Soliloquy
soliloquy: (noun) 1. an utterance or discourse by a person who is talking to himself or herself or is disregardful of or oblivious to any hearers present (often used as a device in drama to disclose a character’s innermost thoughts) 2. the act of talking while or as if alone.
Sometimes I find myself being overly apologetic. There comes a thought in my head that if someone doesn’t like me, perhaps it’s something that I did wrong. Of course, not everyone is going to like me, especially when it comes to matters of the heart. So sometimes I guess I end up trying too hard. I sometimes just want to talk with her, more than I do now. If a girl doesn’t like me, she doesn’t like me. I do hope to gain her favor, but I probably won’t gain that favor by being overly terrified.
Understand that my intention is not to embarrass. But rather to convey myself. But I’m not too sure how coherent I am. Again with the heavy thinking: I wonder if I come across too strong? I don’t want to, but I also don’t want to let a possibility slip by due to lack of trying.
Besides food and shelter, emotional connection is a fundamental human requirement. Everyone wants to love someone, and be loved in return. I shall make no apologies for feeling this way, even if she does not feel that way in return. But one can hope, right? Giving up hope is pretty bleak.
I think a lot of people have a tendency to focus on things they lack, and rarely acknowledge the positives. I know I can be that way. I am very grateful that I have a secure roof over my head, a decent job, and all those other things. I don’t want to come across as negative or whiner over this particular lack in my life. Although I wish for it to be filled. I do consider that I have some ideals, standards, expectations, and am not just being a shark by jumping at any remote chance that may (or may not) reveal itself. Does that count for something? Does it even make sense?