Friends lost, friends found…

When a friend sang this to me (yes, you read that right…) over salad and pizza in an empty cafe, I was struck by the lyrics. Like a scene straight out of a Star Cinema movie, I sat there, listening in awe with my mouth half-open. When I think about it now, I wonder — “What must have the food servers been thinking?”
I had heard it sung before but I guess you must go through certain things before you can fully appreciate its meaning. There goes another precious “aha” moment.

For anyone who has ever lost a friend, male or female, you will relate to this one.

This is for you. You know who you are. Thank you for everything

(Glinda): I’ve heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don’t know if I believe that’s true
But I know I’m who I am today
Because I knew you…

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

(Elphaba): It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You’ll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine

By being my friend…

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood

Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better?
But because I knew you

(Glinda): Because I knew you
(Both): I have been changed for good

(Elphaba): And just to clear the air I ask forgiveness
For the things I’ve done you blame me for

(Glinda): But then, I guess we know
There’s blame to share
(Both): And none of it seems to matter anymore

(Glinda): Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
(Elphaba): Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a bird in the wood

(Both): Who can say if I’ve been Changed for the better?
I do believe I have been Changed for the better

(Glinda): And because I knew you…
(Elphaba): Because I knew you…
(Both): Because I knew you… I have been changed for good…

Hope is a truly powerful thing.So powerful that it helped propel Barack Obama into the White House. He’s been on my mind this last week for pretty obvious reasons. On Wednesday, around noon, as I listened to him deliver his acceptance speech at Grant Park, I was teary-eyed. And then the rest of the day I thought – what was it about him that has attracted, moved and inspired many other 40somethings like me to follow his campaign so closely and root for him from far away? I suppose a lot of us look to him because for once, here is a man who speaks from his heart and the depths of his soul. Someone who can really connect with what this generation needs.  “Yes we can!”  He makes all things seem possible.How does one grow up to become a Barack Obama? From stories and reports we find one very strong influence –  that of his unconventional and free-spirited but extraordinary mother who loved him unconditionally. Barack, who was raised by a single parent and a loving and supportive set of grandparents, story gives hope to many parents who raise children on their own. Obama has often been quoted as saying this about his mother Stanley  – “I know that she was the kindest, most generous spirit I have ever known, and that what is best in me, I owe to her.”  It’s never been easy to single parent, one would imagine, more so in the 1960s but Ann Dunham seems to have done quite an exceptional job with her only son, and his phenomenal rise over the last few years could still be attributed in part, I believe, to the roots that she had firmly planted when he was younger. In his book “Obama From Promise to Power”, Chicago Tribune writer David Mendell who had followed Obama’s career very closely for the last five years, says that Obama described his mother’s parenting style as one that was very warm and to a certain degree, hands-on  – “ You know, she was one of these parents, who, you know, was the opposite of remote, was always very present and would be your biggest cheerleader and your best friend and had sort of complete confidence in the fact that you were special in some fashion. And so as a consequence, there was no shortage of self-esteem.” To love unconditionally, even though unconventionally, for a parent to make a child feel that he is capable of anything he sets his heart and mind to, and to expose him to a sense of fairness and equality and a belief in the innate goodness of man, definitely has far reaching consequences even though that parent has long been gone. Obama has repeatedly said that it was his mother’s extreme idealism  — her continued ability to see the good in people — was the quality that he most admired in her. Perhaps, it is also this very trait that many people (jaded ones included) now find attractive in him—the overriding message of many of his speeches – “of how all of us are bound together as one, and that if we are to prosper as a country, and indeed, as a species, we must focus on the good we see in others .” Meanwhile, his rock and the love of his life, Michelle, has often been referred to as the one who keeps it “real”for himself and for their two children – Sasha and Malia. In a recent Newsweek interview, I understood why. When asked by a reporter, how she would keep it real in the White House, she spoke of talking to Hilary Clinton whom she describes as “a wonderful resource” Michelle Obama, a bright and successful woman in her own right says , “Our hope is that we do some of what we’ve been doing for the last year and a half. That we really treat our family life as separate as you can, that we keep the girls’ lives very set apart from this whole experience.”  She also said, in all humility, that she would try as much as possible to talk to, and learn from Laura Bush, Rosalyn Carter and even Caroline Kennedy and Maria Shriver.  “I’m an information gatherer. I want to talk to, and get as many perspectives from people, Republicans and Democrats alike, because there are just so few families who have experienced this. If I can talk to all of them, I will.” Concerned about how the two girls would adjust in the White House, Michelle hopes that her mother would come along to Pennsylvania Avenue and live with them. A gesture that I found to be quite endearing and in a sense, very Pinoy.“The girls are going to need her, as part of their sense of stability. And what is true for my mom is that she does anything for us and her grandkids. All they have to do is look at her with sad eyes and she’s done for.”And clearly, though she is cognizant of the huge responsibility that lies ahead for her husband, she also very certain about the ways by which he wishes to see Barack involved in the lives of their children.”He has to continue to make them a priority even as he’s the leader of the free world. I think that’s an important thing for him to model for others. It’s this notion that if he can do it, then we all have to really fight for it.”  Positive role-modeling clearly runs deep in the Obama gene pool.

