hi~loo again world!!!

I’m back! Again…again…again…. Lol I wonder how many times Ives said this in the bog’s lifetime! I remember starting off so well. Then I’d disappear from months to years only to pop back in, promise to be consistent and lie to myself anyone else who may pass by. Hence the title seemed perfect cuz that’s what I seem to do, move from place to place and pop in every so often with a new look each time. I finally died my hair pink thou! I don’t know If I’d mention that before but it’s how I always wanted my hair! Well, I’ve always wanted pink hair, my mine didn’t turn out exactly how I always wanted but I still love it now! It took a few days to grow into, as any new style I have but I am truly pleased as of today.

So here I am, I guess bored on another day thinking about my old blogs. That seems to be when I get on here, when I absolutely bored wii life and have nothing else to do…but at those times my blog seems to be some sort of motivation when all else are gone. Gives me something meaningless to do making my time and life seem less meaning less at the same time. Oh well, here I am again, hello, I miss you, see you later, never good bye!

kisses!!!

I have some pictures I took from Thanksgiving. I haven’t really had time to upload any lately, but I’m trying.

This is just a random picture while trying to take a good picture of myself, full shot, to show what I wore on Thanksgiving. Black, nothing special. It is a Korean Chiffon/Baby doll like dress I got on Ebay sometime back. I also have it in white.

Things have been hectic and stressful!

Kitties are still getting big thou. Will have to put up some pictures pretty soon.

Near X-mas I am suppose to be leaving where I am for a few days. I’ll have a computer there so I’ll try to update it then considering I’ll have a lot more time and privacy there. (the odds…)

It’s not that I’m being secretive or trying to hide anything from anyone that I write on here. I think I’m smart enough to know what I want to share and what i don’t if I’m posting it on the internet for the world to see, and then some! I just don’t want someone around me asking questions and just being nosy while I do it. Read it later, I don’t care just not over my shoulder or near me at all while I write it. It’s uncomfortable for me, not a secret being hidden from you!

It’s the internet I’m on…for crying out loud! There are NO secrets here!

Unless you know….

Ai, Cheza

I’ve been having many nostalgic feelings lately…

Memories of my past Autums overwhelm my thoughts.

So, what have I been up too lately?

Watchin ALOT of movies and doing a lot of nothing.

I feel like I’m wasting my time and life. I don’t really have time to myself anymore anyway. It’s not that I’m busy all day, but that I doing something else than what I’d rather be doing but I’m stuck like this for now. I so hope the next year brings better things for me than it has now.

I do really wish to blog more, but I have nothing to say. Nothing goes on much anymore to even bother blogging, nothing excitining anyway. I have nothing to talk about and nothing to show lately. It’s just abunch of nothing. I need more.

I feel there is so manny things I want to do, but I don’t have the time or resources it always seems.

I have been opening up Photoshop again. Many years ago I started fooling around with it and we I eventually became quite nomadic, I had to temporaily give it up. Its been like 4 5 years now? and I feel like an alien to the program. Somethings I did remember, but not as nearly much. I have however learned many new things about the computer since I have been back. Mostly technical issues with hardware and software, and I’ve gotten pretty good at improving system performance, ect. Things like that.

I’ve also too been drawing again and have found a new technique that works for my stlye. It’s so amazing how you finally do learn that technique you needed to advance to the next step and the amazing results you now get. It’s great and it makes me feel little better knowing I have ‘dramatically’ increased my skills.

As well, I’ve been writing alot. I’ve always wrote these stories mostly for myself. I had publised one once, as a quizilla sort of thing. (You guys who are familiar with Quizilla know how these type of stories work.) It was a fanfiction but I don’t want to say which one. Going back now, It wasn’t ready. That was probably the only thing I ever shared besides things I was required to share in a class I took in the school I went to two years ago. (or is it 4? O.o?). Anyways, I grew up litterly writting faction starting with Dragonballz and Sailormoon. (Yes, this is a storry from way back in those days.) I was probably in 4th or 5th grade when I started writing them, maybe even younger! I just loved to write my own versions that I was part of. Reality I guess just wasnt my cup of tea back then. So over the years I wrote on and off and I have began to write again, except this time it is not fanfiction. It’s still fiction, but it’s my own original characters, ect.

