We must be willing to get rid of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.The old skin has to be shed before the new one can come. - Joseph Cambell


It feels like I am in the springtime of my life.

Not just for me, but for many of my friends as well. I wish I could say the same for my country, but I guess that will have to wait.

Spring celebrates new life and renewal. Thus, it is no accident at all that Easter always happens in the springtime. I am reminded of the beautiful Monarch butterflies that I watched with awe from a distance when I visited Pacific Grove in California two years ago. These lovely orange and black-winged butterflies hibernate in this beautiful enclave by the Pacific Ocean from December to March. They travel around 2,000 miles from Mexico to congregate here and then leave in early March, bursting forth in all their winged-glory.

And so, like the Monarch butterfly, my “hibernation” over the past year has come to an end, and I find myself on the cusp of many changes which bring forth excitement and admittedly, moments of anxiety as well. This year, I will be spending Easter in a foreign land, and soon my heart will be in two places.

I know that there will be lessons learned as I enter this new phase in my life. For it to come at this point in my life’s journey is perhaps the biggest mid-life adventure yet to happen. More than ever now, I pray that the Lord will guide us and keep us every step of the way as we enter this new season. And I know that He will.

One friend of mine is leaving a job she has had for the last eight years to venture into unknown territory. Another soul sister is leaving the world of media to go into NGO work. Another one will become a first-time mother at 38 While another one has begun to question whether he wants to remain in his profession for the next 20 or so years. It is really a great season of change for many of us in the 40something years. The choices we make, the adventures we decide to embark on, the attitude we opt to take on, will all influence how we ride out and enjoy the next half of our lives.

A year ago, I decided to drop everything so that I could focus on family and take better care of myself. The last decade of my life has included among other things, the death of my son in 1998, turning 40 in 2004 (a year that was attended by great personal upheavals - emotionally, physically, spiritually), a major burn-out in 2005 and an ectopic pregnancy in 2006. Pretty hectic when you think about it. When 2007 came around I felt that I needed to really stop, just be and allow myself to be in God’s flow. I had, to a great degree, lost my joy and I was just so tired. Joseph Cambell once said, ““It is by going down into the abyss that we recover the treasures of life. Where you stumble, there lies your treasure.” So at the age of 42that is exactly what I did.

I once read somewhere that the years divisible by seven are crucial years in a person’s life. I really don’t believe this stuff but when I look back and count, I sometimes wonder. I graduated college at 21, lost my second child in the year I turned 35 and made life-changing breakthroughs in the year I hit 42. Perhaps there is some truth there, somewhere.

My mentor once said that one needs to prune certain relationships and end certain commitments so that new people and new adventures can come in. “Make space in your life, so that new things will come,” she told me a year ago. And it has, in major ways. But I will be the first to tell you that it has been quite a bumpy ride. I believe that the only way I got through it was to just allow the Captain of my ship to lead, knowing that HE will only want what is best for me for HIS glory. Surely, I’ve made some wrong calls along the way, fallen of the ship occasionally but again and again HE always picks me up and sets me straight.

So in the springtime of my 43rd year, where change is once again the overriding theme of my life, I thank HIM and trust HIM fully to see me through the great adventure that lies ahead.

I will end this reflective musing with another quote from Joseph Campbell (who, in addition to the Bible, has taught me so much about what it means to be brave in midlife) but I would like to tweak it a bit in the sense that when he says “bliss”, I would like to think that it is the bliss that God puts in our hearts. And the only way that we can be attuned to HIS bliss for us is to tune in to HIM on a daily basis. I pray that you find the bliss that God has in store for you whether you are in midlife or quarterlife…

“Follow your bliss.

If you do follow your bliss, you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while waiting for you, and the life you ought to be living is the one you are living.

When you can see that, you begin to meet people who are in the field of your bliss, and they open the doors to you.

I say, follow your bliss and don’t be afraid, and doors will open where you didn’t know they were going to be. If you follow your bliss, doors will open for you that wouldn’t have opened for anyone else.”

I must have read and re-read “The Diary of Anne Frank” four or five times in this lifetime. There was always something about this brave, young girl’s life that held me captive. I first read her story when I was 10, just about the same age she was when her family began to live in the annexae that was to be their home for two years. I obviusly knew the way it would end, but still, Anne’s prose and the poignancy of her story never failed to make me weep.

So when I saw this Reuters report on how finally, they had found a face to match the name - Peter Schiff, Anne’s “one true love” my heart skipped a beat. And when I saw his picture, I could not help but smile. No wonder she was enamored by him. In her own words — “Peter was the ideal boy: tall, slim and good-looking, with a serious, quiet and intelligent face,” she wrote in her diary. Comparing her description to the photo, I had to marvel at her gift for words once more.

