lots of things happen lately again… well, i guess this is part and parcel of life.. sometime, we really got to learn from all this mistakes so that one can grow up… sometimes, i thought i can handle well in human relations, relationships with close friends, family or your love one… now that i realise there is no one is this world that can really understand me…

there is one thing that i really feel like giving up… human tends to take things for granted, they will feel that things are suppose to be in certain ways… i always thought that so long as you cherish and go all way out to get whatever things you like or want, you will eventually succeed… but i realise its not true… maybe i am just expecting too much… i hope things will just go my way… but i am totally wrong..

maybe i should let nature takes it course… i should not be requesting or be demanding anymore…

I loved you more than I have ever known
Those starry eyes
Those tender lips
You made my heart melt
Then boil into a roaring fire
I now know
What my eyes could not see
You are the only one that is for me
Many nights those tears flew
Being myself without anyone
Anyone to care about the thoughts
Looking at the sky and knowing
Many mistakes I had
Many mistakes I have had
“Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a teardrop.”

i dunno y, but over the past 2 weeks, i really think i enjoy what i am doin. Nv did i regret, but i realise this is something i did not had a chance to come across. I feel tat i m the happiest girl in this world.. I duno if this happy feeling is going to end soon, but i tell myself i will cherish each and every moment..

I think i had began to like him more and more… I wish i can see him everyday, i wish he is oways by my side, i wish we can talk abt everything under the sun.. But will this really happen? Will he be oways there for me when i need him most?

I fell sick for this past 2weeks.. Its really terrible.. Especially at this point in time, i need him so much.. But its so limited within ourselves. Never did i ever think tat i will have such feelings after so many years.. Never did i ever thought tat i would be missing someone like crazy..

I tried telling myself maybe i should not be missing him, calling or sms but i think its because i cant control myself…

I want to tell him: i really miss u alot and i hope tat everything will work out fine…

Yesterday was the first day back to work after the long weekend… things are going slow in the office. Just clearing some of the stuff like email, calling clients and etc… nothing much happen…  all of us decided to get something for B cuz his birthday is this Friday… I thought of getting him a wallet.. what I think of is Gucci… quite nice I suppose, so I decided to go to orchard to have a look… went back to school as I’ve got some important forms to submit… I ask K if he had finish his exams and if he wana go town with me to select a birthday present for B… haha, I reli enjoy cuz its been a long time since I went to orchard to shop during weekday… lesser crowd.. we went straight to Gucci @ Paragon.. after browsing for a few wallets, we decided to get the one that we think suits him most..

We decided to head to Far East Plaza to shop, cuz I wana buy some clothes and shorts… while waiting for M and B, we just walk around the shopping centre.. I den went into a shop to try out some tops and I love it so much… haha… so nice lor..

When M and B came to meet us, we went for dinner, we ate Ramen… I guess M enjoyed herself a lot… and of cuz me too.. seldom got a chance to reli shop… all of us thought maybe we should just find a place to chill out.. we decided to go Helipad @ Central Mall.. but end up we cant go in as there is a specific dress code to adhered to.. we headed to Mount Faber… cuz I want to go for Frustration… a drink that can either make one person “High” or drunk… so it all depends on your mood when you drink…

I duno why, I had lots of feelings when I drink Frustration… it can be something that make me happy when I think of it, it can also be things that had oways make me feel uncomfortable…. Someone ask me if I am feeling unhappy… some says that I look happier than last time… but I think deep down inside, I am not happy at all… I can show others my smile, my laughter… but I cant deceived myself for the fact that there are somethings that are still not solved… can someone tell me what I should do??

I want a marriage which is long lasting… which I think the following are really important…        

Continue to build intimacy, Create passion for life and for one another, Forgive one another, Don’t hang on to past baggage and past hurts, Be willing to let go and to move forward with your lives, Continue to be committed to each other and celebrate your sense of commitment, Like one another and be friends with each other, Have fun together, laugh together, and use humor in healthy ways, Comfort, encourage, and affirm one another, Be able to stand on your own feet as a couple and not be dependent either financially or emotionally on either of your parents, Respect one another’s need for privacy and space, Deal with a crisis and adversity together, Fight fair, Accept your differences and don’t try to change your spouse, Keep romance alive in your marriage.

But of course, the night ended happily with K, M and B…I think its really true that sometimes, and if there is a day, you find that you can talk things with someone you trust or like, it will be very wonderful…

The below is for someone that i oways miss… 

This is for every hour
We have ever spent together
For every kiss,
Each embrace,
And for every tear shed for one another.

Most of all, this is for you from me
To show you just how special
I believe you really are,
To thank you,
And to let you know that
I will always love you.

it was quite sometimes since i posted an entry in my blog… was really busy this past few weeks and lots of things happen unexpectedly.. i duno if i would say its good or bad tat happen, but i had nv regret it…

 its PH today again… but i am all alone at home, feeling sick and many things just float across my mind. thinking back the sat that had just past, i enjoy the times moving from BB to YS to JW to WCP… haha its lots of fun with you guys there… thou its tiring cuz of the travelling time, but i enjoy the moment, something that i had nv done before…. i oways believe that its nv about where the destination is, its all about who is that someone that is doing this things with you. went back aound 3am… i cant fell asleep… having some thoughts in my mind… finally, i guess i’ve got to know what i really want…