I just seem to be haveing abit of trouble with it. I think there are too many elememnts, too many things I want to happen, too many  things I expect from my characters. Yesterday, I got the idea that I might be trying to blend two different story ideas I might actuallt have into one. Once I thought of that and tried seperating them, it helped alot.

So much I wanna do in my future: Write a book (or maybe even a series), own my own Cafe, be a graphics designer, and maybe even a fashion designer? I want to do a lot, but not it all…lol. I know I keep telling myself I will get started soon when I really should start now, but trust me when I say I just can’t!

Well, that’s enough for taday I guess, not that I’ve said much in awhile. Just once I start ramnbling I can’t stop and I’m even doing it now so I’m just going to go back to my daily boring life.

(It really feels like I’m reliving Groundhog day!)

tsumann[[[AI]]] yo …

Today I was thinking…

It was a memory I am quite sure happened, but when my mind replays the file it seems like a dream.

It was autumn, I was in a lightly wooded area, alone, and the trees were shades of autumn. It also, at the time was light out, perhaps the noon. I was running and I was sad but at the same time happy. I smiled with tears. It was because I was  hurt but now I was free. That was clear, that I was free. I had gotten away and I was happy at the moment but what they did still dwelled in the back of my mind.

But it was no ordinary moment. It felt magical and unreal…movie like almost.  I had and adventure that day. I travelled through the woods into green area by a small pond/lake, more spring like and somewhat windy. From there I went to a huge canyon with a river that I followed. It took me to the end where no one had travelled atleast for some time.

I went through and found myself closer to reality but still alone walking now behind homes of country rachers with their horses. A dirt road I followed that was decorated with the autumness that I experinced from the begenning.

It was orange, quite, and solitude of peace to think.

Eventually that eneded into a huge road. My way, home, was one direction, but I went the opposite. I walked for a few more hours (after all day) to the wendy’s were I was abducted by people I knew. (lol)

It was crazy when I think, all the things I saw that were hidden from roads in our own back yards. Some huge you would never know unless you got lost, like me.

At the time, To me, nothing else mattered but that moment in the woods that, magical moment of a dream.

Maybe it didnt happen at all?

Dosen’t matter,  Just  now I think back and smile on my adventure, it made life a tad bit more interesting for me. It made me thnk to look twice and where others had not much before.

Ai-chan

Today was another odd celebration where men and women go from bar to bar for free beer and wear only red dresses. It’s a crazy one! Morale was high, but so was the nudity!Σ(O_O；)Shock！！Lol

Next year?? I want in! hehe. I just want to wear a red dress and celebrate too!

I was thinking…so much happens here, that maybe at the start of the new year. I want to blog on every time something is celebrated and get pictures so that I can share with you the fun mess I live in!

I do love it here, for the most part.

Cheà

(You can see even the males have to wear them, lol)

It sure is raining alot these days…

I don’t know what’s going on now, or what to do.

I dont think I’m in love anymore, but still love him.

Daily life…boring.

If work I do that, if not, I’m just sitting around waiting for something to do.

I feel like I’m wasting my time and life right now.

Actually, I’ve felt like I’ve been wasting my life time for years now. I keep making plans for myself but I never follow through because it seems something happens to get inot the way.

Usually it requires me to move again, start all over, plan for next year.

I can’t seem to , move forward or go anywhere. I feel like I’m stuck like this, with no future. I just relive my days basically the same everyday now…

I really hate me, at the moment. I want a change.

 Life is a roller coaster lately.

Sometimes I’m content, but mostly…

I’ve been depressed.

Living just seems to be hard right now, but i’m still trying to hold on.

Lately I have been crying about being alone, but not I want to be…I think.

I think the problem is I do not have the balance I need in my life to keep me stress free. That’s what I practicing by the way, to be stress free.

(I hear stress can shorten your life span (?-_・)ﾝ? )

But anyway I need to feel needed and un alone, but also at times I NEED so kind of escape. I don’t like how I feel as if I’m wasting my life right now. But I will change it soon! I must do something before I have waited too long!

Ai,Cheza

It rained today . . . and I think that’s funny.

It’s funny because my boyfriend and I like to sit out front on the steps during these hot/humid sunny days and tell people that they ’should have brought their umbrella.’ We were just kidding around, being bored  kids.

We were coming out of McDonalds and it sponatneously was pouring.

Guess WE should have bought our umbrellas.