The photo was given to the Anne Frank Museum by Peter’s childhood friend, Ernst Michaelis who realized after rereading Anne’s diary recently there were no known pictures of Schiff. But in spite the separation by war, Anne had managed to keep a clear mental picture of her young love. “I don’t need a photograph, I can see him oh so well,” she said after dreaming of him, a year and half after she had last seen him. The recollections of a young love always manages to take your breath away

While browsing through my regular sites this morning, this headline on the New York Times immediately caught my attention — “Americans Change Faith at Rising Rate, Report Finds”. Hmmmm. Reading through the article, I could not help but think of my own faith journey.

I was born a Catholic, went to an exclusive girl’s school for my elementary and high school where Communion and Holy Mass was part and parcel of your daily life. I crossed the creek and moved over to a Jesuit University where I was soaked in spirituality and 12 units of Theology. Catholicism was a huge part of my life and to this day influences the manner by which I choose to worship.

Somewhere along the way, after leaving school, and when I entered the work world, I chose to surrender my life to Jesus Christ and joined what was then popularly more known as the “born-again” movement. After a few years, I backslid, went back to Catholicism, got married in a Catholic church then subsequently in Christian rites in Hongkong.

When we moved to Korea, we began going back to a Catholic church to worship, until we finally found a small Christian church inside the U.S Army base in Yong-san. When we finally returned to Manila and after I had my second child who was born with a congenital heart problem, we joined a local Christian church and we were there for many, many years.

In 2004, the year I turned 40, something inside of me radically changed and it was, what I would call my year of growth, in many different aspects. I continued to be a part of the Christian evangelical church but decided, in that year, to move to a different church, the one which I now call home. I’ve been with this church for the last four years and by God’s grace, I am praying and hoping to grow old here. This present church is more conservative than my previous one but the manner of worship here is one that has drawn me closer in my walk with Him. In this church, I feel that I belong and I am able to develop a closer, more personal relationship with Jesus Christ. The article says, “While the unaffiliated have been growing, Protestantism has been declining, the survey found. In the 1970s, Protestants accounted for about two-thirds of the population. The Pew survey found they now make up about 51 percent. Evangelical Christians account for a slim majority of Protestants, and those who leave one evangelical denomination usually move to another, rather than to mainline churches.” I believe this is what happened to me a few years back.

It goes on to say that, “The trend is toward more personal religion, and evangelicals offer that,” said Mr. Prothero, chairman of the religion department at Boston University, who explained that evangelical churches tailor many of their activities for youth. “Those losing out are offering impersonal religion and those winning are offering a smaller scale: mega-churches succeed not because they are mega but because they have smaller ministries inside.”

And this is what part of what my church life has been about. For the last few years, my husband and I have been quite active in a bereavement ministry called Griefshare where we minister to those who have lost loved ones through death. Borne out of our own experience of losing our 4-year old son in 1998.

Yes, it’s been quite a faith journey for me as I am sure it has been for others. My closest friends remain to be staunch members of the Catholic faith but I also now, have treasured friends who share the work and the beliefs that I try to live my life by. Whether Catholic, Protestant, Baptist, or what have you, tghe more important thing is that you develop a close personal, relationship with our Lord Jesus Christ.

Yes, I’ve done many crazy things in the past, and to quote, Jun Lozada, the man of the hour, “there are some things I am not proud of”. But I know that God in His graciousness and love has forgiven me. The cross is the only proof I need that no matter how many times I have fallen, His grace will always be sufficient for me because His strength is made perfect in my weakness. As you grow and change, so does your walk with Him. That’s what my faith life is all about.

This is another reason why I love my oatmeal.

A Reuters report published today said, “In a study of obese adults at risk of heart disease, researchers found that those who trimmed calories and increased their whole-grain intake shed more belly fat and lowered their blood levels of C- reactive protein or CRP.

CRP is a marker of chronic, low-level inflammation in the blood vessels, and both abdominal fat and CRP, in excess, are linked to heart attack and stroke.”

Because I have a history of heart disease in my family — my father died of a heart attack under the age of 50, which automatically increases my risk to 50%, I’ve really become very conscious and careful of what I eat or drink over the last few years.

The report says, “This is the first clinical study to prove that a diet rich in whole grains can lead to weight loss and reduce the risk of several chronic diseases,” Dr. Penny Kris-Etherton, the senior researcher on the study, said in a statement.

She and her colleagues at Pennsylvania State University report the findings in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition.

