Meh school…*yawns* never enough sleep, dang insomnia…

Politics, class, confusion, and more family issues.I just feel trapped in the middle, unable to take sides, unable to help,What else to do but drown it all out with comforting music? I really want need to talk to someone, but who? My friends still have little contact with me, my friends at school…they won’t understand, they’ll clearly joke around.My cousin and I don’t meet eye to eye (no pun intended here…that is if you see it) and shes acting all superior to me just because shes older than me.A year. Big whoop.I’m smarter then you,you know?

Sorry,I know its not like shes going to read that…but hey, I wanted to use this to speak my mind…well actually really to find my triggers…but that helps too!…I bet no ones reading this, and I’m talking to myself. Hah! I’m used to it, people never notice me anyways, I’m just some random girl.I don’t fit in anywhere.Yet.I hope the high school I’m going to next year helps.

I really just want some support, but I dunno who I can rely on, those I love… I feel so distant from them, my parents, they can’t stop arguing, let alone look one another in the eyes.Its an avoidance game now, and I can’t stand it, I want to help, but theres nothing I can do, television cannot fix the awkward silence.

Please, help me.I need someone to talk to, I helped you through tough times (you know who you are), now I need you’re help.

……..Catdoof get off the keyboard!No, no of-I said off! Don’t make me get water!

Well, I can:

1. Sum it up in a few words
2. Type it out
3. SI

Eliminate choice 3…

1. Sum it up in a few words
2. Type it out
3. SI

Meh as lazy as I feel,I think I’ll type it out.

Woke up Got to school and found out a boy who I’ve had a problem with last year, but luckily moved, refuses to leave me alone.He likes to e-mail one of my friends, and he won’t stop telling my friend to say something to me. I have asked my friend to tell him to stop.Answer is no.Now I’m telling my friend to just stop giving me the messages, lets see how it works out. *Sighs* I really wish he’d get out of my life already, he needs to realise I’m not into him and to bug off….

Aside from that…well lets see some boy’s sad attempt to flirt( Already happened 2 times and flirting scares me oh so badly). Slipped and fell-wait that wouldn’t affect me emotionally…Eh, insulted by a former friend, all for my opinion on her beloved Twilight books, though she ended up flirting with the boys though they agreed with me, ha, people these days.what else.. People had picked on me today for their sake, although they know what its like now…

Ahh family issues, one point for me.Just the mentioning give my wrist some tingly feeling, a feeling I always get as a successful trigger. I”ll fight the urge, but if I want to be successful I have to talk to my friends, speaking with them, no matter helps so much, whether they know or not.

Meh I really shouldn’t update on weekends.Nothing really happens,I see most of my problems come from school.I’m getting somewhere, though I want to find the exact…Uhh variables?No…Well you get it.

sadly now later as  I post,I have a feeling to.Not a smart reason, its just as one really close friend hasn’t  really contacted me much.Call me stupid, but it kinda hurts.

Alright, one day passed.Not much of an urge at all.Yes, as an SI-er, you somehow become “addicted” to it, so yes it is in fact harder than it sounds to quit.

Nothing happened much today, went to the store, my little cousin came over, went back to her house, played video games, etc…so nothing.Nothing that triggers it just yet.

First, “What is the butterfly project?”you ask. First its regarding SI-ing, the squeamish may leave.

1. You simply draw a butterfly on your wrist, or wherever the self harm is inflicted.
2. However long you go without self harming, the longer the butterfly lives.
3. You cut, its dies.

Leave if you wish, this is more for my sake than yours. Its for me to keep track of what may trigger my SI-ing.Why do you ask am I trying to stop?Simple in’t it?For one it isn’t healthy, secondly…Si-ing affects more than you.Its hurts those around you, you’re loved ones.

Let me stop you before you say it.No, I’m not emo.I find the fad very annoying, and those who find cutters “hot” as they so nicely say it, are imbeciles.

Anyways I’m getting off topic now.so really its like a personal journal for now.I know Internet…But hey beats getting my diary journal being confiscated for who knows why at school or being peeked at from home.

If you wanna keep updated, feel free to come back, if you don’t, I really couldn’t care less…though this is here specifically for one person really…
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