We’re almost there!

Thanks to everyone who has thrown in their generous support for Hannah’s Hundred It’s not too late to help us out. I continue to be amazed at God’s provisions and we are now only about 25% away from our target with two weeks to go. I know and trust that God will continue to provide for Hannah’s needs.

Hebrews 12 v 1 says —
” So let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us “

If you would still like to be a part of Hannah’s Hundred, and want to know how it works, you can read about it here. If you’d like to send in a pledge, please email me at Hannahshundred@gmail.com What better way to make Christmas even more meaningful than in knowing that you have done your part in helping give a little girl a better chance at life? Thank you very much and God bless!

Found this message from my TOWNS e-groups and its arival is so timely. Going through it, I realize I’ve got quite a few habits that I need to work on — like staying hydrated throughout the day. My personal tip for staying energized?

A 20 minute power nap whenever and wherever

TOP TEN EATING TIPS TO STAY ENERGIZED

by Monique Ryan, MS, RD

1. Start the day right. Yes, that means breakfast. Combine a whole grain with fruit, skim dairy, or soy milk, and even add some lean protein to the mix to sustain energy levels throughout the morning. Cooked oatmeal with yogurt and a banana or Lite Mueslix with soy milk and blueberries are good choices.

2. Have a mid-morning snack. Combine a protein and a carbohydrate. It is fine to be hungry mid-morning, so honor your hunger and give your body fuel when it is asking for it. Try yogurt witha peach, low fat string cheese with an apple, or cottage cheese and grapes.

3. Eat lunch on time. Don’t push back lunch until you are ravenous. Instead, eat your mid-day fuel right on time to keep your blood glucose levels nice and steady.

4. Boost your mental energy. Nature’s nutrition for the brain are omega-3fatty acids. Add light tuna or salmon to your lunchtime food choices, in addition to walnuts, tofu, and canola oil. Healthy fat keep you feeling full for a longer period of time, so add small amounts to meals and snacks. Some good choices include avocado and almonds.

5. Start the day with moderate caffeine levels and keep caffeine intake modest. While it does increase mental energy, too much caffeine may lead to energy highs and then lows, and it can interferes with quality sleep. 6. Limit processed foods high in sugar. Avoid the office candy jar, treats, and vending machine whenever possible. Processed foods do not provide sustained energy and can result in low-energy moments during the day.

7. Consume foods high in folate. Higher levels of blood folate have been associated with faster and better thought processing. Good sources include lentils, chickpeas, black beans, asparagus,broccoli, avocado, and orange juice. Also important are vitamins B6, found in bananas and spinach, and B12, found in lean proteins and skim dairy products.

8. Have an afternoon snack. If dinner is late or if you have an evening workout scheduled, fruits, vegetables, and low-fat yogurt provide energizing carbohydrate.

9. Consume complex carbohydrates that contain fiber. The fiber allows the carbohydrates to be released more slowly, providing sustained energy. Opt for whole grain bread, whole wheat pasta,brown rice, and whole grain cereals.

10. Stay hydrated. About two-thirds of our body is water, and dehydration can contribute to reduced energy levels. About 80% of the fluid we consume comes from the fluids we drink, and the other 20% comes from foods. Always drink when you are thirsty, and have water available during the day to hydrate regularly.

