And an official end.Urges, no more.Triggers, ineffective. I’ve gotten used to the idea of ignoring the outside world.I’ve gained better thoughts from not so old memories, and just the path I’m on now is making me happier.

Thanks for reading and your comments.Can’t say I’m shocked for it to end so soon.Again thanks to everyone, and especially you Matt, you’ve been really supportive.

I should try again.I gave up too easily last time.I know, its only been, what a week or two?I want to try once more, as its a bit…well I can’t really think of what I’m saying now, I actually think I’m just…speaking without thinking haha.

Well anyways, if you’re reading this, refer to my main category and read on to find out, I bet you’ll probably read, but meh, its for really my need…as well I always forget about my diary despite just fixing it up recently…

I won’t begin today, but I will oficially tomorrow, I think one thing I should certainly do is dispose of that blade….

on the bright side I lasted a month…I slipped last night.Too much was going on, I broke down, crying and craving the pain.I dunno, start over, or just give up? I just want to give up, I don’t know any other way to.

No more support, everyone is living their own lives and I’m pretty much just an outsider.I’m afraid I’ve said something wrong, and I feel I’ve just been left behind.I don’t know anymore.I’m still a joke, and I’m still forcing myself to put on an act.I can’t force myself out of the act, nor can I force myself to tell anyone,I’ll look like a stereotypical fool to them.*sighs* what to do,I’ll eventually get over this, but for now,I’m surely stuck…

My self esteem, conscious, and just my thoughts in general aren’t strong enough to keep me.I’ve had enough , I don’t want to give in, but really I’ve just been wanting the pain.

I can’t do anything right, whatever I say tends to give the wrong idea.I can’t convince people how I feel.I’ve been near crying these past few days, people don’t get me, and I feel no one even cares I’m here.I’m a joke to everyone around me.Nothing is serious no matter how I say it.I’m weak.Pathetic.

I’m just a stupid kid with silly little problems.I know.I always start arguments.I always rant, complain, cry, and insult people, yet I can’t take hits.I’m not going to survive this cruel world.

One thing runs through my mind every second ‘If I died or disappeared, would anyone really care? ‘ I don’t know the answer.I want someone to answer this question; something, anything!

I’m confused and scared, unable to fend off anything.I want help, but its not like there’ll be anyone there to comfort me.I want to scream.Scream I’m confused.I’m scared.I’m angry.I’m worried.Scream I don’t know my purpose anymore.I want help, but is there no more support for me?Will there ever be any, or am I trapped in this world all alone to suffer?Did I ever do something bad in a past life, and can I change my fate?What is my fate then?Will anyone ever understand?Do I have to yell to get someone to notice?Will anyone just see it clearly that I want help?

Well I’m back off of break, so I’m back to updating ( I know thats the opposite of normal people, point?), and well I can’t say I’m that happy

1. My friends are trying to pair me up with one of my other friends (don’t worry its a dude), when I’m pretty much taken.
2. That new kid…When will he figure out no one likes him?Let alone that I despise him?
3. All thanks to a few students, I can’t go one hour without agitation. *sighs* when you get a label thats sounds like a threat, boys will try you to see how long it’ll take you to snap and attack…

I dunno, seems the break had either made me more vulnerable and weaker, or it made everyone else stronger.I feel weak and that if I just disappeared or died, barely anyone would care.all I want to do is just hide in the safety of my room and never leave.People don’t understand me and don’t care.Only a handful of people trust me and some are out of fear, I take jokes seriously, and these jokes have really been harsh if I think about it, and my past…its just scares me to think of what happened in the past now(meaning the past 3 years…).*sighs* well back to the real world, with no escape other than deafening loud music to drown everything out.

My God, my tourniquet 

return to me salvation…