So I’m extremely stressed lately.

Helping people is supposed to make you feel good, right?

I feel like I’m being taken advantage of.

Member the Pirates I told you about? Well the one got into trouble now the other one is left with a baby and no income. Now he’s relying on my boyfriend and me for his needs. First he suckered us into letting him sleep here. Then He was bumming cigarettes of my boyfriend and eating our leftovers when we usually can only afford a meal a day, but then he hasn’t had anything at all so we feel bad. Then, still feeling very much sorry for him, we let him stay a few nights because he said he was working something out with a local pastor.

I started to get upset when he would sit at my business all day not even looking for a job. Then when he realized I wouldn’t give him any more of my boyfriend’s cigarettes while he was asleep, he started hustling my costumers for cigarettes and money. He would also bother me about putting on movies for him when I was busy at work and when I forgot he came up to me and reminded me in a way I found quite rude. I was upset but I went and did it. He also takes up computers too that are needed for customers.

Eventually I told my boyfriend who became close to him than I, especially at the moment, that he can’t hang out here all day and that he should be looking for a job and that he also could not sleep here either. He never slept here before and just because he has a baby does not mean he can now.

Although I did let the baby stay as they asked.

Now we’re basically taking care of it and it’s not fair. I’m still young and shouldn’t be doing this yet, at least I didn’t choose to. He’s a man basically pawning off his child to young people not yet ready for their own baby, leaving its responsibility to us! (Well my boyfriend actually, I refuse to watch or be responsible for someone else child other than family).

And he wants be to start a baby fund for him here and put it next to my tip jar. That’s basically him stealing extra money I get along with my low/part time income. And on top of that, he keeps requesting $20.

I finally gonna say it…NO!

I’m tired of people who use you and at the same time tell you, you have to learn to say no and when you do, they think you’re a mean person.

Well I can’t support my self, my boyfriend, and a man and his child.  I don’t care if it’s mean but either he has to find somewhere else soon, or at least a job or I will be forced to call child services as it’s my responsibility as an adult now. But I don’t want to get a friend’s child taken away, but I can’t leave the baby on the streets and it can’t stay here…what to do??!!

Besides that I’ve just been having dark thoughts lately. I guess it’s stemming from this problem and the rest I have.

I guess I should be a little less nice next time…

o(*≧д≦)o″)) “Mean Cheza…” /// Cheza o(´^｀)o …Namida…

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Many hours later…

 Well I guess I took too long to type the post above in between work and stuff, so it wouldn’t save right. So I saved it word to continue later. But I didn’t know that it would happen so fast. So yes, the Pirate and his baby are gone. It was a big argument where he said he wasn’t the problem and his baby wasn’t the problem but when I asked if I was he said I guess so. How rude! I got so mad I basically kicked him out. (And almost literally did it!) (>.<)!! And of course it cause tension between by boyfriend and I because they talked a lot. But they really were backstabbers to each other. My boy friend use to tell me not to feed the strays because they keep coming back, now he was the one feeding them. And that guy use to come on to me and tell me he’s ready for me whenever I break up with my boyfriend. That was when I started to hate him more.

Anyway he’s gone so I want to just put it in the past.

I was waiting for the gypsy who rents the alley from us. I like talking to her, her spiritual outlook on the world and life is amazing. It’s just nice to hear her talk about things. She showed me a wand she’s making at the moment. And I’m kind of into that stuff and she wants to teach me more. But she also agreed that I was doing the right thing about the situation and that I wasn’t the problem. I really needed to hear that from someone. My boyfriend sure started to agree with the pirate…I thought I was alone on the subject and really might ha

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The next day…

So I never got a chance to finish this post a second time. Well the next day the gypsy lady tells me that they caught him ton camera stealing his bike. She was furious. She said she feels it was because he asked her for money and she didn’t have it and he thinks she was influencing my choice to kick him out. So he did it for revenge but he made a mistake, a very dumb one.

She has a restraining order against him and he is not allowed to come near her and her stuff which includes our business because she rents here too. She says she was not angry about her bike because it was a good thing he can’t come around here no more; it permanently got rid of extra stress.

