Nothing else…nothing better…

by chezkoi:hellokitty.com

Hmm…Lately it’s been pretty lame ’round here. I haven’t been able to manage in some time to blog in the past week. I either didn’t have privacy or when I did go to blog, my mind was blank. Really I have nothing special to talk about, not really any good news…

The times aren’t going as well as I had planned. . . like always.

I’m looking right now at a lady with a dog. His name is Mr.Jingles. She put two ponytails on side of his head.

I want a dog.

I want to dress it up too! (^.^)

可愛さ, !!!

I don’t like a lady I work with. She’s really rude. She looks at you mean and when I say Thank you or Bless you, she walks away. I’ve tried to talk to her, but she shuns me away. I could care less if she didn’t like me, because now I don’t like her too much anymore, but at least I’m not rude back. That only makes me adespiteful person back if not more.

She just did it again…was rude…and i walked away…again…

sigh…

Am I a bad person? There are a few people, two to be recent, who make me feel as so. The people I speak of now, are my best friend and my boy friend.

She feel:: that I don’t spend as much time with her anymore.

I feel:: That when I came back she was the only person around me I really knew at the time so I spent most of it with her…but now that I have a boyfriend, i want to spend time with him. So i don’t spend as much with her and now she is upset.

Now —-

She feel: I over do my time spent with him.

I feel:: Loss of freedom - I can’t do what I want with my boyfriend without her being there–that goes for being there physically and mentally. The guilt is ruining my relationship with him.

At the moment, I feel both relationships are failing. Right now, I’m trying to please her so that she doesn’t feel that way and at the same time so she won’t be too mad with him either…but then I’m losing a relationship with him. But if I go the opposite way, I’m losing a relationship with her.

Guilty truth:: I have been spending more time with him overall.

Reason Why:: Well I work during the day and she starts as I get off. Then when I am with her, she’s always in a bad mood and I hate being around upset people so I tend to either stray away or just not talk and move, afraid to say something or do something inappropriate at the moment due to my immense aggravation of a best friend who is always mad at the world that it’s ruining hers and everyone close to her’s day/time/life.

It’s quite depressing…

And the only thing I know, that lets me escape this probelem, is listening to my ipod with my music…

But everyone uses it or I have to share it…not that I mind but I would like just to have it to myself more often than when i ride to and from work…still not even then.

Oh well…there it is…my blog post finally…and all i did was complain! even i am upset that this is all I have to talk about, but it’s all that’s going on.

But if you read this and have advice…you can still comment. It would be appreciated.

I think i might go look for solutions right this minute….

Till next time….

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ChezKoi

どうして…?

by chezkoi:hellokitty.com

どうして…

How could she do this to me…

I thought she was my bff…

-sigh- I’m very sad. I think I found love…remember? I’m happy with him, I really like him alot and he does for me to…but she’s taking him away…My Bff wants to kick him out…and this time I don’t think I can do anything to stop.

Yes, he did bring it upon himself but then she goes and over dose it.

She never even tells him though that she is mad, she won’t talk about anything really, especially if she is upset with you. She just waits till she can’t take it no more and explodes on you. I told her already that if she dosen’t like something someone either dose or says, she should let them know, not act like it’s allright and then they get confused when all of a sudden it isn’t anymore.

But i almost cried last night, but I didn’t. I wanted to, but not in front of her, especially because of the topic it’s about.

But now, if he is gone, I will hardly ever get to see him…it would basically be over…

I begged, I tried and she still kept saying no, but I had hope when I awoke and she seemed a little at ease about it, but as time draws near I get more and more worried.  I hope when I get there later, he is not gone.

I definitely will cry until she takes him back in!

I think she’s a bit jealous because everyone says I spend most of my time with him, like I said before. When I am trying to spend time with him, I can’t enjoy it because she makes me feel guilty and uncomfortable. All I think about is her  and I feel bad/guilty and I end up not enjoying being with him, but at the same time I so desperately want to because when we do get too and I’m not feeling guilty about it, it’s so warm feeling…it’s good.