In general, experts recommend eating whole grains — such as oatmeal, brown rice and barley — rather than refined grains, like white bread and other products made from white flour. Whole-grain foods retain more of the nutrients and fiber components of the grain.

Adjunct to this story is an Associated Press Report about how the risk of strokes in women triple at middle age. The reasons — “Women’s waistlines are nearly two inches bigger than they were a decade earlier, and that bulge corresponds with the increase in strokes, researchers said.

In addition, women’s average body mass index, a commonly used measure of obesity, rose from 27 in the earlier survey to 29. They also had higher blood sugar levels.

No other traditional risk factors like smoking, heart disease or diabetes changed enough between the two surveys to account for the increase in strokes.”

Of course one will argue that these are U.S. standards and hardly relevant in Asia, however, this is information that is good to know, especially at midlife when the warranties run out and we need to take better care of ourselves.

Again, the AP story points a finger on the dreaded “bilbil” or belly fat — Dr. Amytis Towfighi, a neurology specialist at the University of Southern California in Los Angeles, presented her paper at the International Stroke Conference in New Orlean. She stressed that belly fat stood out. Surveying 5,000 middle-aged people, the results revealed that “The portion of women with abdominal obesity rose from 47 percent in the earlier survey to 59 percent in the recent one. The change in men was smaller, and previous studies have shown that “abdominal obesity is a stronger risk factor for women than men,” she said.

Men traditionally have had a greater risk of stroke than women, and “women start catching up to men five or 10 years after menopause,” said Dr. Philip Gorelick, neurology chief at the University of Illinois in Chicago and chairman of the stroke conference.

The new research means “we need to redefine our textbooks about stroke in women,” because they may now be more at risk in middle age than men.

That’s more than enough reason for me to load up on oatmeal and brown rice starting now. This also goes without saying that one needs to up the exercise to at least thirty minutes three times a week and try to maintain happy and peaceful thoughts as much as possible. Negativity will always be part and parcel of life, it’s the manner by which we choose to deal with these thoughts that make the big difference. In fact, some studies have shown that the ability by which you handle stress often impacts your good cholesterol. The American Psychological Association suggests that individuals who are hostile and stressed may have lower HDL levels (good cholesterol)than those who have better coping skills.
In other words, nakakabilbil din ang kunsumisyon. Pass me the brown rice and a dose of happy thoughts please…

I look at these images and suddenly I cannot help but feel old

Sharon and Gabby married when I was in college. KC is the best thing that came out of that short-lived union.

Look at her now. How she has grown and evolved! These photos are courtesy of my friend Juan Sarte who did her make-up in all these photos which were shot by the super talented Marc Nicdao.

On the cover of ROGUE this month…

And on the cover of “Tatler”

This KC is so lovely.

I’m proud of my Katipunera heritage.

No, I did not descend from Andres Bonifacio and Gregoria De Jesus (the original Katipunera) but I came from a school that taught us, even from grade school what freedom and truth meant.

I was heartened by this sign that stood proudly in front of the school where I spent my elementary and high school years.

Meet Maria Katipunera my co-alumnus. Maryknoll noon, Miriam ngayon. Tunay na Pinay.

After the mass at La Salle Greenhills yesterday, tonight, the Jesuits across the creek from Miriam, are holding a Truth and Accountability Mass@Ateneo “TAMA NA” will be officiated by the acting Jesuit Provincial, Fr. Mario Francisco. Wear white. For once, the Eagles and the Archers unite for a cause. The mass will be followed by a candlelighting ceremony on Katipunan.

I was a Senior in college in 1986 — we were the EDSA ‘86 babies. These days, it sometimes feels like we’re back in college again.

Published in the Philippine Daily Inquirer, “Roots&Wings”, February 17, 2008
The headlines over the past few weeks have put many parents like me in a deep quandary about the state of this country. What does the future hold for our children as this mad circus takes place? I choose to view this whole chain of events as an opportunity to teach my child about the importance of seeing what is real and of how I can raise them to become truth-tellers.

I remember as a child, there would be only one instance that would merit spanking from my father – if I would tell a lie. Lying, in any form was tantamount to receiving corporal punishment in our household. Looking back, and seeing where we are now, I am glad that my dad was very harsh when it came to telling the truth.

I spoke with noted family psychologist Dr. Honey Carandang about what we as parents can do in helping our children understand the current muddled state of the nation and what we can do in practical ways to ensure that our children grow up to become truth-tellers. Back in 2004, Dr. Carandang had delivered a speech to the Phi Kappa Phi Honor Society at the University of the Philippines on the subject of truth-telling and national healing. In speaking to the esteemed audience she said, “It takes a high level of intellectual ability to do truth manipulations and clever deception. This subtle insidious process of truth distortion needs constant awareness because even the most honorable can be caught off guard & unaware and then it is too late.”

