It Happened Again
Last night I was doing okay when I blogged. Then I had some friends stop by and hang out for awhile. Once they left and I was alone I got really sad again. The emptiness of the house got to me and I’ve been missing my friend that I have feelings for (let’s now call him Q). So it came down to me sitting there and feeling as down as yesterday. As I felt the emptiness spread inside my body I couldn’t stop imaging Q’s arms wrapped around me. Then I thought about him in general and I felt more lost. I laid on the couch afraid to move. I didn’t want to hurt myself, but when the pain inside feels like that you want a distraction like that. I knew what I had to do. I was a bit reluctant at first, but I called Q. He’s been the only one I could ever open up to and I know he has the power to make me feel better. He didn’t answer. I laid some more. I tried texting a few people and one of my buddies called back. He was studying, but he reminded me of the transcendentalists and the beastiality of nature (I was going to read Thoreau so thats how this came up). I wound up reading some Emily Dickenson and felt much better after just letting it out. Q also called back eventually and I briefly saw him. He asked what was wrong, but I couldn’t tell him. He was there for me and that was all I needed. He held me tight when we hugged and that especially helped. I feel worn out today though. It drains me when I get bummed. I did see Q again in the morning. He stopped by before I left to work and it made my day 
He’s such a great guy. I wish I could tell him.