“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it…” The biblical proverb on childhood discipline applies not only to the manner by which we raise and discipline our children but also in the way that we inculcate in them life-long study habits.

Larcy Morales de Castro is a hands-on, full-time, mother of nine children. Yes, you read that right – nine. Her children’s ages range from 23 to five years old. If the proof is in the pudding, de Castro who is married to a heart surgeon, can proudly say that she has baked all nine pies, close to perfection. The nine de Castro children all excel in either academics, sports or music; some of them in all three. Three children in college have chosen to take the path of medicine, one of them in the prestigious Intarmed program at the U.P. ; one child has great talent in computer graphics and design; another is a soccer star; one child is a gifted musical wizard and the four youngest girls do exceptionally well in the elementary and pre-school levels.

De Castro says that she started going fully hands-on with homework beginning with child number six. “In the beginning, the babies came one after another and so it was really difficult for me to tutor them all at the same time,” she recalls. The two eldest boys were sent to tutorial centers for the early years, but the two older girls were personally taught by their mother until the second grade. “After that, they were on their own,” de Castro relates. She explains that as they were growing up, she saw a big difference in the learning process of those who went to the tutorial centers versus those she chose to teach at home. “When you sit down and spend time with them, you are able to see up close what is that they really need and whether they are able to understand the lessons. You can also adjust your methods to the skills and capabilities of each child,” she explains. De Castro stresses that she doesn’t spoon-feed the kids and allows them to learn on their own, explore and develop at their own pace. She emphasizes that study time should be fun and relaxing so that the kids will look forward to it. She also adds that parents must invest in the early years, ideally up to the second grade, and after that they can slowly let go.

The sentiment is echoed by Joyce Santos, an engineer by training and profession, who opted to quit her full-time job once she started having children. Nowadays, her afternoons are fully devoted to sons Enzo, 13 and Theo, 8. Santos has been able to put her engineering skills to use when she sits down to do homework with Theo whose method of learning is highly visual. The engineer-mom, creatively, and painstakingly draws each and every lesson for him because she knows that this is the best way for him to learn. She structures his lessons in such a manner where the skills she learned in college by graphing and tabulating some of the more complicated subject matters. “It’s the younger one now that I need to supervise because the oloder one already knows how to study on his own so I don’t have to worry about him.” The two boys though, study together with mom. “Role-modelling is also very important,” Santos says.

Cardiologist Peachy Agunod Cheng, is another firm believer in starting good study skills early. Eldest son, Adriel, 14 is a consistent Dean’s lister at the Philippine Science High School which was also his mother’s high school alma mater. Cheng says that in the early years, a parent should try to encourage a love for reading and math, as well as good study habits.
“ I would sit beside him and make him try to do the homework by himself. When I see he has not yet fully understood the concept or the lesson to be able to do the homework with ease, I teach him step by step and give him practice exercises, then still make him do the homework by himself. Then we check it together, then I explain the mistakes.”

Like De Castro, Cheng believes that children need to be rested and relaxed before they start studying. “Let them take merienda and allow them to rest a little before they plough into their studies,” she says. In the Cheng home, TV is restricted to 30minutes on weekdays and only when all the school work is finished. Cheng explains that the study routine needs to be set early in life – “When the daily routine gets followed, the child will take it for granted that studying/ doing homework is something he should do - like eating, playing and sleeping. There won’t be a need to “force” the child anymore to begin homework.”

All three moms believe that incentives are a good thing as well – whether is is additional TV time, or some other fun activities, rewards can be a good thing when used discreetly and judiciously. Below are some tips to help parents make homework time less stress-free…

1. Santos says that a photocopier at home would be a very good investment. “Nowadays, there are 4 in-1 printers that can do all ythe work,” she says. If it is within the family budget, get one to save on time andf money by not having to photocopy worksheets outside or hand-write each and every exercise down.

2. Home-school collaboration is also key to the learning process and de Castro says it helps to keep in touch with the teacher and school to be fully aware of what is being taught in school, the homework given, and future projects to be submitted. De Castro is grateful that the PAREF school system strongly emphasizes and supports the value of home-school collaboration. “Make sure you have the telephone numbers of your co-parents and your child’s teacher, on-hand.”Keep in close contact with co-parents and class parent officers to get updates with homework and exams and form your own support system.

