June 17
Some emo stuff here. You might want to skip it.
Feeling very unhappy today. Looking at the last year, I wonder what I’ve accomplished. In a nutshell, nothing. Looking forward to the next year, I wonder if it’ll be the same crap. Most likely. My own fault. I’ve placed myself into a situation, and am apparently unwilling to remove myself. All in the name of “responsibility”, but where do my own (not unreasonable) desires have a place? I guess nowhere.
The grass is greener. The married people tell me “oh you’re lucky”. How so? Wake up alone, go to bed alone. WTF good is it? Yea, I have nobody to be responsible to other than myself. I can buy expensive toys, but WTF? In the end, it’s meaningless. Right now, my favorite Bible verse is Eccl.I “Vanity of vanities! All is vanity!” I do tend to mock my own state of singleness, but understand, it’s better to laugh at yourself, cause if you let it weigh down, it gets too heavy. But when I say certain things, there is no mocking involved. You wouldn’t understand unless you knew me.
Anyways. Wanted to take the day off, but my supervisor figured it was more important that he take the day off and paint his garage door. Whoopdie fracken do. Thanks. So yea, that’s an emotional vomit. Blagh.