I think I see the light now..

All this instability really got to me lately. Traveling from place to place, not quite sure how I’ll get to wherever it is I end up that night or how I’ll get to wherever it is when needed the next day. Where I’ll sleep that night,  where I will have to leave my stuff, when can I get my stuff. How to be with whom I want when I want.

How to make it all work…that is what I desire right now. I need some kind of guidance, but know one seems to have that…know one else can seem to help me, know one else knows.

I have thoughts…and no one is there to hear them so I can be helped.

But then, lady, a stranger, saw my despair and she prayed for me to have the strenght I need and the guidence I need.

Oddly, as realistic as it may seem, I sort of think it worked. Ever since that day, things have been easier for me. Everything seems to be falling into place now.

I was told that I would be rewarded for getting through these troubles. I hope so.

Already to start, I’m more stable. I sort of have two places to stay while I try to move(again) into a place more my own. I still have those days where my plans are changed at last moment and I switch nights I spend at each but I have a constant ride now for the most part.

I am still happily with my boyfriend but my relationshp with my BFF continues to fail. I went to visit her the other day and I had some stuff at her house so as I was leaving I decided to get some of it to bring to my mom’s house which is where I am ‘mainly’ living. She got mad instantly and then started complaining that she had to be the work soon but at the same time she told me that I might as well grab all my stuff.  ???? So what does she want? Does she want me to really take it all or does she want us to stop and bring her to work. So trying to be polite & bring out the last bag I had. The next thing I know she’s roughly grabbing my things and slightly throwing them together into the hall way for me to get. This made me mad. This is the main reason why I wish not too see her so much lately because she has been acting like this. But she complains that I never talk/visit her anymore. I hope she’ll one day realize why when I’ve stopped finally…along with alomost everyone else who has already.

Another thing I need to get off my chest is how she told me I don’t have anything compared to her. She thinks she’s better than me (or doing better) because she has her own place and I’m not. The only reason she has her own place (with nothing in it but a matress, a dresser, the smallest tv and her stuff in her room) is from the money she gets ’stripping’ and I refuse to take my clothes off for some money. Honestly I think I have it better. I have  a good job running an internet cafe that I might inherit someday and most importantly I have friends and people who enjoy beng around me. So in the end she may gloat about what she has but she won’t have anyone to share it with soit will be worth nothing while everything I will obtain, let it be a home, car, or whatever even personal things I will at least have people to show, share, and enjoy it with and in the end that will matter because I’ll be happy and she won’t.

So for now, I’ve kinda just let her go to do her own thing while I’ll do mine.

So right now my short term goals are to get another job for extra income. At the moment I do make enough to live good off of for my first job. What I want the second job for is to help get more income to save for things like a car and a place and I really want to but some people things that I had to pass up since I had just moved close to Christmas time and had no more to buy for others.

Well wish me luck! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Cheza

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