3. Cheng emphasizes on ensuring that the child has rested and taken merienda before he does his homework. A sentiment strongly echoed by Santos and de Castro who add that homework time should not be too close to bedtime either because children do not think and work efficiently when they are sleepy. Cheng says an hour’s break for merienda, to freshen up and laze around is sufficient. “Give them a 15-break also in between lessons or subjects, “ she suggests. Santos makes her boys go to the bathroom before she sits them down, “That way, they are already done with their business and they can focus on the work on hand.”

4. Have a good study area, with good ventilation and lighting, that is set up away from the TV and from other distractions. De Castro says that some children are inspired when there is light classical music playing in the background. “Find out what enhances your child’s learning, or what enhances their concentration and support them by playing that kind of music at home.” Santos has her son’s desk face an area where there are no distractions. ‘When he’s done with his work, he goes plays with his Lego toys.”

5. Buy textbooks in the same grade-vel as your child that are used by other good schools. At the start of the schoolyear, Santos purchased books used at the Ateneo and La Salle and she uses the worksheets there during homework time. “Sometimes the hard part is in thinking of questions or exercises for the kids to answer. The task is made easier by using those in other textbooks. It’s the same lesson anyway, but the exercises are different so this technique will save you some time and effort as well.” Santos uses a lot of visual aids that she draws herself (she’s an engineer after all!) and says that with children whose learning process is of the visual type, this mathod of teaching is most helpful. “You must know your child’s learning style and adjust your teaching method to it.”

6. De Castro buys school supplies and art materials ahead of time so that she doesn’t get harrassed when they are needed. “I buy magazines from places like Booksale – titles like National Geographic and airline magazines are a staple because they have very good photos that can be used for projects.” When they have good quality materials, they are more eager to work on the project and they are very proud of their work afterwards.

7. Cheng plays a game with her younger daughter to help her focus and concentrate on the work. “She likes princesses and fairy tales and I draw a girl, a castle, a ball gown and a tiara, and connect these wth dashed lines. Then I tell her, the princess is relying on her to help her find her tiara and gown, and go to the castle. If my daughter is good with her lessons, the princess will be in time for her ball. Each correct answer connects two dashes together, until the line is completed leading to the castle. Before you know it, the homework is done.” This is a good technique to use with children below the age of six as it holds their attention.

8. For math, teach the concept first. Like for addition and subtraction, have marbles or objects ready for counting when you add/ take away from, then show how many you have finally. When the concept is grasped, you can then teach the shortcuts, maybe even memorize certain answers. De Castro says that she has found flashcards to be very helpful too.

9. It is important for moms to know when to take a break. De Castro says that when she starts to feel tired she calls a time-out. “Usually 20 minutes is sufficient. If you feel you’re about to get cranky, stand up, stretch and give all of yourselves a break.”

At the end of the day, homework time and learning has to be a fun exercise for both the parent and child. “A child is a child and not a learning machine,” Cheng says. “Children will need their playtime, and a lot of love from their family. A happy child will always be capable of learning more. With a loving family, good study habits, and an inquisitive mind, the possibilities for any child will be endless,” she closes.

Dearest Pea,

I write this in the quiet of an early Tuesday morning while the house is still rest of you lie in deep slumber. All around me as I tap away on the laptop, are various photographs of you through the years.

I cannot believe how time has flown so quickly! It’s as if I had just turned around and the 18 years have gone by. I can fully relate to that scene in
”Father of the Bride” where Steve Martin looks at his daughter, all grown up but instead sees her as a precocious five year old. To this day I remember the early mornings when you would not let us sleep until the sun would peep over the horizon because you were such a colicky baby! Those times when I would pick you up from school and we would hie off to the bookstore and spend hours and hours just reading…And tomorrow, you turn eighteen..

As a parent, you have moments of self-doubt, and ask yourself if you have done right by your children. It is a question that nags at you every now and then. Some of those apprehensions were answered the other night as you crawled underneath the covers and lay beside me just like you used to when you were a little girl. As we reminisced your your colorful, and sometimes wacky childhood, my heart was filled with peace. You cannot begin to understand what a relief it was for me to know that you have so many warm, happy and fuzzy memories over the last 18 years to take with you wherever you go. I am grateful that we had a lot of time to spend together during those crucial and formative growing up years. Years that we can never bring back. My heart overflows with contentment in knowing that we have given you a treasure trove full of precious memories.

