I’m trying to finish Gordon Mc Donald’s “A Resilient Life” before writing up my 2008 Wishlist which is already way overdue as it is.

What an insightful book for the journey! Let me share with you parts of the chapter on Resilient People Foresee The Great Questions… Reading through the various stages reminded me of the questions I would ask a younger self and the steps I needed to take to find the answers to those questions. Naturally, the part where he talks about the 40s continues to resonate with me in a MAJOR way now that I am in that life stage…

“This is the pathway to resilience: knowing what’s up ahead, what we are likely to face, where the possibilities and the obstacles lie… So I began my pursuit of the great questions that fill in the blanks of so many big pictures.

The twenties are a time when one asks, What will I do with my life? What is it that I really want in exchange for my life’s labors? Most denied that the key desire of life was for material wealth; the preference was for work that offered significance, a feeling of making a difference. Teaching, counseling, and work in the nonprofit sector were important possibilities. Of course a bundle of folk said they were quite happy just to land a job — any passable job — that provides the income base for a reasonably secure life and some fun.

Twentysomethings are beoming aware that they can no longer get away with irresponsible or unsocial behavior. Life patterns, habots, and personality quirks need adjustment if one is to get along. So the question, what parts of me and my life need correction? arises.

It is also not surprising that people in their twenties wrestle with the so-called lordship question: Around what person or conviction will I organize my life? Perhaps this is the mother of all questions (for every age, actually), but it reaches a point of great significance as one comes to the realization that the game of lifeis no longer the amateur game of the teen years. Now it is a serious matter with increasing consequences, and one must identify an organizing principle that will bring the pieces of life into order.”

Since there is usually an expansion of responsibility and no expansion of time, thirtysomethings find themselves asking the question, how do I prioritize the demands being made on my life? There are spouses to love and know more intimately, children who need endless amounts of attention, and jobs/careers that absorb energy. Homes must be maintained, bills paid, obligations to organizations met. Suddenly one must budget the yeses and the noes of life, and these decisions are not simply or easily made.

The career options of a person’s life may have seemed clearer and simpler in the twenties. But now, in the thirties, one can begin to see that there are winners and losers, as well as also-rans (those who simply finish unnoticed in the middle of the pack). And the question forms: How far can I go in fulfilling my sense of purpose?

Because thirtysomethings are so busy getting life’s routines established, there is little growing realization that one’s primary community is changing. The friends of youth (and even the twenties) have split, many moved to other parts of the world). And another question arises : Who are the people with whom I know I walk through life?

For many men, the thirties are the beginning if the onset of male loneliness. New male friendships are not easily made nor do they often measure up to the kind of friendships one used to enjoy. Old friends have drifted away; often new acquaintances simply do not have the time to build the satisfying relationships that were part of the younger years.

Spiritual life changes for people in their thirties. The spiritual questions no longer center on the ideals of youth but on the realization of a life that is tough and unforgiving. Now, life’s requirements offer little time for contemplation and spiritual revitalization. Most thirty-somethings who seek a spiritual component to life will tell you that words like empty, tired, confused, and drifting mingle in their thoughts in a way they never expected. Thus these questions materialize : What does my spiritual life look like? Do I even have time for one?
It’s a quiet, nagging question that comes in moments when one feels that one has failed. Thirtysomethings are likely to see things in themselves they thought they might have overcome now, simply by growing up. But things they once anticipated they would shake off haven’t gone away. And thirtysomethings find themselves asking, why am I not a better person?”

Tomorrow, more on the 40s and the 50s…