something creepy…

someone gave me tis before my exam… he knows that i like little twin star… and seriously speaking… i was really surprise cuz i had nv thought that he would do this for me….

~~~LETTING GO ~~~ 

Sooner or later, everyone you know will disappoint you in some way. 

They’ll say something or fail to say something that will hurt you. And they’ll do something or fail to do something that will anger you. It’s able. 

Unfortunately, you make things worse when you stew over someone’s words and deeds. When you dwell on a rude remark or an insensitive action made by another person, you’re headed for deeper problems. 

In fact, the more you dwell on these things, the more bitter you’ll get. 

You’ll find your joy, peace and happiness slipping away. And you’ll find your productivity slowing down as you find more and more time thinking about the slight or telling others about it. Eventually, if you don’t stop doing it, you’ll even get sick. So what should you do the next time someone betrays you? TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR FEELINGS. Even though the other person may be at fault, even though the other person wronged you, you are still responsible for your own feelings. 

In other words, other people do not “cause” your feelings. You choose them. 

For example, two different people could be told that their suggestions made at the staff meeting were stupid and idiotic.” One person may “choose” to feel so hurt that he never speaks up at any other meeting again. The other person may “choose” to feel sorry for the critic, sorry that the critic 
couldn’t see the wisdom and necessity of her suggestions. 

As long as you blame other people for your feelings, as long as you believe other people caused your feelings, you’re stuck. You’re a helpless victim. 

But if you recognize the fact that you choose your feelings and you are responsible for your feelings, there’s hope. You can take some time to think about your feelings. And you can decide what is the best thing to say or do. 

Then, you’ve got to learn to WALK AWAY FROM DISAPPOINTMENT. 

you need to FORGIVE. It’s difficult, especially when the other person doesn’t deserve your forgiveness or doesn’t even seek it. It’s difficult when the other person is clearly in the wrong. 

Part of the difficulty comes from a common misunderstanding of forgiveness. 

Forgiveness doesn’t mean that the other person’s behavior is okay. And forgiveness doesn’t mean that the other person is off the hook. He’s still responsible for his misbehavior. 

Forgiveness is about letting yourself off the emotional hook. It’s about releasing your negative emotions, attitudes, and behaviors. It’s about letting go of the past so you can go forward to the future. 

Everyone in your life, everyone on and off the job is going to disappoint you. If you know how to respond to those situations, you’ll be way ahead of most people. You’ll be able to live above and beyond your circumstances. 

Identify two people that have disappointed, hurt, or angered you. If possible, select two people towards whom you still have some bitterness. 

Then ask yourself, “How does my bitterness serve me? Am I happier holding on to it? 

Do I sleep better? 

Is my life richer, fuller, and better because of my bitterness?” 

If you find that your bitterness is hurting you, make a decision. 

Actually decide to let it go. 

Walk away from the disappointment — which means you no longer dwell on it or talk about it.The CHOICE is yours!

he said he is gg to 四马路 观音堂， and wanted me to go with him… i got a divination that says its a good year for marriage, illness can be cured and why do i have to fret when the one i am seeking is right here for me… i was quite glad to see this, thou some may say i shouldnt be believing so much on all this, but at least its a consolation to all my unhappy thoughts.while we were walking along bugis street, i saw my fav little twin star… haha, i think he looks much happier than me, cuz he ever said, the oni way to make my dear dear happy is little twin star… sometime I feel tat he is thoughtful, but insensitive..he bought me a lot of twin star.. of cuz I am happy.. but we had not talk or discuss about the “topic”.. haiz.. I din wan to spoil mood as Sunday is the only day for us to go out together… he said dennis is at orchard, so we headed to orchard to meet up with him.. went for lunch at wisma food court den he accompany me to orchard to collect my bracelet.. while we were waiting for my bracelet, the sales executive were showing us some “blink” rings.. he ask me if I like which one.. I looked at him… I know tats a proposal ring… and he reli bought it… at that moment of time… a lot of things came to my mind… i know he do love me but he dun know how to express… he just doesn’t like me to think of unhappy things… thou we both did not say much about the “topic”, we ended our day blissfully… J

Went for my hair cut in the afternoon. My mood wasn’t tat good ever since last night. A lot of things is affecting me… we had come to a point to dislike each other’s doing.. is it for good or bad.. i dun know, but i guess its good t talk things out..

he said he do not have mood to continue his class and he wanted to meet me.. well, im still in the midst of doing my hair treatment, so i told him i’ll call him later.

he bought me my favourite wan ton mee.. after dinner, we watch movie.. my mood wasnt feeling good cuz there are so much things in my mind.. things that i think we should talk things out, so i decided to wait till the movie is over..

by the time i reach home after the movie, its already 3am… was watching SCV channel 52, the program is about should guys be keeping ex-gf’s stuff or contacting ex-gf.. haiz… this is one thing tat is bothering me.. some might say its just friends, keeping it as memories etc, but i guess no girls would accept this kind of reasons.

i ended the telephone conversation with him about 5am… still cant get to sleep… i am just feeling too tired to think….

at last today its friday again.. This week had passed so quickly, guess its due to the PH.. Trying to clear as much as possible during work, cuz i really need to start my school assignment had not started at all and the due date is on the 8th oct.

I’ve got class today but im too tired to concentrate but manage to take down notes for assignment.. Left class early after the lecturer touch on the assignment.. I told A im gg BQ, he ask me go back park car den he’ll buy dinner for me.. I dunno why but i juz feeling moody all of a sudden when we meet.. After having my dinner, we rested awhile and suddenly i ask him a question, i ask him if he’ve got anything to tell me what had happen today, i even said maybe i should ask him everyday if he got anything to update me.. He said ’she’ called him today… I pause for a moment….

Sometimes i really wonder y promise are not meant to be kept.. Its juz a simple promise i requested.. But it had nv been fulfilled… In simple terms, if u cant do it, dun over promise.. Seriously speaking, i had given up hope for certain things.. Maybe its my life tat i’ve got to go thru this.

Its weekend tmr.. But right now at this moment of time, i m not yearning towards it.. I rather keep myself busy and not think of anything..