I knew loss as a very young girl when my father died of a heart attack when I was 16 years old. In 1981, an adolescent like myself could not make heads or tails of what the whole grief experience was all about. Drawing from my own personal experience and that of my child’s, a little over a year ago, I set out to write a children’s story with Pia as my subject. It was the story of how she coped in the first year after we lost Migi. Back in 1998, she was all of seven years old.

“Heaven’s Butterfly” is a story about how to help children deal with the loss of a loved one through death. Pia and I pray that the book will be able to help many other children and their parents who have experienced the death of a loved one. In the book is a small section on how parents and teachers can help children grieve well.

It’s not always easy to share your story with the world. It was very healing for the two of us to write this. When we saw the illustrations the first time, we really cried. In putting our grief into words, for Pia, especially, our lives have finally come full circle after ten years.

The illustrations were made by the very talented Panch Alcaraz whose amazing gift made our story come alive. Panch was able to capture the essence of Migi and Pia in the photographs, and how we were as a family 10 years ago. An interesting side note is that while working together, I discovered that Panch’s father, Pat, was my former boss at Philippine Airlines in the late 1980s. Again, it never ceases to amaze me how God brings people together for a purpose.

“Heaven’s Butterfly” was written to honor the memory of our little boy blue who taught us the meaning of love and selflessness. It was also written for all the other children who walk the delicate journey from healing to hope. Published by Anvil, it is due for release very soon.

Seventeen years ago. On a cold, dark evening. A sixteen year old girl begs for her life. Deaf to her pleas, for some unfathomable reason, she is shot, in cold blood.

Seventeen years later, in the dead of the night, while the whole world sleeps, the man who shot the 16 year old in cold blood, is set free.

I wonder what thoughts must be going through Hultman’s hearts right now? What would I do, if I were in their shoes? I suppose, forgiveness comes, eventually, at some point in the road. But isn’t it also true that one must pay for the consequences of one’s sin?

What is the basis for clemency? For pardon? Can someone please explain this to me? If you were the Hultman’s how would you feel? Is 17 years behind bars enough penalty? Maybe it is. Did Mr.Teehankee find God in jail?

I would be very interested in a story, in an interview with him. How was your life changed by the experience? What did you discover while you were in jail?

Are you planning to seek the Hultman’s forgiveness?

If the Jewish concentration camp prisoner was able to forgive the Nazi who massacred his entire family…If the Amish whose daughters were mercilessly shot by the man who took them hostage were able to forgive…

No one is beyond redemption. There is earthly justice and Divine justice. I suppose the story does not end here. It would be interesting to listen to the opinion and the sentiments of both sides and see how the story will unravel from hereon.

Once there was a young girl who did very well in school. She excelled in all subjects up until the fourth grade. One day, while in Math class, on one of those rare days when she wasn’t quite prepared, her teacher called on her to answer a question. Unfortunately, after much fidgeting in her seat, she wasn’t able to give the right one. Rather than making her sit down, as most teachers would, this particular Math teacher lambasted and criticized the 10-year old to the point of saying “I don’t like the expression on your face…” Holding back her tears, she sat down dejected. From then on, the little girl began to hate Math with a passion and struggled with it for the rest of her elementary and high school years.

I know that story very well because that 10-year old was me.

To this day, I vividly remember how she looked - a smirk on her face while mocking me from where she sat, eyeing me from head to foot. Ironically, she was a favorite teacher of some of my classmates. Apparently, she appealed to a certain group and had her own fan base. However, in my eyes she was the worst of the lot. Fortunately, in high school I was blessed with more patient, kind and understanding math mentors who helped me overcome my phobia for the subject.

Whether it is Math, Science, English or even a Religion class - the teacher student relationship is a very powerful and tenuous one. On one end of the spectrum, are teachers who seemingly thrive on wielding Nazi-like powers. On the other hand, there are teachers who are absolute darlings and can do no wrong. When a teacher enters a classroom she brings her whole self –biases included. The best teachers, I have found, are those who have had their share of life-changing experiences and who carry no bitterness whatsoever. They take time out to listen to you and are astute enough to see if a child is having difficulty or problems. As a teacher, you can be strict but caring and can exact the highest standards from your students without being rude or offensive.