But there’s still tension between the boy friend and I regardless. It’s not like it use to be … Even I admit we are not for each other, as he likes to claim sometimes. I deny it, but I secretly believe it too. Sad thing is it’s probably one of the only thoughts left we have in common, where both may be right…

No more pirate acquaintances for me for awhile,

Cheza

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(*｀ω´)σ PS:: Maybe I should round up the courage to get rid of another certain someone who I fine unappealing at the time, an utter annoyance. But I need to see the great wizard, Oz first.

Wow…My blog has turned into a Neopets/Art Blog….hehe

Not really my intentions, I just don’t really have much else to blog….nothing else is really going on.

Finally did get a charger for my camera about a month ago but I can’t seem to find how to video. I’m starting to think it dosent do that. What digital camera these days does not have that feature?! It’s a Casio Elixim. I might end up selling it to help pay for a Canon perhaps…like the one I use to have. I miss that camera. But this takes picturea still so I’m having some entertainment with it I guess.

There was a fire too. Two blocks down from us. Smoke filled the air so thick that it seemed the fire was a few doors down. It was a little frightint since there was a great fire that nearly destroyed our city years ago. It’s part of our history.

Recently…as in just a few minutes ago I had abit of an argument w/ my boyfriend. Sometimes he acts a little to cocky for my liking.

He’s one of those people who are good at everything, which I don’t mind because If I need help doing anything, such as playing games on neopets, I have one of those ‘ultimate people’ lol.

Just now he was saying again how he can do anything, I sarcastically started asking if he knew about creating websites usuing html. He ‘claimes’ he can. The basics are pretty normal for people who generally use computers to know now adays so I give him that. But he got cocky with it, especially when I said that one code error could make everything or atleast the majority of it not work. I said this because I know of one thing he cant do and that is spell, which is pretty crucial that you not mispell codes which is almost another language, a computer language. So if you can’t spell in this language….get where I was going with that? As well he’s not even a computer user. I could live on it, he’s gets bored with it, as if there is nothing to to on it where I have limtied time (I feel sometimes, lol) for all the internet has to offer me. He claims her knows html because his sister showed him on myspace, but it’s much harder than he thinks.

I guess I got a little upset again because I thought computers were the one thing I was better at than him, that he couldn’t surpass me in.

I have to be honest though, at times I do feel envious. Usually its when I think I pretty good at something, then he does it better. It didnt get to me at first, but when he seemed to do all I thought I was uniquely good at just as good or better, usually better. I don’t mean to be that way, but I have the emotion like others and it comes out sometimes and I get frustrated with him and I can be a bit rude about it.

I fear my envy might turn this into a competition between us, causing much tension. I really really don’t want that.

If anyone reads this, and has and idea of what I can do to not feel this way, please help.

S.O.S. ////ChezAi

I’m really a boy,

who lives in a tree house,

and I like to play Pirates all day!

♥

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Eien

So I’m very much into dance which makes sense that one of my reality favorites is the new America’s Best Dance Crew. As much as I love dancing myself, I love to watch other performers. This season, from the early beginning, Quest Crew has won me. Their style is very entertaining and they have me dreaming of doing the stunts they do.  So usually I don’t get involved with all the call in to vote but, my mom, who is currently into it too, loves Quest Crew also so I was kinda of convinced into doing it…on two phones at once! hehe… But they really do deserve it and I honestly think that they had no real real close competition. There were some like the Ring Masters (A very entertaining circus like group with amazing illusional stunts.), Team Millennia, and I have to admit, my favorite of all girl group, or mostly girls, was the Fly Kicks who I thought were pretty damn good that it would have been my choice to see the perform alongside Quest Crew in the final. They Beat Freaks do have awesome choreography but people I think enjoyed watching the Fly Kicks anyway…plus that’s a tight name! lol I have a feeling whether I voted or not, it’s a sure thing Quest Crew will probably win. If not, it’s a hoax. ;p!

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This is my favorite member Hok Konishi. Whenever I watch them my eyes usually spot him out I think because of his style and he’s so funny to watch. Feng’s crazy but cool hair catches me too. And I think Dominic Sandoval (AKA: ‘D-Trix)’ was hilarious when he pulled his pants dance for the semi finals (I think it was.)

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I hope this video works, but it probably is their best performance and probably a best on the show too!

