When I woke up this morning I felt like it was one of those days. I have my okay days and I have my days when it is hard to be motivated or just not be crying. I used to be ashamed of those days and I never wanted to let my friends and family know about some of the negative thoughts that crossed my mind. I never realized that being open my depression with the ones that matter would lift a huge burden. I always felt so alone and so hopeless. Sometimes I still feel that way, but I know that I have supportive friends and they are always guaranteed fun and smiles. Thinking about all this made me realize that, at some point, I would LOVE to work as a counselor or even for a suicide hot line. Maybe it sounds somewhat morbid, but, personally, sometimes just knowing someone else is there, in person or via technology, can help ease your sadness. Emo kids (aka. depressed in this sense) should not be ashamed of their emotions. Sometimes we may not feel as happy as others or we may have different ways of tending to our pain, but, ultimately, I realized, we must embrace this difference! Now, by all means, I am not saying use depression as an excuse for calling out of work, I am simply stating that it is okay to let a few friends know that there may come a time when you call upon them just because you need someone to talk to. It is okay to tell your parents that sometimes you don’t want to talk to anybody, because of the way you feel. I just know that I became so consumed by how people would judge me I neglected myself and my emotions and, more importantly, people I care about. So brush the wispy black bangs from your eyes emo boy or girl and pat yourself on the back! Bottom line, you should love yourself for who you are and if your emo, by god then love emo you!

Now that I’m done be philosophical I can recap my festive day. I forgot about the spontaneous Lego session at my house last night until I managed to drag myself out of bed at 11:30 and saw the various vehicles on the floor. Just as I got ready to jump in the shower Keldan called to tell me it was time to head to the pumpkin patch. I rushed around and by the time they arrived the plans had changed- all seven of us were going. We didn’t really go to a patch. It was a tent on the side of the road. This city is definitely not a pumpkin patch type of place. Everyone found really nice looking pumpkins. Two kids got large gourds and I got an albino pumpkin (I had a Hello Kitty pumpkin in mind).

After everyone had their pumpkins we retreated to Keldan’s house. We had some veggies burgers, candy, and lots of yummy food before carving pumpkins. It was my first food of the day, so  I was in heaven. My Hello Vampire Kitty came out awesome! I had never seen a white pumpkin and it worked so well. I am camera-less,  but Kristen took a crap ton of pictures and once I get them I promise to post. Michelle made a Jack the Pumpkin King pumpkin from her gourd and we are all hoping it hardens into a shell she can keep. Since my pumpkin was white the skin was a little thicker. I’m hoping this means it stays longer. It was a pain to do some of the carving because I had to really jab the knife in there. I scared my friends unintentionally a few times.

Q stopped by tonight during my post pumpkin carving festivities. We were just chilling and he joined us for a bit. We didn’t really talk too much while we sat together, but when we hugged before he left we shared a few, but important, words. He asked me if I was okay and I told him I would be and I just wanted to know he was okay. I started to tear up and I told him it’s just hard sometimes, but he held me tight and told me to just keep going the direction I’m headed. He kissed me on the forehead. And we just stared at each other for awhile. He said he may stop by tomorrow. I hope I get to see him. I really missed him these past few days. I remember looking forward to a day off, because it meant I could spend time with Q and this break I kept thinking about that and it made it hard. I had promised myself I wouldn’t initiate contact with him, but I had to text him right now. He had a burn on his face and I just wanted to make sure he has or plans to see a doctor.

I can’t believe another weekend has ended. I’m super excited about Halloween and I can actually smile about Q. Good night world.

This entry was posted on Monday, October 29th, 2007 at 6:03 am and is filed under Life. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.