In the United States of America, the jury is still out on whether or not spanking should form a part of the disciplinary process. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) in its policy statement is not so much for it, but the American College of Pediatricians, a newly-formed (2002) more conservative break-away group from the AAP is in favor of it under certain parameters. Admittedly, this is a difficult article to write – having been subjected to spanking as a child, and yet never having spanked , well, okay, maybe a light swat here and there when they were toddlers, and yes, an occasional threat — any of my children, perhaps as a reaction to the spanking I received as a child.

Having read both policy statements – that of the AAPs and ACPs and interviewed three doctors, one of them an esteemed child psychologist, I realize and appreciate that different disciplinary methods are to be applied depending upon the child’s temperament and the circumstances surrounding the undesirable behavior that merited the sanction in the first place.

Dr. Cynthia Cuayo Juico, chair of the Philippine Pediatrics Society’s School Health Committee says that in order to avoid spanking, children need to be trained really early in life what the desired behaviors are. Admittedly, she says, it cannot be entirely avoided especially when the child is very young, cannot yet comprehend the consequences of her action, and the undesirable behavior places the young child in danger. Some instances will require an immediate response, and a light “swat” is sometimes necessary but the parent has to comfort the child afterwards and explain why the action was done. “The important thing is that you communicate to the child clearly and consistently what the rule is exactly and why you had to do what you did – be it a spanking, a withdrawal of privileges etc…” she says. This can be difficult with younger children. Spanking, if it needs to be used, must only be employed on children above 18 months of age and only until the age of seven. “After that age, you must make every effort to explain or use other means of dicipline to get your child to toe the line, so to speak.”

Child and family psychologist Dr. Honey Carandang believes that to avoid incidents of spanking, every parent must practice the 4C’s of discipline – Conviction, Clarity, Consistency and Consequence. Carandang says that rules need to be imposed in a positive and clear way that the child will understand. “Parents also need to be consistent with the rules they impose because the child needs to be reminded on a regular basis, and when the rules are broken, they have to be consistent with the discipline as well.” The fourth C – consequence – comes into play, once the rule is not followed. “It is best not to administer any punishments while in a state of anger. Often, when a parent spanks unsreasonably, it comes from a place where they need to release a negative emotion, usually frustration.”

Another important point that Carandang stresses is the element of respect. She cites a Mc Cann Ericsson Study where several hundreds of Filipino children and adolescents were asked if it was okay that they their parents got mad at them. The unanimous reply was that they were fine with being scolded at as long as it was done out of respect.

In an informal survey I conducted among 30 parents ranging in ages from 35-45, only 20% of them admitted to having spanked/swatted their children, maybe twice or thrice by the age of seven. The rest had decided that they would use other forms of discipline – witholding privileges, time-out (for the younger ones), or keeping them grounded. “Talking works better with my kids and it actually takes a lot our of a parent, more than spanking ever will,” one parent said.

Majority of these parents, 85% of them had grown up (like myself) feeling the brunt of their parents slipper or belt. The memory was not at all pleasant and these same parents have refrained from spanking their children at all. Spanking was often only merited when the siblings in one family were in the middle of a fre-for-all, usually among several boys in one family. In a few instances, they only spanked as a court of last resort when all previous admonitions had been disregarded, or there was willfull disobedience on the part of the child.

Similarly, the American College of Pediatricians cites several guidelines for parental use of disciplinary spanking, among them :

1. Spanking should be used selectively for clear, deliberate misbehavior, particularly that which arises from a child’s persistent defiance of a parent’s instruction. It shouldbe used only when the child receives at least as much encouragement and praise for good behavior as correction for problem behavior.
2. Milder forms of discipline, such as verbal correction, logical and natural consequences, and time-out should be used initially, followed by spanking when non-compliance persists.
3. Spanking should not be administered on impulse or when a parent is out of control. NEVER SPANK IN ANGER.
4. Spanking is usually not necessary until after 18 months and less necessary after 6 years and rarely if ever, used after 10 years of age.
5. The child should be forewarned of the spanking (in my experience, this is usually enough to get them to comply) for designated problem behaviors and should always be administered in private to avoid embarrasment. After the spanking, a parent must re-connect in a warm manner and explain and review the offense as to why she/he was sanctioned as such.

The process of discipline by using other means, has to be thoroughly exhausted before a parent should even think about spanking one’s child. If the child still does not comply, then the parent would be better off seeking professional help both for himself/herself and the child having the behavioral problem. Spanking should never escalate and must never injure a child phsyically (eg. leaving him or her black and blue or with welts on any part of the body). “I don’t remember the lesson,” one parent-respondent told me as she recalled the memory of a particularly bad spanking she received as a child, “all I can recall is the black and blue mark and the rage my father had as he whacked my thigh.” This same mother has never spanked her children who are now all well-adjusted college students.

The American Academy of Pediatrics has reported that the more children are hit, the more anger they report as adults, the more they hit their own children when they are parents, the more likely they are to approve of hitting and to actually hit their spouses, and the greater their marital conflict.

Use spanking very sparingly IF you must, examine the circumstances behind the misbehavior, remember that discipline must be done with love because the objective is to correct the wrong and not release one’s frustration. Thus, if you are a parent with anger issues, please refrain from using spanking. Take a step back when you feel like you are about to lose it, look inward and settle your own “demons”, do not project them upon your hapless child.

Email the author at cathybabao@gmail.com

Promote Positive Behavior Through the Following:

• Maintainin a positive emotional tone in the home
through play and parental warmth and affection
for the child;
• Provide attention to the child to increase positive
behavior. Forolder children, attention includes being aware of
and interested in their school and other activities;
• Providing consistency in the form of regular times
and patterns for daily activities and interactions to
reduce resistance, convey respect for the child, and
make negative experiences less stressful;
• Be flexible, particularly with older children and
adolescents, through listening and negotiation to
reduce fewer episodes of child noncompliance
with parental expectations. Involving the child in
decision-making has been associated with longterm
enhancement in moral judgment.

(From the AAP guidelines on child discipline)

Photo from cartoonstock.com

This article appeared in the Philippine Daily Inquirer’s Lifestyle section on February 11, 2009