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Until next time…………………………………………………….Chezkoi

This I would say I felt is my first true and special Valentines.  I didn’t do anything too special, but I was with some one extremely special. He got me a very adorable red bear that he stuck a chocolate rose in the grip of its arms but someone in the house unfortunately has eaten the chocolate rose. (T.T)

He also got me chocolates and smothered me in XOXOXOX which I loved best! (^.^)V!

Then, as my gift to him since he doesn’t particularly care for chocolate or stuffed animals, I took him out to eat.

Things got a little crazy on Valentines so the day after I treated dinner @ La Carreta (Mexican food). He loved it and i did too! I enjoyed most of the dinner that it was just the two of us.  ああ~  ロマンチック!!! (^.^)VVVVV!!!

He ordered the shrimp and steak fajita and I ordered a Bean and cheese burrito with rice.

Later we went to a parade. (My first in years!)

I took some pictures of today but I didn’t have time to upload and post.

This one I saved for today:

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO ChezAi

So yesterday, I had a friend coming to pick me up from work and a few minutes after she tried to stop at a red light and the car hydroplaned into the one in front. It wasn’t so bad though. The car in front just got a crack and some paint scratches on the bumper in primarily the one spot. But my friend’s car was all messed up in the front. The hood was smashed up and the lights broke out. She still managed to drive it home though. I saw it coming. Believe it or not I was thinking of a similar scenario as I was waiting for her to come. But it was something that made my day abit more interesting.

So my phone came in yesterday too! Just this morning I took some pictures to try out on the phone. Then I edited them in photoshop.

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Also I tried takin a picture of my nail design but it did not show good. Maybe I’ll try again to take better ones but it is a bit difficult on a phone camera due to its lack of quality in most cases compared to a regular digital camera.

It was V shaped gold and black tip design and three fingers had the jewels on it. This has to be one of my least favorite designs I have had done. The people first of all did not give me what I wanted and told me (well tried) telling me what to do and get and they were mean and rude.

I use to document all my nail designs on my phone before this but it was lost before I could save the photos…which sucks because I had some good ones.

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Well this is all for now…I have something i have to do right quick. Same time tommorrw? lol…okay!

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XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOCheza

Today I went to the park.

On the way we stopped at a store to buy bread.

I was upset at first becacuse I was trying to feed the duckies, but the segulls kep stealing it from them.

I do have to say though, on their behalf, that seagulls deseved their food. They fought for it unlike the ducks who gave up. I guess that can be admirable as well as annoying of them.

Eventually I did feed the ducks and manages to get three of them to take it from my hand…which is how I learned ducks don’t hurt when they bite…i think so?

Sadly today was not a good day as it went on. My bff, bf, and I got into a fight.  I was sad because I had to make a decision, tough one. It was who I wanted to spend more time with and usually I guess most people would answer their friends…but they are not in love. And even if at the moment it seems wrong to you,  from an outside pov,  we will learn in the end.

I was given the advice of following what I felt was right at the moment. I’m more that half confident it was the right decision, but not 100%. Instead, I did what I wanted because I believed it was what my heart was telling me what it wanted—to be loved.

People tell me (us) that we are too young to understand what love is. I believe that maybe true for the most part. I believe love takes time to learn and trust. I also believe not many young people have true love beacuse they have not began to learn it or trust it being fagile at first. Either/or they are blindsider by other things more important to them than finding love. Many are too young for the commitment, they are not ready to be tied down because most young people really just want to feel free.

I wasn’t directly looking for love I  guess…but it found me and I wasn’t about to let what I believed to be real and true leave.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX Cheza & Eien I.T.S.U.M.O

Hmm…Lately it’s been pretty lame ’round here. I haven’t been able to manage in some time to blog in the past week. I either didn’t have privacy or when I did go to blog, my mind was blank. Really I have nothing special to talk about, not really any good news…

The times aren’t going as well as I had planned. . . like always.

I’m looking right now at a lady with a dog. His name is Mr.Jingles. She put two ponytails on side of his head.

I want a dog.

I want to dress it up too! (^.^)

可愛さ, !!!

I don’t like a lady I work with. She’s really rude. She looks at you mean and when I say Thank you or Bless you, she walks away. I’ve tried to talk to her, but she shuns me away. I could care less if she didn’t like me, because now I don’t like her too much anymore, but at least I’m not rude back. That only makes me adespiteful person back if not more.