Yesterday, someone asked me if I also had the experience of having to go through the turbulent teens with you. I couldn’t quite understand the question at first, and she explained it by saying that one of her friends had told her that the teen-age years were perhaps purposefully created to be turbulent so that when the time comes for the parent to let go, it will be easier to do so. Hmmmm. I told her, that just wasn’t the case with us. She paused for a moment and said that I was one blessed mama. Right then and there thanked the Lord for being with us all those years, for filling you with His grace, and the wisdom of the Holy Spirit, for never giving us any grief at all during your teen-age years!

I cannot begin to thank the Lord enough for blessing us with such a wonderful, sensitive and responsible daughter. You, and your brothers, have been our greatest blessings. The last few weeks have been pretty “emo” for me, realizing that you are now almost 18, soon to enter college and how in maybe a decade or so, you will start building a life of your own. One morning in the car, after Leo and I had dropped you off at school, tears started to trickle as it dawned on me how this would be the last few months when you and he would be riding together in the car in the mornings. After 14 years of driving through the same route, with the same passengers… Then again, it could have been my hormones too.

Letting go has always been very difficult for me, you know that. But by God’s grace I know in my heart that when the time comes for us to do so, fully, He will give us the strength that we need. For now, you have a whole new adventure ahead of you and I am really excited! Remember that we are always here to love and support you as go and pursue your dreams and life’s mission.

Thank you for being such a good daughter and a wonderful sister to your brothers. My heart overflows with pride and joy when I remember all the times that you have been there for the family. I hope you realize and value the importance of love, of home and of always being there for one another. We will have our “off” days and our misunderstandings but I pray and trust that when those days come, as they do, with God’s help, we will always find a way to mend, heal and forgive one another.

I am so proud of what you have become, how you have worked so hard to get to where you are. Now, more than ever, you will need to seek the Lord’s guidance as you embark on this new phase in your life. Consult the Lord and let him take the wheel, like that favorite song of yours goes. You will never go wrong when you allow Him to steer your course and be in His flow. Be it is in the area of work, family, or relationships – pray for guidance always so that it will be easy and you, and in doing so, spare yourself from major heartbreak. He has imbued you with an extraordinary mind, a generous heart, discernment and kindness – use these gifts well at all times to lift others up and to be of service to everyone around you.

God is faithful and I’d like to think that in His goodness and wisdom He has put in you the best that is of me and daddy. Use your talents wisely and never forget to bring the glory back to HIM, for apart from HIM we really are nothing. May you always remain grounded and constantly guard your heart. Remain humble and steadfast and sensible.

I love you very much and thank the Lord for the gift of you. You are not only my daughter, but now that you are grown, you have become the best friend of my heart as well. But like my mother before me, and any other mother for that matter, no matter how old you become, you will always be my child and I will be there for you no matter what.

Happy, Blessed Birthday!

Love, hugs and prayers always,

Mommy

It has been a most blessed week-end!

The ventilator and other essential supplies that Hannah badly needed finally arrived in Manila early last week. Yesterday, January 24, 2009 - Rapa Lopa, Menchu Sarmiento and myself, trooped to Las Pinas to deliver two balikbayan boxes containing the ventilator and other essential supplies, to Hannah, Carlo and Joan Cordoviz.

To say that the moment was golden would be an understatement. As we shared laughter, joy and tears (of gratefulness) we could not help but think of everyone who helped us get to this day.

Foremost in those thoughts was Tessa, in far-away Atlanta, Georgia who found the generous distributor who gave us a discount that was nothing short of a miracle. It was Tessa who also did her share of fund-raising, and coordinated the purchase, packing and shipping (with big help from Aileen Deogracias in L.A.) of the boxes that was flown here by Philippine Airlines.

Thank you to each and everyone of you who gave so generously last year so that we could get to this day. The Cordoviz couple gave Rapa and I specially made frames to remember this endeavor and this time in our lives. Receiving those specially crafted frames brought tears to our eyes. But it was seeing Hannah laugh, smile, clap and wave that was the true reward. We wish you could all have been there to witness that special moment.

Below are links to a video that Rapa created and an album that I put up on Multiply to help us remember this journey and inspire us all to continue to pay it forward.

http://rapalopa.multiply.com/video/item/25

http://cathybabao.multiply.com/photos/album/105/Meeting_Hannah_

Though rough times lie ahead for many, may this endeavor remind us all that with faith, hope and love, HE makes all things possible.

