Lately, I’ve been down a little. Being back here I’ve been meeting so many people daily that I think it has brought me down. Every time someone knew comes over, I feel once again left out of new memories my friends made while I was away and now I feel so much like an outsider as they talk amongst themselves, forgetting about me basically. I mean not basically…it just feels that way. I wish here I could for once invite people over, introduce my friends to more like they have done for me. Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful because I have met so many people, but I feel like I desperately need to be by people I am more familiar with and feel more at ease with. That’s why I trying to schedule a quick escape to maybe my dad’s so I can chill with my brother like good old days. So I’m a bit excited. The thing is I was planning to actually leave this weekend, but I fear leaving this month. A friend…(a boy friend actually, but shhh!) is having probelms at the moment. He recently I belive lost his home because his father is very ill and so his father and his little sister went to live with his other older sister but there was no room for him so moved in with his cousin and my bff. Well, they have been disputing lately and she wants to kick him out and I can’t possibly leave and come back to him being gone. I will worry too much where he is because he has no direct place as of now. I can’t let this happen. So I think I might stay, just till the end of the month when I know for sure he will be alright if I leave him behind. If not, I want to try and bring him with me to visit my dad for a few days but you know how ‘fathers’ can be.

I am so STILL trying to get a charger for my camera! Why are you being so difficult!!

So, speaking of this ‘boyfriend’ of mine. I am sad a little about this subject too. I don’t feel needed. His last girfirend (who is still in love obsessed with him) hangs out with us everyday. I know for a fact she still is in love, she told me already that she is and will always cause of their past and because if their past and to not be rude, I allow them to still hang together and be friends and she comes over like I said almost everyday. In fact she gives me rides to work. We’re all cool about it (as far as I know). But she makes my feel unneeded by him. She still lets him borrow her car almost everday while she is at work, she buys him things still, like daily necesities and extra. He gets anything he really needs from her. What hurts is that everyone keeps bringing it up, especially last night how he ‘had the life’ and I don’t want to be in a ‘group relationship?’. Besides that, he claims to have not liked her as much as he did me. But as they were breaking up he still said I love you. I wish I knew a little deeper how close they were. During X-mas time or actually a little before it, he spoke to me about making a relationship work because I was a bit less comunicative in that area and he was too but we agreed to work on it. The only real fight we had so far was a misunderstaning that led to us not talking for about 3-4 days? And i hear later, from her that they were together for X-mas. What? I know she wasn’t just saying that to break us up because at that time no one really knew yet. Still to this day I have kept quiet. I don’t want to let that ruin everything now with a stupid fight. She has already said that while she is sad about not being with him that she is happy for me because he is a great guy and we had two talks about him and she kind of wants to get away from him but just enough to where she puts herself first again and not him and get her life back on track.

-sigh- It’s a tough subject to talk about just one part without understading the rest. Yes she still loves him, Supposedly no he dose not return the love anymore and hasn’t for a while. Yes we are cool for the most part, (but I’m sure part of her dose hate me). No I am not jealous or else I would not let them hang together, but I will admit that I am starting to get aggravated with her antics to try and win him back. They were funy to watch at first, now it’s getting annoying because it’s as if she realized how I don’t do anything when she tries and so she’s gonna do it more or whatnot. -sigh- This is all too much. I’ll maybe update on this subject later. I don’t really feel much like ( or have time to) get into this subject but I think what I was really trying to say was I didn’t feel needed and I guess a little down because a girl likes to be told sweet and romantic things like I love you even if they don’t truly mean in like that yet it’s still an affectionate thing that isn’t so uncommon for many couples to say, especially as young and naive to love as we may be at a youthful age. But why did he say it to her when he did not mean it but did it out of force to be nice. Why not to me too? Just to make me feel good…

Does he…?

Would he…?