But even if this is the case, how could she not think of what I want or how I feel. I may not let her know directly just yet, or it may spill out.

I don’t know at the moment…

Please wish for me in your dreams…opps…I mean US!

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOCheza

To My BFF:: Ravey Please don’t…I’m still and always will be ur bestest and I love you…but I love him too…I wish I could talk to you about my realtionship too, because that’s what friends or for…but I can’t with you. You keep judging and critizing and disagreeing with it…and it hurts.

It’s hurting more than you know…

HE SAID IT!! ドキドキ!!!!

by chezkoi:hellokitty.com

He said it…as if he read my blog!

It felt so right too, Mi corazon ::ドキドキ!

He confessed to me what I asked to know, what I desired to know.

He told me he had long felt it before, but was nervous to say, because he was not sure I felt the same, and to not pressure me.

-blush-

愛…ああ いいな!

BTW:: I made a post a few back, about a feeling for someone. It’s not my boyfriend I was talking about…but someone else. It’s different though, and more complicated to both explain and personally for me to say. But it’s just a crush I believe…well now that I know what I know…it may be nothing….

******************************************愛*し*て*  る********Chez

Chez Update

by chezkoi:hellokitty.com

Lately, I’ve been down a little. Being back here I’ve been meeting so many people daily that I think it has brought me down. Every time someone knew comes over, I feel once again left out of new memories my friends made while I was away and now I feel so much like an outsider as they talk amongst themselves, forgetting about me basically. I mean not basically…it just feels that way. I wish here I could for once invite people over, introduce my friends to more like they have done for me. Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful because I have met so many people, but I feel like I desperately need to be by people I am more familiar with and feel more at ease with. That’s why I trying to schedule a quick escape to maybe my dad’s so I can chill with my brother like good old days. So I’m a bit excited. The thing is I was planning to actually leave this weekend, but I fear leaving this month. A friend…(a boy friend actually, but shhh!) is having probelms at the moment. He recently I belive lost his home because his father is very ill and so his father and his little sister went to live with his other older sister but there was no room for him so moved in with his cousin and my bff. Well, they have been disputing lately and she wants to kick him out and I can’t possibly leave and come back to him being gone. I will worry too much where he is because he has no direct place as of now. I can’t let this happen. So I think I might stay, just till the end of the month when I know for sure he will be alright if I leave him behind. If not, I want to try and bring him with me to visit my dad for a few days but you know how ‘fathers’ can be.

I am so STILL trying to get a charger for my camera! Why are you being so difficult!!

So, speaking of this ‘boyfriend’ of mine. I am sad a little about this subject too. I don’t feel needed. His last girfirend (who is still in love obsessed with him) hangs out with us everyday. I know for a fact she still is in love, she told me already that she is and will always cause of their past and because if their past and to not be rude, I allow them to still hang together and be friends and she comes over like I said almost everyday. In fact she gives me rides to work. We’re all cool about it (as far as I know). But she makes my feel unneeded by him. She still lets him borrow her car almost everday while she is at work, she buys him things still, like daily necesities and extra. He gets anything he really needs from her. What hurts is that everyone keeps bringing it up, especially last night how he ‘had the life’ and I don’t want to be in a ‘group relationship?’. Besides that, he claims to have not liked her as much as he did me. But as they were breaking up he still said I love you. I wish I knew a little deeper how close they were. During X-mas time or actually a little before it, he spoke to me about making a relationship work because I was a bit less comunicative in that area and he was too but we agreed to work on it. The only real fight we had so far was a misunderstaning that led to us not talking for about 3-4 days? And i hear later, from her that they were together for X-mas. What? I know she wasn’t just saying that to break us up because at that time no one really knew yet. Still to this day I have kept quiet. I don’t want to let that ruin everything now with a stupid fight. She has already said that while she is sad about not being with him that she is happy for me because he is a great guy and we had two talks about him and she kind of wants to get away from him but just enough to where she puts herself first again and not him and get her life back on track.