God bless and once again, thank you so much from the bottom of our hearts!

At each of the ten inaugural balls, the first couple danced to this beautiful song by Etta Jones. Oh how they look at each other… And when you listen to the lyrics…awwwww.

At Last Lyrics by Etta James

At last, my love has come along
My lonely days are over
And life is like a song
Oh, yeah, at last
The skies above are blue
My heart was wrapped up in clovers
The night I looked at you
I found a dream that I could speak to
A dream that I can call my own
I found a thrill to rest my cheek to
A thrill that I have never known
Oh, yeah when you smile, you smile
Oh, and then the spell was cast
And here we are in heaven
For you are mine
At last

Photo by Doug Mills for the New York Times

It’s stories like those of Meliton Garcia, the retired University of the Philippines janitor who received only 92 centavos for his retirement pay after 40 years of service that makes my day.

Nikko Dizon’s front-page story in today’s issue of the Philippine Daily Inquirer was based on an email account of Mike Rivera, a UP graduate whose future was made possible by the heroism of men like Mang Meliton. It was heartbreaking to read how the UP HR Department had been so insensitive of his request for an explanation of the 501 days of sick leave he had allegedly incurred over his 41 years of service at the U.P. Mang Meliton whose years of dedicated service to the university had earned him 12 commendation letters says that he had also written the Civil Service Commission to ask for assistance but got none from that agency either. So sad and frustrating!

When you think about it, it’s people like Mang Meliton who make the lives of students and teachers better on campus. And now, even as a retiree, Mang Meliton continues to tend his little herb garden on the UP Campus, sans compensation. What an inspiring story, a shining example of what has been written in the Bible — “Work as unto the Lord.” And perhaps, owing to space constraints, the PDI article failed to include the portion in the email that wrote about how Mang Meliton continues to help make ends meet. I reprint portions of Rivera’s email here…

A few weeks ago, a friend and UP Professor, Daki, told me that Mang Mel recently recorded an album which he sells to supplement his meager retirement pay, I asked another friend, Blaise, who’s taking his Master’s degree at UP to find out how we could contact Mang Mel…

Mang Mel is not asking for a dole out, though I know he will be thankful for any assistance you can give. So I ask those of you who also benefited from Mang Meliton’s goodness or for those who simply wish to share your blessings, please do visit Mang Mel and buy his CD (P350 only) at No. 16-A, Block 1, Pook Ricarte, U.P. Campus, Diliman, Quezon City (behind UP International House) or contact his daughter Kit V. Zamora at 0916-4058104.

In addition to getting his sick leaves finally properly accounted for, it would be wonderful if everyone whose lives Mang Meliton has touched - UP students, faculty members, his co-workers — would help him by supporting his musical pursuits in this, the twilight of his life.

Next to Karen and her lolo, this Mc Donald’s Philippines ad is such a heartbreaker.

The lead actor is actually the nephew of a very good friend of mine. I had spotted him at a party last November and immediately saw the star material. Little was I to know that two months later he would be in a major ad on Philippine television. Here’s to greater blessings in 2009, G!

Praise God!

Yes, we made it! P is now officially an incoming Freshman to the Ateneo de Manila University! I cannot begin to tell you what a relief it was for me, for her dad and of course for P, to see her name up there on the board. And she got into her first choice — B.S. Health Sciences. It looks like we are going to have a doctor in our future.

Thank God for HIS faithfulness, his love, provisions and HIS goodness all the time!
Thank you to her mentors, her tutors, who helped hone and prepare her for examination day. And thank you for the prayers of so many who lifted her up and brought her to this day.

The moment was bittersweet way because a lot of her other good friends did not make it. As one of her wise, good friends put it — “You are so happy for yourself but a part of you cries because you wish they were happy and jumping around too.”

The moment we saw her name on the list was simply, golden. We could not help but shed tears. Remembering all the troubles we have had, her health problems, the journey we have taken to get to this day. I also cried because I could not help but be awed and humbled by the promises of God. His faithfulness and constancy and how He has blessed us with this wonderful gift.

As we Ateneans like to put it — Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam — all for the greater glory of God. We are here today, solely because of His grace. All that we have, and all that will be, come from Him.

For my Multiply contacts, pictures of the big day to be uploaded tomorrow. Right now, I am just so happy but tired from the events of the last two days. Mama can finally exhale

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