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOCheza

{ Let her know, boy!}~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ChezKoi

I’m so stuck right now…

I need help and I wish I could ask someone, BUT since I’m a “pisces” e v e r y t h i n g    i s    p e r s o n a l.   -slaps self- Wake out of it Cheza!

All i can say at the moment is I think I may be having ’something’ for ’someone’. I know this isn’t such a big deal but it really is..if you just knew who the ’someone’ was. I mean, even if I did get close to this person…all  I can think of is all the problems I will have. But then again, i’m usually an easy going, flow with the wind, whatever type too.

But I am such a fool. I don’t even know this person well. There is just something about them. They remind me of someone I cared for dear through similar characteristics. I’ve had this sort of thing happen to me before but with…yeah YOU guys know….::.GA*KU*TO.::. V(^0^)V lol Once before an exboyfirend of mine had his smile almost exact and I coulnd’t resist because I love Gackt’s smile. **blush**

But even still, this is a whole new ball game. Neve before…i’m not sure, have I been attracted to a person like this. I’m not even sure if I am attracted anyway.  This is just sad. I can’t even tell how I feel…if i do like them, how will i know if they do?

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO CHEZ愛

Already deep into September…and I have been Missing.

Apologies…

I feel abit sad and lost these days.

My future seems to shift farther and father away and life seems dark at the end of the tunnel and a bit scary in some ways that make me often not want to venture down it to find out.

As a result of my feelings, I have been lacking around.

In recent attempts to have fun and feel ‘alive’ I have been doing some damage to my body and to my image (i think) in the eyes of others.

Recently I have not quite fallen in love, but come to very much like and enjoy the company in another. At first i was very shy, as I sometimes can be with people I really am fond of, but when I began to loosen up, I start to become to comfortable to a point that when I do speak up or act up, I end up making my self feel humiliated inside and it makes me want to crawl back into my shell.

Sometimes this person makes me feel very good and happy when i really need it, and other times they make me feel like an annoying, innocent child.

Why do I seem to always be atracted to mostly bad boys? Is it because I am a good girl who secretly wants to be bad, or who gets a thrill out of being bad and they give me a thrill and make me feel alive? I think these personal choices and this lifestlye is dangerous for me…but then again sometimes, when I feel sad again, i do not care.

That is not a good thing, and I know.

But what does thins person really think about me? it’s so hard to see. At first I could tell that he liked me alot and his friends all said so. Sometimes it still seems that way at moments, but in other quick moments, it can all change in a second. It’s makes me sad to also thing that they might move to another counrty soon. I’m not sure if this was a joke or for real, but he said he was going and he was going to take his to friends. I’m not sure if i would want to go, but i was there and nobody mentioned me in the picture at all. I feel like and outsider everywhere go now, and it’s mostly because I am. The people I grew up with are all gone now and when I kept moving I only moved with people already in deep firendships that I could never fit completely into and now I feel alone and isolated. i have no close friends at the moment and it hurts to watch everyone else having relationships I dream about but lack.

Right now all I have is my ipod and a notebook full of dreams and ideas for a future I might not ever pursue.

Being a Pisces is harsh on me these days, but I am a dreamer…which seems to be all I have right now….

Till Next time…Chez*Ai

Ps:: My New friend I mentioned, the one I liked, said he was on his way to come see me and chat. That was almost 3 hours ago and it’s very late. I don’t think he’s coming. -sigh-

Sorry for the lack of an update! I’ve been quite busy with work lately…an lazy. But now, that i’m here and awake, and my mind is running with thoughts, i guess i’ll get it out now before i go to sleep.

Not much has happen (besides the constant arrival of packages from Ebay ^.^) I’ll show what i have recieved so far.

IMA, i want to talk about my 1st trip to SIxFlag this past Sunday.