-sigh- It’s a tough subject to talk about just one part without understading the rest. Yes she still loves him, Supposedly no he dose not return the love anymore and hasn’t for a while. Yes we are cool for the most part, (but I’m sure part of her dose hate me). No I am not jealous or else I would not let them hang together, but I will admit that I am starting to get aggravated with her antics to try and win him back. They were funy to watch at first, now it’s getting annoying because it’s as if she realized how I don’t do anything when she tries and so she’s gonna do it more or whatnot. -sigh- This is all too much. I’ll maybe update on this subject later. I don’t really feel much like ( or have time to) get into this subject but I think what I was really trying to say was I didn’t feel needed and I guess a little down because a girl likes to be told sweet and romantic things like I love you even if they don’t truly mean in like that yet it’s still an affectionate thing that isn’t so uncommon for many couples to say, especially as young and naive to love as we may be at a youthful age. But why did he say it to her when he did not mean it but did it out of force to be nice. Why not to me too? Just to make me feel good…

Does he…?

Would he…?

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOCheza

{ Let her know, boy!}~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ChezKoi

Movie Update

by chezkoi:hellokitty.com

So as an update from yesterday, here are the movies be have gotten so far, what they are about, and my thoughts on it::

  • sasquatch_gang.jpgth_star.gifth_star.gifth_star.gifth_star.gifThe Sasquatch Gang - This is about a group of nerds who one day go walking in the woods and find what they think is sasquatch footprints and doodie. hehe. Yeah, i know, this movie is hilarious!! This movie was the reason I went to blockbuster! I accidently caught it on demand and decided to watch it becasue the charming Jeremy Sumpter from the late Peter Pan movie was in it. I did not know what I was getting into. This movie is stupidly hilarious. It’s from the same people who did Napoleon Dynomite and he even makes a cameo. It’s so so funny I won’t stop till you see it!
  • death-race.jpgth_star.gifth_star.gifth_star.gifth_star.gifDeath Race - This movie is about a hardworking guy who is set up and fasely imprisoned for killing his wife. The prison he is sent to though it abit different that others. Here the warden has certain prisoners (mostly those with racing/automotive backgrounds) race customized cars built by other prisoners as she broadcasts it live from the prison for a fee. The rules are that if the racer wins 5 races, he will be released. It’s not as easy as it seems though. These cars have weapons that can be activated only by a signal when driven over the right cap in the ground. It’s kind of like the racing game in the newest Mortal Kombat game(I think). There are circles in the ground with symbols, either for a shield or a weapon use, which ever you get and when you drive over it, it becomes activated. So they battle it out, gruesomely as she makes a profit off it. Anywayb Jason Statham plays a racer pretending to be the late Frankestien - name coming from being in so many crashes that he is disfigured and has to wear a mask. He was one race away from winning but died in the infermatory but the warden wants to keep him (the name basically) alive for ratings. So she gets Jason Statham. So while he races he starts solving the murder of his wife. I really like this movie mostly because I love cars and these were tricked up to the max and had weapons! The overall story line wasn’t bad either but it is very much action pact which is always good. ^.^V But that is very much expected from a Jason Statham movie such as Transporter 1 & 2 and Crank.
  • crank.jpgth_star.gifth_star.gifth_star.gifth_star.gifCrank - This was another choice of mine. This is a movie where Jason Statham is injected with this chinese poison and he has to keep his adrenalie going to stay alive long enough for a cure. That’s all I think I have to say about this. Awesome action movie, a little dirty but very fast moving, exciting, and the fast beating heart in the background adds to your adrenaline as if you can feel what he’s going though. That was done very nicely. I really reccomend this movie.
  • forgetting-sarah-marshall.jpgth_star.gifth_star.gifForgetting Sarah Marshall - This is basically only about a guy who broke up with a girl and wants her back…pathetically. It’s pretty funny but the overall story line is not to special. This was chosen by a freind. She had seen it, said it was really funny and that she recommened it to us. I will say that is was way funnier than I thought I was and I even liked it which was not expected. When I first heard about it I read it as a billboard and I thought I was just a guy who broke up with someone and posted billboards about it all over the internet to get back. Then I found out it was a real movie but I did not expect much from it. I still reccomend it much.
  • righteous-kill.jpgRighteous Kill - This is about to longtime partners on the police force and one of them begins to kill 14 people because he can get away with it and part of it had to do with a longtime grudge over what one of them did in the past. That’s about all I got out of it. The same person suggested getting this movie. To me, the acting wasn’t bad and the story line is pretty good with a very unexpected but good twist at the end but how the came about putting it together or just the way the filmed it…it was too boring and dosen’t keep interest. Don’t get me wrong, I love Al Pacino and Robert DeNiro, I grew up watching them all the time in the Godfather because my dad liked it a lot. But this is probably my least favorite of any of their movies. In my opinion, it’s probably their worst but like a friend told me; “What do they care, they’re probably gonna retire soon anyway.” I kinda though it was funny but true. This definetly won’t hurt them though, that’s for sure.
  • crazy-8.jpgCrazyEights - This is a horror movie about these group of 6 old friends who meet up at the home of their other late friend and that friends sends them on a treasure hunt for a chest which ends up in them getting locked in a basement of a house and things start happenin…but you can’t see. So my best friend likes horror movies…alot. (Not particuarly me…too scary! lol) But i like to watch them and I have heard of these types of movies ’supposedly’ too horrific to show in theatre. This was horrific alright and I mean in the way it was made. It looks cheap which makes it dumb, you never really see anything but a doll*(*Which also had nothing to do with the story at all) leviating over a screaming girl in fog. The whole story dosen’t make sense. The characters were all stereotypical and so were the events that took place. And the ending was horrible and stupid. Just none of it made sense, it just made you look at it funny. I don’t reccommend even reading the title! (even my bestfriend was dissapointed)
  • jackass.jpgth_star.gifJackass (The first) - I got this one because I had only seen it once. This is basically self explanitory so I don’t think I have to go into any detail about what this movie might be about. Anyway it’s the first one and we’ll probably get the second next time we go. I like this one because I like the part when the dress like pandas and rat the streets of Japan and I like when then dress up as old people and do crazy things down the streets of SanFranciso and/or LA. (which ever it was)
  • my-bestfriends-girl.jpgth_star.gifth_star.gifth_star.gifMy Bestfriend’s Girl - This movie is about a guy(Dane Cook) is is hired by other guys to take their girl out on a date and be horrible to them so that their last boyfriend seemed better and they would go back to them. Well when his roomate asked him to do it, he ends up falling for her. This one I actually just watched last night when a friend left it for us to see. The story line is good, Dane is of course funny and overall it’s pretty fun movie watch.
  • family-guy-movie.jpgth_star.gifth_star.gifFamily Guy - [self explanitory] I got this because one of my friends (shockingly and sadly) was not familiar with family guy too well so, being the FamGuy Fan I am, had to get it for him to see. We aslo got a voulmn dvd too.
  • ufc1.jpgUFC 2 Classics - These were for San. This UFC dvd showed some of the best fights from when UFC had no rules.
  • ufc2.jpgFFC All Or Nothing - Also for San. This UFC dvd main fight was Silva vs. Lutter (who stood no chance!)
  • invaderzim.jpgInvader Zim - I got Volumn of Invader Zim beacuse it had been so long since I have seen it but I have all the epsidoes on my ipod but I was having trouble putting them on a dvd so we just rented them.
  • beetlejuce.jpgth_star.gifth_star.gifth_star.gifth_star.gifBeetlejuce - This was a movie my Bestfriend owned. It’s been atleast 7 years since I seen this. I LOVED this movie as a child and I’ve seen it three times in the last month, four in the last 2. ALWAYS RECCOMENDED! hehe
  • what-about-bob.jpgth_star.gifth_star.gifWhat about Bob? - This was an odd movie I had never heard of featuring Bill Murray. I say it’s odd because between a bunch of horror movies there’s this so it was kind of funny but apparently it was a gift?. No matter, it was not bad to watch and pretty funny. I did feel alittle bad for ‘Bob’ phychiatrist.
  • resident-evil.jpgth_star.gifth_star.gifResident Evil Extinction - This was another, perferab;y a favorite of my friends from her collections so she watches it alot. Besides that fact I had to endure watching this movie over and over again before so i’m knd of worn out of watching it but I still recommend it because I love Milla Jovovich ever since she played “Leeloo Multipass” lol. Good action, and you already know what she’s doing & what’s going on…killing zombies…duh…hehe
  • disturbia.jpgth_star.gifth_star.gifth_star.gifDisturbia - Finally, Disturbia is about a boy on house arrest and starts spying on neighbors out of bordom then starts noticing weird things happening with the new neighbor. This movie was better than I thought it was going to be too and Shia LaBeouf did a better job that i thought he would too. In the end, I liked it alot. This is probably one of the better one’s in her dark collection.

I already started a list for what I might want to get next time::

  • Inside Job
  • The Illusionist
  • The Prestige
  • Shoot ‘em Up

Chez Dai…

by chezkoi:hellokitty.com

Hmm…I just noticed that I had never even posted my resolutions. It’s not like I had been following as I promised. I mean i really can’t follow because I forgot to make them anyway. But and idea I had in my mind was to get abit more excercise to gain strength. That’s what I really want this year, to gain strenght and improve skills.

Well, that wasn’t too hard to think about…

So lately I’ve been down. I’m not quite sure why yet thou… I’ve been just feeling down, and sometimes I find myself verymuch agitated with ‘life’ in gerneral and the things that happen on a daily basis. Especially with the ppl I live with. I believe it is because I have no space and no solitude at all. This is why I am so determined to move and get a bigger place. I ‘need’ my own space, my own room to escape to when I need to do so. Sometimes I can barley take it and I get agitated and snap sometimes. Usually I listen to my ipod and use music as a remedy for these feeling. I put my headphones on and I’m gone. But I can’t even seem to do that. Either I hve to share, whch I don’t mind, but then they want to start requesting things I may not be feeling like listening to at the moment or they keep changing the songs and I then get annoyed and no longer want to even listen. Sometimes if i don’t offer to share, then they stare at me with a rude look or get mad at me. I’m not trying to be mean or a ‘lone wolf’ I just need SOME amount of time to just myself to calm and rejuvinate in a way. I guess what I’m trying to say is I feel smothered? maybe?…just a bit?

Anyway, besides that we decided to rent a bunch of movies since we don’t currently have cable. I’ll have to update that later though because I forgot already! (^-^? But i’ll do that tommorw. Today we have to return them anyway and we’ll probably get more tonight also!

I did mean to post yesterday too, but my friends were here so i was abit occupied. As well I saw and old time friend! I was happy! I like seeing friends after being away for so long.

Today feels good though, kinda as if I’m going to be doing something tonight that might be unexpected. I guess I’ll find out eventually.

Despite the few down moments, Everthing is just peachy at the moment. I don’t have too many ‘true’ worries and I like where I am and what I’m doing! Although, I could spend my free time a little better. hehe..

AiAiAiAi Ai Rabu JUUU!!!!!

Cheza <3’s U & mini moni*
minimoni1-1.jpg

This Post is about 愛

by chezkoi:hellokitty.com

I’m so stuck right now…

I need help and I wish I could ask someone, BUT since I’m a “pisces” e v e r y t h i n g    i s    p e r s o n a l.   -slaps self- Wake out of it Cheza!

All i can say at the moment is I think I may be having ’something’ for ’someone’. I know this isn’t such a big deal but it really is..if you just knew who the ’someone’ was. I mean, even if I did get close to this person…all  I can think of is all the problems I will have. But then again, i’m usually an easy going, flow with the wind, whatever type too.

But I am such a fool. I don’t even know this person well. There is just something about them. They remind me of someone I cared for dear through similar characteristics. I’ve had this sort of thing happen to me before but with…yeah YOU guys know….::.GA*KU*TO.::. V(^0^)V lol Once before an exboyfirend of mine had his smile almost exact and I coulnd’t resist because I love Gackt’s smile. **blush**

But even still, this is a whole new ball game. Neve before…i’m not sure, have I been attracted to a person like this. I’m not even sure if I am attracted anyway.  This is just sad. I can’t even tell how I feel…if i do like them, how will i know if they do?

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO CHEZ愛nagekiss2.gif

.::.CAFE UPDATE.::.

So my Dad emailed me back and basically gave me the “thumbs up” to go with my ideas but first get more clientele. I’m so excited. There was a comment he did make, but i’m not quite sure what he means by it but it sounded good.

But I am excited! I do realize already as it races through my mind as I type, all the work I’m gonna half to put into this but if I imagine it as just a little side project that I sometimes like to do I’ll keep with it! I just need to make it fun. That won’t be hard though considering I’m gonna be baking sweets and making coffee, two of my favorite things. (*∩-∩*)(#∩_∩#) ウンウン♪

Then I’ll make graphics and sell collectors coffee cups or something like that…

Well you know what I’m going to do? I’m going to update how it goes on my blog at various times. This will surely keep me with it! Wish me luck TAMA-S!!

So Last night, We had a Bed Paatii~! It’s a joke me and my bestfriend made because whenever we have a get together everyone ends up in a small spaced place in the house just talking as if nothing. Well yesterday aftenon, people we just coming over and joining in on a Heroes Season 1 Marathon and we all ended up laying in a bed watching Tv, and eating….basically just chillaxing. It’s more funny than fun I think because it’s just such a coincedence everytime! :p But yea, so one person left, then one came, and another left and four more came then another left as one came back. It was crazy last night….then again it usually is like that almost evernight lately. Why does everyone come to chill at our home? Hehe, I sure don’t mind though. Since we have no basic entertainment, they make up for that. They keep me unbored and I like it. They can leave a big mess though and sissuh dosen’t like that.

Anyway some of them want to go out tonight and I guess I all for it!

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX Cheza

Abra-Ka-DUH CHEZ’!!!!

by chezkoi:hellokitty.com

So, one of my dream goals in life was to open a cafe. It took me until today to realize just how close I am to this dream. For about two weeks now I have been part-time working in my father’s computer cafe. The other day he asked for my ideas so I typed of a page full of my listed ideas and just sent them to him. I now realize that if he agrees to expand the cafe part, that I would have more control over what I can sell there to please people and eventually I want to sell my own created sweets to my customers. It will be a begenning to a good future, my future! I’m so excited. For the past two years I have been planning and planning to mearly get started to where I wanted to be, and that was a cafe owner. And two years later (and wasted) I have not even begun step one or really begun anything. Something always happens, or my plans always fall through. And for almost 10 years this shop has been with us and I just realize this a few moments ago that I can make this shop better and into what I visulize more and make it my own and more successful!

(^.^) I’m so excited! I’m gonna start thinking of ideas tonight!

One More Day…

by chezkoi:hellokitty.com

Happy New Year’s Eve Already???

The New Year is almost here, but I am a bit worried because I don’t feel completely ready. I still haven’t thought about resolutions like I said and I have alot of preparing to do tonight.

(´`)=3 -sigh-

I know that I do have alot planned soon.

  • We plan to move into a bigger house withing the next couple of months.
  • I want to get a new camera or a charger for it.
  • I still wanted to get a few gifts.
  • I do want to start being more active and get into shape. Lately I’ve been just hanging around the house. I want to either just join a gym, or maybe I’ll join a sport or activity this year round. Try something new I guess.
  • I would also like to be more organized.

Now my resolutions come to me…but I want to stop now to really think about it before I make a final decision for New Years. And this year I promise to keep to it!

th_img174.gif

One thing i may miss this year is a marathon. It was always a coincidence that I ended up watching one every year. That was how I came to love Naruto. (^.~)V

But this year, we just got a new tv for the house but we did not set up the cable yet so I fear i will watch no marathon this year…..

wait, as i was typing that I remembered that I was currently in the process of downloading a tv series to watch…Invader Zim!

I Love Gir!!!!

gir2.jpg



Well this all depends on if it even loads fast enough!

Well, till tomorrow…BaiBai.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ChezKoi

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