I recall how in that particular lecture, Dr. Carandang quoted from Nobel laureate Aung San Suu Kyi who referred to Vaclav Havel in saying that, “The intellectual should constantly disturb, should bear witness to the misery of the world, should be provocative by being independent, should rebel against all hidden & open pressures & manipulation. This role is very important for we are the ones who will bare the truth, open people to new ideas & push them along new heights?”

As parents, we have the responsibility to steer our children in the right direction. Dr. Carandang says that nowadays the youth is in desperate need of role models that they can emulate and learn from and this is where parenting plays a pivotal role. “You cannot raise a truth-teller, if you are not one yourself,” she stresses. She then shared with me what Aung San Suu Kyi said when asked how she developed such a great love for truth. She said that her mother had always placed a high premium on honesty. “She did not always explain but she made it very clear that honesty was good and dishonesty was wrong. It was something I accepted at a very early age. My mother was naturally honest. That was really good for me because it gives me confidence that other people too can work to have such quality.”
Dr. Carandang stresses that it was by role-modeling and not didactic teaching that Aung San Suu Kyi became a truth-teller. “She lived and breathed it, all her life.” However, she adds that we, Filipinos, because of our history, have been traumatized and re-traumatized. “From colonization, to Martial law… Just when we feel that we are about to recover, once again, we find ourselves again betrayed and then a sense of powerlessness overcomes us.” Carandang cites a 2005 column by Dr. Randy David where he compares the state of our country to the dilemma that a wife faces when she discovers that her own husband has raped his daughter. “To ask him to go away because of the unspeakable betrayal is to expose the family to economic insecurity & ruin from which the family members cannot recover. This is how countless families end up staying silent . . . under the situation or regime of mendacity, abuse, and pretense. They abhor this person in their midst but they fear the unknown even more. They invent all kinds of rationalizations to justify the arrangement. They hang on to the hope that someday he may reform. It’s a no-win situation for the mother. Only the thought of her child’s future makes her break her silence. When one is dealing with the pathology of the family or that of a nation, therapy must begin with the recognition that there is a problem.”

Thus, Dr. Carandang says, there are four essential keys parents must remember in order to raise children who will become truth-tellers. First, a parent needs to validate his/her child’s truth. For example, when a child comes home saying that his teacher has unnecessarily yelled at him, don’t just say that “Well, that’s your teacher; you have to just take it.” As a parent, you need to probe and affirm what happened. If indeed the teacher was wrong in doing so, you can say, “Yes, okay, I understand, you have the right to feel angry too.” Do not just set aside your child’s feelings because it will erode his/her self-worth.

Second, don’t be impulsive. The reason many children lie is because they are fearful. Your child should be able to trust you, to know that you will accept the news and be non-judgmental. When your child brings home a report card that is not up to your standards, do not just lash out at him/her. Find out what happened and try to find solutions together. Third, when you catch your child lying, confront it and try to get the truth out. Don’t be in denial. Last, but most important of all, is that you must be a truth-teller yourself. Carandang says that children always watch and learn so parents need to be vigilant about their behavior because children pick-up signals so quickly and take these as gospel truth. Thus, if there are issues within your family, confront them, no matter how painful. It is only by accepting them that you are able to move on and remain true to yourselves.
In light of what is happening in our country, she emphasizes that as parents, we must inculcate in our children, the values of truth and inner strength for it is the only means by which we can achieve hope and get out of our predicament. Once more she refers to Aung San Su Kyi who defined truth and inner strength as “a spiritual steadiness that comes from the belief that what you are doing is right even if it doesn’t bring you immediate concrete benefits. It’s the fact that you are doing something that helps shore up your spiritual power. It is very powerful.”

If you’re looking for an entertaining film to catch this week-end, let “The Spiderwick Chronicles” be it.

Breaking tradition, we decided to spend Valentine as a family and trooped to the movies to catch L’s current “obessesion” if you can call it that — “The Spiderwick Chronicles”. I thought that I would doze off after the first 15 minutes but hey, I sat up and was fully into it after the first five minutes! I haven’t had as much FUN watching a child’s film and enjoyed this one so much more than the Harry Potter series. Adults and children will appreciate the film on many levels. I liked the theme where good triumphs over evil but I also liked the allusions to heaven. The movie is also a visual delight.

Go and see it to fully appreciate the magic and wonder of this well-crafted film. You will be a child again, albeit momentarily. P and I were so involved in it that we wondered out loud if we could take Thimbletack home