I went with Yes and her Cuz. It was free to get in and eat because it was a buiness realted thing, so we used our money to get a Flash Pass which was nice. I felt like VIP? It was fun! They best thing was though, i met a boy who i am going to call Gwen Stefani. Don’t ask, lol, it’s an inside thing. BTW She is the firend (Yes) who i usually make up nicknames for except for hers of course, and she came up with this name due to a similarities related to it. (Sorry, i’m really trying to not give out a name but explain where it comes from best i can.) I usually just call him Stefani for short.

ANYWAY, i was getting on the water ride and we went the way people go with the Flash Pass and you have to go down stairs to get to the platfprm that has another platfrom revoving around it wher you get inot the round boat thing. Anyways we all the way down the stair when he was like “Wait, STop! Go back up.” We did then he jokinly said. “Okay come back down, no just kidding.” As i noticed his slight humor, i noticed just how cute he was! *Blush* He has like golden hair and blue eye and a nice smile. He scanned mypass then led us down. Another asked me if i wanted to take off my jacket and i did not understand why at first and said “No.” I didn’t think i would get wet and didn’t believe him when he said i would because my friends said i wouldn’t and at the time i trusted them more. Besides that I was already convince that it would be a relaxing water ride since we just ate and wanted to wait before going back on the bigger rollercoaster. As well, Stefani promised i would not get wet. I never noticed then how everyone was kind of laughing at my oblivioin.

After i got off, soaked. I looked at him who kind of laughed. He then say, “Never listen to a white boy when he says you won’t get wet.” He say something smiliar to that but i don’t know, i didn’t understand what he meant anyway. Afterwards, as to pay him for basically lying, i hugged him to get him wet. It wasn’t until i had walked away that i noticed tow things. I liked him and i had never made such a bold move towards a boy before. I begged my freind to go again, since we were alrady wet and she agreed. When he saw me come back, he looked and smiled, wel it was more of a smirk maybe. “You hugged me and got me wet!” I say. “Yes, Would you like to get wet again?” He say “No.” I then asked him to hold my pass again as i had before. He say someone else would since he was going to the Superman ride and would not be there when i got back from the ride. I was just like whatever and think I say “See you there.” He kind of repeated that.

So minutes later, when i did get back, he was still there. I asked for my Pass and he kind of joked and said he lost it. He did give it back though. Yes and I then began to walk away and I saw this kid coming and she said to say something to him so I say “Hola Jesus!” Then we laugh.

**The “Hola Jesus!” Thing relates back to school when i use to randomly say it to people i did not know in the hallway and it began a daily thing with Mr.Poland’s (another nickname for a polish friend of mind who i cannot pronouce the polish name) Koren friend. It was fonny begacue he was Asian and not Spanish I guess. This asian guy would always be like. “Who are you? My name is not Jesus!” He knew i was joking an we kind of became friends from it. (He calls me Jesus now…???)

Okay, back to the story:: From behind I hear Stefani say, “Quit molesting little kids.” Something along that. (my memory is not too good with exact words, but you should get the picture.) I say, “I wasn’t but all day i had to sit with little kids. Such as the first ride, he needed someone to sit with him so I did then i just sat next to a kid on this ride.” He ask, “How old was he?” I say, “About 7″ and then he ask my age and say. “That’s nit a bad number.” joikinly. I say, “That would make me a pedophile!” He laughed and said. “So.” So we talked and ended up walking with him on the was to Superman. He walked pretty fast so i wasn’t sure if he wanted to walk with me or not but when i would slow down he would turn around and ask if i was coming or not. He did stop and talk to people on the way and I waited. While i did, Yes and her Cus didn’t really want to go — I think because they thought i was just following Sefani. But i did really want to ride that ride again. *Oh, on the way I forgot to mention how while we talked and because i was following him —WITH HIS PERMISSION or else i would not have—he did jokingly call me a stalker. BTW, he is about a half year younger he say to me.

So we ended up at Superman when he scan the pass and i went up. After the ride I went over and say to him “We are going to ride one more then leave.” He say, “Already? It’s too early.” And i said that I would come say goodbye before I left.