She just did it again…was rude…and i walked away…again…

sigh…

Am I a bad person? There are a few people, two to be recent, who make me feel as so. The people I speak of now, are my best friend and my boy friend.

She feel:: that I don’t spend as much time with her anymore.

I feel:: That when I came back she was the only person around me I really knew at the time so I spent most of it with her…but now that I have a boyfriend, i want to spend time with him. So i don’t spend as much with her and now she is upset.

Now —-

She feel: I over do my time spent with him.

I feel:: Loss of freedom - I can’t do what I want with my boyfriend without her being there–that goes for being there physically and mentally. The guilt is ruining my relationship with him.

At the moment, I feel both relationships are failing. Right now, I’m trying to please her so that she doesn’t feel that way and at the same time so she won’t be too mad with him either…but then I’m losing a relationship with him. But if I go the opposite way, I’m losing a relationship with her.

Guilty truth:: I have been spending more time with him overall.

Reason Why:: Well I work during the day and she starts as I get off. Then when I am with her, she’s always in a bad mood and I hate being around upset people so I tend to either stray away or just not talk and move, afraid to say something or do something inappropriate at the moment due to my immense aggravation of a best friend who is always mad at the world that it’s ruining hers and everyone close to her’s day/time/life.

It’s quite depressing…

And the only thing I know, that lets me escape this probelem, is listening to my ipod with my music…

But everyone uses it or I have to share it…not that I mind but I would like just to have it to myself more often than when i ride to and from work…still not even then.

Oh well…there it is…my blog post finally…and all i did was complain! even i am upset that this is all I have to talk about, but it’s all that’s going on.

But if you read this and have advice…you can still comment. It would be appreciated.

I think i might go look for solutions right this minute….

Till next time….

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ChezKoi

どうして…

How could she do this to me…

I thought she was my bff…

-sigh- I’m very sad. I think I found love…remember? I’m happy with him, I really like him alot and he does for me to…but she’s taking him away…My Bff wants to kick him out…and this time I don’t think I can do anything to stop.

Yes, he did bring it upon himself but then she goes and over dose it.

She never even tells him though that she is mad, she won’t talk about anything really, especially if she is upset with you. She just waits till she can’t take it no more and explodes on you. I told her already that if she dosen’t like something someone either dose or says, she should let them know, not act like it’s allright and then they get confused when all of a sudden it isn’t anymore.

But i almost cried last night, but I didn’t. I wanted to, but not in front of her, especially because of the topic it’s about.

But now, if he is gone, I will hardly ever get to see him…it would basically be over…

I begged, I tried and she still kept saying no, but I had hope when I awoke and she seemed a little at ease about it, but as time draws near I get more and more worried.  I hope when I get there later, he is not gone.

I definitely will cry until she takes him back in!

I think she’s a bit jealous because everyone says I spend most of my time with him, like I said before. When I am trying to spend time with him, I can’t enjoy it because she makes me feel guilty and uncomfortable. All I think about is her  and I feel bad/guilty and I end up not enjoying being with him, but at the same time I so desperately want to because when we do get too and I’m not feeling guilty about it, it’s so warm feeling…it’s good.

But even if this is the case, how could she not think of what I want or how I feel. I may not let her know directly just yet, or it may spill out.

I don’t know at the moment…

Please wish for me in your dreams…opps…I mean US!

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOCheza

To My BFF:: Ravey Please don’t…I’m still and always will be ur bestest and I love you…but I love him too…I wish I could talk to you about my realtionship too, because that’s what friends or for…but I can’t with you. You keep judging and critizing and disagreeing with it…and it hurts.

It’s hurting more than you know…

He said it…as if he read my blog!

It felt so right too, Mi corazon ::ドキドキ!

He confessed to me what I asked to know, what I desired to know.

He told me he had long felt it before, but was nervous to say, because he was not sure I felt the same, and to not pressure me.

-blush-

愛…ああ　いいな!

BTW:: I made a post a few back, about a feeling for someone. It’s not my boyfriend I was talking about…but someone else. It’s different though, and more complicated to both explain and personally for me to say. But it’s just a crush I believe…well now that I know what I know…it may be nothing….

******************************************愛*し*て*  る********Chez恋