It is every parent’s nightmare to have his or her child experience verbal abuse in the hands of a teacher. When it is a teacher who verbally abuses or bullies a child, it is almost unforgivable because the dynamics of the relationship is a highly unequal one. As a parent, your hands are tied sometimes. You may want to complain against a teacher, but your child pleads with you not to because he or she knows that they will never hear the end of it until the school year is over. It’s worse, if you get that teacher again (as I did when I had the same Math teacher in the 6th grade, so you can imagine what that year was like for me, emotionally) in a subsequent year level.

Like history repeating itself, my son was “bullied” by his Math teacher in the second grade. It was such a terrible experience for him so much so that he began to draw his teacher as a wicked witch in many of his drawings. He became an 8-year old wreck and we had to undo over one year, the damage that his Math teacher had wrought upon him. Thankfully, that teacher of his took a job in a public school in North Carolina and is now far away from further torturing another Filipino child.
What can a parent do when your child experiences verbal use in school?
Patricia Evans, author of the best-selling book “The Verbally Abusive Relationship” says that one of the first things parents need to do is to reassure their child that what has just taken place is not acceptable. “If your child is yelled at or put down in any way, she or he needs your support. Sometimes a parent may inadvertently teach a child to put up with abuse. It is sometimes helpful to ask yourself, “Is there anything in what I’ve said that minimizes the abuse?” If a child is told by a parent, “She [he] didn’t mean that,” the child’s experience is invalidated and his or her pain discounted. The abuse is minimized and the child is taught to tolerate it.” In other words, when you say to your child – “Oh just let it go, he was having a bad day.” – the message that you are conveying is that a bad day is an excuse for yelling, name-calling or saying hurtful words.
It is also very important to acknowledge your child’s feelings. When you do this, you validate your child’s experience. Evans says, ‘In this way you teach your child appropriate responses to verbal abuse and help your child to honor his or her own feelings.” If you disregard or teach your child to pretend that words don’t hurt, it makes the child doubt himself. With older children, sometimes, all they need to know is that they can count on you for emotional support and that you will stand by them.
In general, verbal abuse is very eroding and can create doubts in even the brightest of students. An American Academy of Pediatrics Report published in 1999 found that graduating students who reported experiencing verbal abuse during medical school had less confidence in their clinical abilities than those who were not abused, according to a nationwide study. And these are adults, mind you, how much more if the verbal abuse took place in elementary or high school.
Schools, whether private or public, need to create teaching training programs so that verbal abuse can be minimized in schools. A parent can care for and protect the child at home, but sometimes the threat can come from the school setting. Admittedly, the teaching profession, has its own attendant stressors, thus, it becomes even more important for teachers to do some degree of inner work so that they do not foist their issues and prejudices on some hapless child. I am both a mother and a teacher – both “jobs” carry such a huge responsibility.

One lesson I have learned through the years is that each child is different and a huge amount of patience is required in both teaching and mothering. Fear is far easier to instill in the hearts of one’s children or student, but respect and love are traits that are both precious and difficult to come by whether you are a mother or a teacher. Both have to earned and children are like puppies in a way, they can smell and spot the genuine ones from the fake. I set high standards in the classroom but I also choose to be the one that they remember with love.

What’s there not to love about this month?

Of course I am probably biased It’s the one month in the year when practically everyday, there is someone I know who has a birthday maybe we co-Librans just like hanging out with each other. There isn’t an Octoberian I know that I didn’t like. Those of you reading this know who you are

I found this old phtograph of mine while digging through my mother’s trove of old albums. As you get deeper into mid-life that’s one thing you love to do… well, I guess unless you had an unhappy childhood. I must have been four or five here. For the life of me, I can’t remember why nakapayong ako?!? Hindi naman tumutulo ang bubong namin! Maybe gusto ko lang mag-emote.

Childhood photographs always give us a glimpse of our real selves. The persons we were before life became complicated, before we felt we had to adjust our personalities and psyches so that we could be accepted by others. When my daughter saw this photo, she laughed and said, “gosh mom, you we’re such a priss” Who me? Well, take a look at the frou-frou socks and the impish grin. As my friend Anne says, childhood is always the age of innocence.

