedom Driver

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOCheza