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<strong><span style=”color:#3333ff;”><span style=”font-size:130%;”>M</span>y</span></strong> classes at the Ateneo officially ended yesterday. Saying good-bye to students, especially if it’s a small class, isn’t always easy. Thanks to Facebook, the parting becomes easier.

I know this may sound funny but I built a Facebook account ahead of my 18-year old daughter. Now considered to be the most popular social networking site in many countries, Facebook has become the largest player on the global stage. According to a March 2009 Nielsen report on “Global Faces and Networked Places - Social Networking’s Global Footprint”, social networking has been the global consumer phenomenon of 2008. The report says, “Two-thirds of the world’s internet population visit a social network or a blogging site and the sector now accounts for 10% of all internet time.”

The fact that I acquired a Facebook (FB) account earlier than any of my children is also explained in the report. Although social networking sites were initially very popular among teen-agers, Facebook has apparently changed all that. “The greatest growth for Facebook has come from people aged 35-49 years of age (+24.1 Million). Furthermore, Facebook has added almost twice as many 50-64 year olds visitors (+13.6 Million) than it has added under 18 year old visitors (+7.3 Million). That explains why, my husband who though sociable would be the last one to indulge in social networking is now an active member of the FB community as well.

Facebook has already replaced My Space as the world’s most popular social network and is now visited by three in every ten people across the globe. In the United Kingdom, it is visited by 47% of Britons online and in its country of origin, the U.S., it registers 33%. I wonder what the statistics are like for us here in the Philippines?

I once asked a mid-40s friend of mine if her son was on Facebook and she said that he wasn’t too keen on it because “It’s filled with parents!” I had to laugh at her remark because it was so true. I find that Facebook has become the playground of the 40something generation and that the 50somethings are now discovering it too. It is also a wonderful to re-connect with old friends who have disappeared, ex-boyfriends and girlfriends included.

As a parenting tool, it is a nice way to interact with your children – on a different level, in a dimension that they can fully identify with and understand. I’ve asked educator friends to create accounts of their own, not to keep tabs on their students but rather as a means of communicating with them, and well, okay, finding out their thoughts. Facebook status updates are very telling and a great way of knowing one’s current mood or state of mind. Something that parents can use to their advantage.
Over at the hallowed halls of Stanford University, the course “Facebook for Parents” was launched last month. Created by BJ Fogg, Director of the Persiasive Technology Lab at Stanford and co-editor of “The Psychology of Facebook”, the free, four-part course was immediately filled by parents eager to navigate the FB world. It is a hands-on course that aims to help parents navigate the site, create their own page, learn about threats and safety and examine the various ways that FB can teach kids life lessons and social skills. Fogg has a website www.facebookforparents.org he has an informative newsletter as well for parents of children under the age of 18 that readers can sign up and receive for free.

If you are a newbie to social networking sites and would like to know more about your child’s world – not in a manner of intruding, but rather, of getting to know him or her in a different light – I highly suggest that you set up an FB account yourself. Fogg outlines five simple steps :

Sign up for Facebook at www.facebook.com
“Friend” your kids. To “friend” someone on Facebook means connecting to them. Your kids may initially balk at this, but if you have an open and healthy relationship to begin with, “friending” them should not be a problem.
Review your kids profile pages. Go to their profile pages and review their content. Don’t stop at the “wall”. Click on the tabs for “photos” and “Info” to see more. Some of the pages can be amusing and you begin to see your child in a different light. You learn more about their interests, what they are “fans” of and how they communicate with their peers.
Review who is “friends” with your child. Click on “see all” on the Friends box to see who your children’s contacts are. Seeing who is friends with whom is typical FB behavior so don’t feel like you are snooping.
Select “More About” for your kids. Watch for items about your child in your news feed. Click on that item and select the “More About” option. This tells FB to show you more about that person in the future.

A word of warning though. On FB, the observation and connecting go both ways. On the one hand, it may be good for your child to see your more “humane” side as she or he observes first-hand how you connect with your own contacts online. Be careful though of what you say or post or you may never hear the end of it at the dinner table. Childhood secrets are often let loose on the wall or in those multitude of “notes” that crop up every now and then. The wonderful thing about FB is that for once, there is a playground where children, teeners and their mid-life parents are able to romp around in. Play fair. Happy Facebooking!

Meeting Echo was a nice way to begin the month.

It was a welcome respite from a busy, emotion wracked but neverthless blessed February. We were at the Discovery Suites yesterday afternoon on assignment from the paper. What can I tell you — he’s real, he’s nice, very well-grounded and such a simple and sensible young man.

P was with me, she took these pictures and she was quite impressed with him too. Very articulate, he made no qualms about his background and says he lives his life with no regrets. Turning 30 this year, three things he is very passionate about — acting, singing and surfing. The latter he indulges in everytime he has two free days off in a row - “I’m off to Baler this week-end,” he grins.

Ah Baler. I tell him that we fell in love with him in that movie and that he was so deserving of the best actor award. “You really should have gotten it,” I tell him. He grins and replies, as he acknowledges my unabashed compliment of his portrayal of the ill-fated and dashing Celso Resurreccion — “Well, there’s my trophy right there.” *sigh

These Bicolanos sure know how to flatter. I know. I married one

Even grown men cry.

At 11:30 AM today, the Chapel of the Holy Angels at the Ateneo de Manila University Grade School was filled to the rafters as members of his family, friends and the school community bid Amiel Alcantara good-bye in a mass that was concelebrated by university president, Fr. Ben Nebres, and Fr. Kit Bautista, grade school headmaster.

In a tribute to his youngest brother, Avie Alcantara said that Amiel had wanted to achieve three things in life — “to be an Eagle scout, a soldier and to be legendary.” By dying early, Avie said, he managed to achieve two — now he is a soldier of God and in a manner of speaking, has become legendary. “I now understand why he seemed to be more advanced than me even if I was older than him. Why he used hair gel at an early age, why he had a celphone and I didn’t, why he used Axe deo cologne and why he was so adept at YM. I guess it was because he was going to leave us early.”

Avie’s talk was followed by a beautiful, moving five-minute video tribute made by his uncle, set to the song “Gone Too Soon”. At this point, there was no dry eye in the entire church, including mine.

Pepe Alcantara gave the response on behalf of the family and in his message he made some salient and very insightful points –

For his son Amiel he said — “Forgive me for not being there with you. I would have wanted to be there, to hold you, to protect you.” Pepe recalled tearfully how at 6:45 AM on the day that Amiel died he had wondered why after their family van had backed out of the driveway, Amiel asked the driver to stop and he got off, rushed to Pepe and gave him a tight hug. “It was unusual for him to do that. Now I understand why,” Pepe said, his voice breaking. “It was a day”, he narrated, “that began with the tight hug of a much beloved son and ended with him inside a coffin.” The lesson here, he says, is that when someone hugs you, makes sure you hug the person back and that yoiu do it well because you’ll never know if it will be your last.” He then shared with the crowd how, on the second day of the wake, a third grade student approached him and gave him an envelope, “I need to return this to you…” the young boy said. And when Pepe asked him what was inside, the boy told him that there was 111 pesos inside — Amiel had been giving him money to supplement his allowance because he lived all the way and had to travel from Cavite. Amiel, was truly selfless even at such a young age.

Pepe then spoke about his family and how he saluted his son Avie for his courgaeous act of pulling Amiel out of the wreck that tragic Tuesday morning. He thanked Yaya Tata for saving Avie and daughter Jana from harm and in the process putting herself in harm’s way instead. “Tata has been with us for 40 years, she was Melanie’s yaya and is a second mom to my children. We are forever grateful to her.”

Lastly, Pepe spoke to the community, asking them to be more protective of “the seeds in this community.” He asked them — “How can we regenerate, or even begin the process of regeneration if you are unable to protect the seeds that you have here.” “Magpakatotoo tayo,” he said solemnly, “How can regeneration happen if a child cannot even finish his sandwich…” and his voice trailed off.

He spoke to Amiel’s classmates from 4-Manobo– “Amiel will be your angel, but I am sure he will not haunt you,” he said in jest. “You will always be with us, every moment of every single day,” he finished as he threw a sad gaze at where Amiel lay.

The morning’s mass was ended with a beautiful release of blue and white balloons, an act that gave momentary joy as each member of Amiel’s class released a balloon withg a message attached to it. The balloons were emblazoned with “Fly high Amiel” - a line that holds special meaning to anyone who has ever spent time as a student at the Ateneo. The balloons were released by Amiel’s Grade 4 classmates and family members at the hearse slowly made its way to through the grade school driveway.

Fly high, Amiel. Fly heavenward, back to your real Home. As Avie Alcantara put it so beautifully, “In God we trust. In God, Amiel, we entrust.”

GMA-7 News came over yesterday to get my thoughts on Amiel’s passing. In this video also is my friend, Noemi Dado who founded The Compassionate Friends where we are co-founders as well.

Amiel’s story is one that has riveted every parent because his death shakes every parent’s heart to the core. Later today he will finally be laid to rest. The saddest part of the grief journey is when everyone has left, when the loved one has been buried (or cremated) and you return home and realize that your family is no longer complete. This is when the anguish, the longing and the sadness truly sets in. Now more than ever, the Alcantara’s will need our prayers. Let us all remember them as they begin the long road to healing and finding their “new normal” without Amiel.

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My heart is heavier now than it was earlier today when I started to piece together what had happenned to Amiel Alcantara, the Ateneo fourth grader who was hit by a CRV at the Ateneo de Manila grade school parking lot yesterday afternoon.

My husband and I have just returned from his wake and I am shocked, stunned and restless over the circumstances surrounding his death. The Alcantara’s actually almost lost three children, and not just one.

Amiel, his 65-year old Yaya Tata (who has been with the family for 40 plus years), his 7 year old sister, and 13 year old brother Javi, together with the driver, were already so close to their car when the CRV driven by Teresa Torres, careened from behind and hit Amiel. Yaya Tata was able to push the youngest one and the elder boy out of the way but was too far to get to Amiel. Yaya Tata had herself suffered injuries and fractures and is set to have surgery next week. The most heart-wrenching thing about the whole thing is that it was the Alcantara’s driver and 13 year old Javi who had to extricate Amiel from beneath the van. The impact was so strong that three other vehicles were damaged in the process before the vehicle finally came to a stop. How does a 13 year old young boy cope with the image of seeing his younger brother that way?

It was the driver who took Amiel to the New Era hospital and they were en route to the hospital in another Ateneo parent’s car when Amiel died in his arms. Amiel’s father, Pepe Alcantara, former chair of the UP Student Council in the 1980s, and his mother, Niann, were no longer able to see their youngest son alive. It is a tragedy of such great proportions.

The CRV that careened through the parking lot was around 25 meters away from where the kids were standing. Apparently, for some reasons that remain yet unclear, the driver had stepped heavily on the accelerator because a screeching sound, akin to those that you hear at drag races, was heard by several witnesses before the car sped and hit Amiel.

The saddest part is that according to reports, Mrs. Torres, herself a mother of a fourth grader at the Ateneo, has not offered any apologies to the Alcantara family and claims that it was all an accident. I really don’t know if being unapologetic is a legal strategy or a symptom of post-traumatic stress. Charges of homicide, reckless imprudence and several counts of perjury have supposedly been filed against Mrs. Torres who remains in custody at a Quezon City police station early today.

The Alcantara’s come from a large, closely-knit family and I was comforted to see many family members and friends at the wake this evening. I was seated beside Amiel’s youngest sister who though smiling, appeared a bit dazed. “Sana that car was not there…it just kept moving and moving and would not stop,” she told us when we asked her about the accident. My heart goes out to these children, I’m almost certain that this is a loss that they will carry with them forever. I only find comfort in knowing that Amiel is now happy and safe and whole with Jesus. I pray that justice will be served because Teresa Torres is a mother with a family too. May her family find courage and enlightenment. May God hold Amiel’s siblings and family members close, protect them, and may they all be filled with the Holy Spirit so that they may be guided at this very difficult time.

I dreaded watching the Oscars this year.

For weeks I had been pushing the event at the back of my head. Everyone at home knew it was a sensitive topic and avoided discussing it with me. But after church last night, the Oscar fever had gripped everyone at home and this morning my son woke me by yelling “Mom! It’s 30 minutes to the Oscars!” Bless his heart.

I grew up with the Oscars. The annual awards night was a must-see ever since I was eight years old. Watching it with my parents and rooting for our favorites made for many wonderful childhood memories. Growing up, after my dad died, it would be an annual thing that my mom and I would mark. Later on, I would watch it by myself, taking a leave either from classes (unless there was an exam) or from work (unless it was a matter of life and death) and I would sit glued on my chair for three hours, totally lost in the magic of the Oscars. One year, we were all holed up in hotel a few kilometers from where the Oscars were being held and just to be in the same vicinity was sheer joy for me.

For the last five years or so, I’ve had a running bet with a dear friend everytime Oscar season came. Being such movie people, we would both draw up our fearless forecast from the six major categories - Film, Director, Lead and Supporting Actor and Actress. On the eve of the Oscars, we would email each other and whoever wins would get a DVD of choice and gets treated to lunch the following month. It was something I looked forward to with much anticipation.

There were no bets this year because I lost my friend. It was a loss that I grieved very deeply for over the last year and tried to understand. Such is the nature of the grieving process - you remember the loss at significant times, when rituals that were previosuly shared with the person cease to be. But we all move on, grudgingly sometimes, and the Oscars show goes on…

So there I sat this morning, sandwiched between the loves of my life - husband, daughter and son — alternately laughing, crying, applauding at what has to be the best Oscar awards show I have seen in 36 years. And once more I find myself thankful to God for bringing back my joy. I will be no hypocrite and say that I did not think of my friend, wondering who he was rooting for when the major awards were being called out. I thank God for Facebook. I must have updated my status a thousand times this morning. Where previously my friend and I would text each other as the winners were called, there I was updating my status every 15 minutes or so. We do what we do to cope

This year’s Oscars had the best of everything — fantastic production value, a dizzying array of talent and legends, an awesome list of nominees. It had every ingredient to make it one amazing Oscar night to remember. Ths year I guessed 4 out of 6 winners, not bad.

I knew the day was going to turn out all right when Hugh Jackman appeared on stage and started to sing. My jaw just dropped and I forgot all my grief God is good. HE wrapped me in the love of family and Facebook friends to get me through, and put the rockingly gorgeous Hugh to make my day

See you at the movies!

It’s been quite a busy and blessed week for me. God always likes to keep me busy in the days leading to Migi’s birthday.

Tomorrow he will be 15 in heaven. I like to think of him now as a young man, in a pin-striped, collared shirt (his favorite)probably surrounded by books and paintings of his beloved dinosaurs. It is a beautiful and peaceful image to hold on to.

On Tuesday this week, we launched “Heaven’s Butterfly” - a story that my daughter and I co-wrote that re-tells the story of what our life was like in the first year after Migi’s death. The book is the first of its kind as part of a new series - special topics for kids — that Anvil is launching beginning with this book. Our launch was held at the Ateneo de Manila University, hosted by the School of Humanities (where I teach my class on grief) as part of the Ateneo’s Sesquicentennial celebration. Both Panch Alcaraz and I are graduates of the Ateneo. P, my co-author, is an Atenean to-be come June 2009.

Wednesday found me talking to the members of the Philippine Ambulatory Pediatrics Association in Clark Field, Pampanga. My talk was in tandem with a pediatricians lecture on the rights of the dying child. Standing in a room filled with around 200 pediatricians was surreal for me. The journey to get to that day has taken 11 years of grief work. This February 21, we mark not only Migi’s 15th birthday but the 10th year of Migi’s Corner also. Today we continue to maintain 10 (from the original 14) corners all over the Philippines. The project has come full circle.

With the release of the book, I feel that the legacy Migi has left behind continues to evolve and now it is time to begin a new chapter. This new chapter has begun to unfold this week and I am humbled and awed at the manner by which things have begun to slowly fall into place. I promise to share them here with you as God affirms the plan He has set out for me and our family.

Today, I received a wonderful gift for the very first Migi’s Corner that we set up at the Philippine Heart Center 10 years ago. IBM Philippines is donating a play/work station where the children confined at PHC will be able to enjoy interactive games and lessons in the confines of Migi’s Corner as they heal from heart surgery. Migi’s Corner has now entered the digital age! Thank you to IBM and to the Heart Center for their support of Migi’s Corner throughout the years. The project will be turned over formally in about a month’s time.

As I reflect on all these events I am truly grateful and humbled by the grace and faithfulness of our Lord Jesus Christ. It’s been a difficult but yes, very blessed decade for Migi’s Corner, for myself and for our family. Now, as the ministry and the advocacy continues to evolve, I am just thankful to be able to continue to serve Him and so grateful for the short but meaningful life of my son. Truly, as Morrie Schwartz said, “Death ends a life, not a relationship.” We continue to honor his memory and love him even if he has long been gone from us. God’s ways are always wonderful and wise, even if often we cannot understand His ways, we can find the confidence in ALWAYS trusting His heart.

Today marked a milestone in our family’s history as we launched “Heaven’s Butterfly” which was published by Anvil and written by my daughter P and yours truly. The book talks about the story of our life in the first year after Migi died. It specifically describes P’s journey from a place of sadness to a place of hope.

P was only seven when he died in 1998. Loss is a reality for children even at a very tender age. A child experiences grief in a cyclical manner. Meaning, the re-experience or re-visit the loss every time they pass through a developmental stage.

It was a book, as one wise professor put it, put together out of love and brought to life by the wonderful and vivid illustrations of the very talented Panch Alcaraz. “Heaven’s Butterfly” is the first in a series of titles that Anvil has called special topics — stories that tackle issues that are not normally discussed with children but real for them nevertheless.

In my short message this afternoon at the Ateneo where the book launch was held, I said — “Heaven’s Butterfly” was a difficult story to write in the sense that we had to dig up and unearth many emotions from years ago. It is never easy to dredge up the past, more so if the memories are painful. However, it was also liberating because in doing so, we were remembering Migi and all the wonderful memories we had of him during those four, beautiful years that he was lent to us. By sharing part of our journey, we hope to be able to reach out to many more children who have lost loved ones - be it a parent, a friend, a grandparent, or a sibling — all pain is the same. Whenever we lose someone we love, we are forever changed by the experience.

We hope that parents and teachers who read this book will come to realize that grief and loss, when it takes place, cannot just be swept under the rug. Losing someone is a real occurrence in a child’s world and we must allow that child to grieve. As adults and caregivers, we must do everything in our power to help them navigate that journey from sadness to hope.

The book’s release is particularly significant as it takes place on the 10th anniversary of Migi’s Corner and comes so close to his 15th birthday on Sunday. I now have a young man in heaven. This timing of events is an affirmation from above that Migi continues to live on and that we are fulfilling the mission that has been given to us in the wake of his passing. We hope that you will enjoy the book and pass on its message to those who need it the most.

“Heaven’s Butterfly” will be available at Powerbooks and National Bookstore starting February 23, 2009.