At mid-life you come to terms with many things, and hopefully, after a long and sometimes arduous process of introspection, you return to the authentic self - the “real you”. The you before life and love became complicated. The you that surfaces after you’ve slain your dragons and rid yourself of the non-essentials. I look at this photograph and I see a familiar smile. “The priss” is finally back in a kinder, wiser form, minus the socks. Thank God!

This is the second part in a series of birthday wishes for me. Libre ang mangarap, so please indulge me…

NEW BALANCE WX780WP

Running Shoes

I’m a second generation runner and a second generation fan of New Balance running shoes. Nike pushes you to “Just Do It” and with Adidas, “Impossible IS Nothing” but it’s New Balance that makes you “Spread the Love” — o diba? Ang layo.

Nevertheless, from experience, NB really does it for me in terms of running. I love my current NB shoes which was a gift from my children last mother’s day. I’d like to get another pair to alternate with the ones I have right now. In my search, this is what I found - the NB WX780WP which is lightweight, flexible, a cushioned trainer that features Lateral ABZORB EX - the world’s softest cushioning - designed to support diverse workouts. I’m not too crazy about pink but the fuschia against silver makes for a fun combination. If Manolos and Jimmy’s do it for other women, ako simple lang — just give me my New B’s and I’m ready to get up and go.

POLAR RS100 Heart Rate Monitor

“Your Heart Knows How to Make Every Beat Count.”

Whether you want to train to improve your performance or simply want to lead a healthier lifestyle, the most effective way to do both is to listen to your body. Of course, if you have no way of understanding it, you have no way of knowing what it’s telling you. And this is the reason why a Polar heart rate and activity monitors is on my wishlist.

How does it work?

As you get fitter by training with your heart rate monitor, your heart is able to pump more blood with every beat. The upshot of this is that your heart doesn’t have to beat as often to get the required oxygen to your muscles, which in turn decreases your resting and exercise heart rate. As a result of training, your muscles utilize the oxygen better, meaning you can put more effort in and still maintain the same heart rate. On the other hand, with activity monitoring you can measure your health beneficial movement and track your activity level to accurately record information about your active time, intensity and calorie expenditure. Because I am a newbie to running, I just need the basic model for now. Having one attached to my wrist will give me enough peace of mind to know that my heart rate isn’s all over the place (I have a heart condition that strangely disappears while I exercise) and that I am within my target heart zone. Oh, and I’m going to need a Polar Wearlink Coded Transmitter Belt to go with that too. Othewise, di nya masusukat ang bawa’t tibok ng puso ko

Having said that, you now have an idea of where my passion and obsession lies. I have one more wish and ironically, as the days go by, I can see how all the wishes fit together and how all of this is slowly falling into place. Let’s save the last wish for tomorrow, and in a few weeks time, I’ll tell you guys how this is all going to fit together like the pieces of a puzzle, orchestrated by God, no less.

Okay. I’m no Angelica Panganiban, and neither is my spouse a Derek Ramsay. But our duo has something very similar to their duo in the sense that we are both opposites.

I am south to his north, I am the creative one, he is the more sensible one. When you open his cabinets, everything is in it’s proper order, filed according to function and color. When you open mine, well…. you better have a helmet on, lest something comes crashing down your head.

Differences notwithstanding, we learn from each other and hopefully bring out the best (sometimes the worst… but that’s another story) in one another. I couldn’t help but smile when I read this article on Angelica and Derek. Consider too that there is quite an age gap between them so it’s expected that A will learn more from D because he has more to teach. Maybe they should do a second part of this email and ask D what A has brought into his life perhaps?

Says she –

Boyfriend Derek Ramsey has done wonders to broaden her perspective. The London-raised hunk is outgoing where Angelica can be painfully shy. He goes out of his way to call up press people and explain his side when an issue arises. He greets everybody, from the highest to the lowest in the cast and production crew.

“I’m afraid people will ignore me,” Angelica says. “That’s why I don’t initiate conversations.”

Derek has taught her to take risks in dealing with others, to trust in their willingness to make friends and put themselves in her shoes.

Now, Angelica is less afraid to let people peek into her thoughts, her feelings.

*Sigh. What love can do…. Read the rest of the article here.