“Joy,” Kay Warren once said, “is the unshakeable assurance that God is in control of all the details in my life. It is the quiet confidence, that ultimately everything will be alright; and the determined purpose, to praise God in all things.”

I had written those words in a blog entry, dated July 26, 2006. My life was in a very good place at that time I wrote that piece. I had just heard Kay Warren speak the day before and was most inspired by her teachings. Little was I to know that a month later, I would be hovering between life and death in emergency surgery due to an ectopic pregnancy. So much has happenned in my life since then.

We never know what life will bring us. I’ve seen this happen in my life so many times. Over and over again, the unexpected happens. However, the one true constant that has helped me get through the most difficult times is the love and faithfulness of our Lord Jesus Christ. He has never failed me.

I also like to believe that where we are now is always in preparation to where God will place us next. Over the last few days, I have seen His hand upon me so mightily. Steering the course of my life, opening doors and answering seemingly impossible prayers. These last few days have been so emotional for me but in a good way. I marvel at His goodness, I am in awe of His greatness — of how nothing is impossible for Him. And how when we are at our lowest and most heartbroken, He lifts us up and we are “whole” once more.

Today my life is in a good place but there is also great sadness in a way. And once again, I return to what Kaye Warren said about how life is like the railroad tracks and that joy and sorrow run parallel to each other. “in your life there are things that you can be both happy and sad about. The trick is in knowing that both come at the same time.” And that is where I am right now. And suddenly, all the places and spaces in my heart where I have been over the last 20 years come into play into a major way. Though one broke my heart, several others have embraced me wholeheartedly, shown great love and appreciation and it has all been worth it. Sometimes we do not understand why we have to go through such pain but eventually, God is gracious and gives us glimpses of why we had to go through what we went through. And we are blessed, terribly blessed. It all makes sense, somewhere on the journey, at some specific point in time. And we are able to find closure.

I thank Him for the many joys and at the same time I thank Him for the privilege of pain. Serving Him, doing unto him makes one subject to persecution and labelling to the point when your motives are questioned. Can I not give simply because I want to? Can I not just show my love because it comes naturally as an act of service and compassion? At the end of the day, I keep reminding myself that my life is in His hands. You can slay me with your words but they no longer sting because this is above you and me. I sleep soundly at night, and live with no regrets. I have the blessed assurance knowing that whatever may come, He will see me through. I stress not because I am confident that he will equip me with what I need for the road and the challenge that lies ahead. He will never fail me and because He is fully in charge of my life, I simply choose to remain in His flow.

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