***During this time, i get off that ride and my purse was stolen so now i had to file a report and blah blah blah, i cried and blah blah blah***

AS I did promise, i went back. We talked about where i worked, i mostly talked to his coworker at this time who was cool to while Stefani kind of acted a little crazy and childlike but it was cute. He was just being silly. Then he (maybe them both) asked for free clothes from this one place I work and I said a discount and told his friend to come visit me at work but Stefani had to work .he was mean to his coworker to. Calling him a “Fat***” How rude of him! Anyway, i walked with him out where we talked about i do not remmeber what. Somthing about him being funny or i being funy and he beating me up and i like what?!. Finally he say, so i’m not going to see you anymore? And i said i could get your number. I didn’t have phone so he put it in Yes’s phone. Then he said by to my friends. (ALSO he thought i called hima Gringo??? lol I didn’t) He then tried to be agnster with Yes’s cuz. That was funny. Then he gave me a hugged and say bye. I called him maybe one or two days later.

This is where i get confused and lost about the Situation.

When i first called, we talke for loke 5 minutes before i found out he had guset and i said i would call back because iddnt want to be rude. He was like, “Are you sure?” And i say yes. Then when i did he say to call back in 5 minutes. He seemed in a hurry. He aslo apologized as well in the quick convo and i agreed. I did something and came back and called but he didnt answer. I called again today and hedidn’t anwer at first. Then he called abck said he was on break at worked. (I knew he was at work but i still wanted to see if he would pick up.) I said like two senetsces then he said he ahd to go and to call later. If someone ask me to do something, I usually will. So, just because he asid to call later, i did. Was i suppose to take this literally? Anyway, when i did no one answred.

And now, for some reason I feel stupid. I don’t want to seem like this obsessed person who calls all the time. Honestly, i’m just looking for a friendship. I like making friends and he is funny. I like him. Just now i feel stupid, and i’m older (just abit) and i don’t like/feel to comfortable about that and ME being the one calling him. I feel like an old woman who is being obsessed by overly calling a younger boy and i don’t want him to see me as that way. (I’m still a teenager just if your wandering but i wont say my age. I just mean older woman as i am older than him by almost 6 months). I am confused. I wander if he liked me and still dose?

I mean he was the one who said. “So we won’t see each other again?” As if he wanted to see me again and offered his number. But now it seems as if he dodnet want to talk to me on the phone or something? *sigh* I dont even know why i’m stressing this. I guess becaus ei just wanted him to like me, i just want people to like me. I was even going to get him someting for his Birthday because i LOVE celebrating people’s birthday. BUT this all depends on if we are ‘friend’ or not. I guess we will see as i am suppose to go to SixFlags this Monday.

ABOUT THAT TOO*** He said that he gets the same two days off every week, Monday and Thursday. This week I know he has Monday off and wanted to know if he wanted to go with us to six flags (lol) and he then say later that he had to work that day. I just want to know if he is or not. Because i am still going to Six flags on Monday, but i do want if he is working or not because i want to see him too. *sigh* I don’t know. He’s confusing He acts very childish at times which i don’t mind. Even a few times he seemed mean towards me. But then, i get the impression for reasons i just listed, that he may like to have me a a friend. I dunno, i just know I am confusedly. Help!

 I met this boy who gave me his number but can never talk when i ask. They details are mostly towards the bottom of that large entry, but it’s just confusing me and worries me because i don;t want to come off as something of a stalker or obsessed. I’m just trying to be firends. Is that was he wanted? As i mentioned he did say, “So are we not goign to see each other after this?” As if he wanted to see me again and he didnt mind me hugging him the first time and in fact he hugged me when we said good bye? What is it though? For now, I’m not going to call for probably until atleast Sunday before we go back. Maybe even Saturday. I just want to see if he is going to hang with us of if we’ll just see him working there.

*Sigh* Sooo confusing!!! >.

*blush* But domo KAWAII!!! ^.^!

That reminds me, i wander what ever happen to that cute guy i met who thought i was cute. He just said, “Your pretty.” With a smile and left. He was cute himself, but reminded me of someone… I dunno, but i hope he comes back. I’d like to hand with him and be his friend too! And I KNOW he likes me so blah! :P! hehe. I love making friends so much i make friends with complete strangers.

WELL, TTYALL LATER!!!

and i’ll update the ebay stuff again too! ^.^!

Okay, BAI BAI!

アリス九號

アリス九號 es mi grupo preferido de la J-rock. ♥アリス九號 (Alice 9) が だい好きです。♥ それ は ’smexy’ です! ♥ They give good concerts with much of “FANSERVICE” ^.^! Amor! They dress cool, have cool PVs, and are very funny! No puedo conseguir a bastantes de ellos! They videos are not as colorful and fun as mi 2nd favorito which is AnCafe. Demo, there is something “especial”? about them that I no me siento con Antic. So, lets break down it::

Shou:: Shou is lead singer/main vocal. He has a much strong/masuline voice. Besides singing, he write much of vocals of the group. On a more physical look, he has nice bodii. ^.^ And a lovely face. Pienso que su mejor característica es sus ojos. Especially how he switch the colors. As well, i think that out of all, Shou he take the best pitures.

Nao:: Noa is the creator of wondrous Alice Nine! ^.^ Ike Nao-san! Dose he no remind you of a teddy bear??! ;P. He isu just muy kawaii! I love him! ¡Él se parece como la diversión! ¡Much fun! ooohh, y él ama el chocolate. Like me! ^.^! He is muy bueno drummer también. You just have to love him!

Hiroto:: Hiroto es mi CHIPMUNK! Dosen’t he look like chipmunk??! Hehe, か*わ*いい!!! ^.^ He es muy adorable! あい*く*る*し*い * :P! Pienso everybodii loves him. You just look at his face and you can not dislike. He is just too cute for his own good! SO, Hiroto toca la guitarra en venda. He is much good! He is funny with it too. I like best when he dance and plays. It soo cute!

Saga::Saga is to-die-for, drop-dead- セ*ク*シ*ー !!! hehe. He tends to wear much of ’showy?’ clothing. What i mean is barely any. He wears short shorts or short belly shirt. He is all-round 【色っぽい!】 :9! おいしい! Delicioso!! ^.^ He also plays sexy role with his bass. On stage, Saga tend to be very sexual with his bass! He dose such things as licking it! 0.o…奇妙 です. Besides being Sexy with his bass, he is quite crazy. Saga me recuerda mi amigo Scott. Un momento, timid y Misterioso. He seem calm and quite. Then, next thing you know, he is out! He goes crazy! Él consigue loco. Amo Saga mucho mucho mucho! ^.^

>Tora::Finalmente, Tora-san! Pienso que Tora es mi favorito.Tengo gusto de tipos por ejemplo mysterious, bad boy and Tora is that! He is intriguing to me. Sexy Tora is soo cool! hehe. He is the other guitarist and is quite versatile player. Ocasionalmente, Tora plays erratically like Saga. Then other times, he plays in a very elegant way. Still, of all others in group, I think that when Tora plays, he is not really on stage but in….Tora World! ^.^. He seems most into it. Still, he comes back to live and dances childishly like Hiroto and Saga looking just as cute. ^.^ But i guess if i had to chose a ♥こいびと♥ (♥.♥) I would love for it to be Tora. しかし, then again, i sometimes feel for Saga and even sometime-Shou. Hiroto I see as more of a double trouble buddy :p and Noa a big brother. But i guess i can’t escape Tora’s charm! ^.^ Je t’aime, Tora!

**Click On Their Pick to go to their Fanlisting**

Alice NinejrockShouSagaNaoToraHirotomusicJapanese
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