We last left off with Q being controlling and my heart leaning towards another. The new man shall be called JC. Now JC had been friends and I’ve always know he has an extremely kind soul. When Q and I were still together and Q was short with me about certain situations, JC would help me understand and be patient with my sometimes slow learning process. JC caught me at a few inopportune times, during the lowest points of my depression over Q, and would find me at my house in tears. He’d listen and encourage me to be strong and remind me that I’m not the terrible, cold hearted bitch Q makes me out to be. He and I have now officially become a couple and I couldn’t be happier. We are taking things slow and at the same time I don’t want to rush into anything quite yet. I really care for this guy, but I must confess, my heart is still in abit of a fragile state. I have definitely been able to open up, but I guess you could say I’m not counting my eggs before they hatch.

The most recent excitement with Q (minus his bashing MySpace posts…really mature, huh?) was him cornering me in my office (he works with me at the moment)………

…until next time…..

Wow. That about sums up why I haven’t been online so much. I guess everything came to a head and seemed to take a turn for the worst when Q got angry and jealous when he found out that I have been seeing a mutual friend of ours. He said some pretty harsh stuff and called the other guy to ream him. It was a bit scary at times, because Q would be obsessive and he randomly popped in. On the other hand, I am truly starting to have feelings for the other guy and when everything went down with Q my emotions were sloshed together. Any old feelings for Q resurfaced when he began to claim he never gave up hope on us- despite of some of the nasty things he said. Whereas, the new guy and I have this chemistry and we just clicked. We had been hanging around with each other more often and then something just happened. The feelings are mutual, but both of us were at a tug-of-war with our emotions when Q got thrown in.

….uh-oh, i have to end there. my parents are here to take me to dinner….

to be continued……

My photo recap wasn’t as complete as I had planned. I got sidetracked when some friends stopped by, so I’ll get back to doing that once I’m home again. One the plus side today was the first day my parents havent said anything negative to me since I’ve gotten my lip pierced.

much love

SO, I haven’t written in quiet awhile, but I’ve been busy. Work by day and see friends at night. Whenever I am home I’m loving the kitties or snapping pics with my new camera. My snakebites are healing nicely, but my parents are still being hostile towards me and they keep implying I should take them out. pschh, whatever.

anyways, happy weekend everyone!!!!buddha the business man

So today after work I had planned to get my lip pierced. Q, Leo, and I got to the place and they told us it was two for one. I offered the additional piercing for Q or Leo and Leo decided to get an industrial. Except Leo discovered an industrustrial in itself is a 2 for 1 deal so he dropped that plan. I had been planning to work my way up to snake bites, so I then took up the 2 for offer and got my snake bites! The left side (and first side) bleed for awhile and is super swollen. The other side bled a little and isn’t swollen at all. When I first left the parlor I looked like I had been punched in the mouth. Blood had dried on my top teeth as wells as on my chin and lower lip. It was pretty hardcore. And so begins my extended four day weekend! Yay! I should be seeing some more friends tonight and I get to sleep in tomorrow. My brotheris on his way to take me to get some mouthwash.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!

My apologies for lack of posting. In my defense I have become caught up in this philosophy book about existentialism and I have been having many relatively deep conversations with friends. Last week I celebrated 2 birthdays (Q & Kristen) and Kristen’s resulted in a night out to our favorite bar. Thursday I got to see Aphrodite and Friday I saw Donald Glaude. Saturday I had a late start and Eileen and I spent our evening prepping for the first annual “Friendsgiving” potluck at my house. The whole gang came and our menu consisted of sushi, tempura, pizza, dino chicken nuggets, 2 cheesecakes, brownies, cookies, skillet queso, hummus, thanksgiving casserole and more. When the party thinned out a bit we did some sake bombing and played scrabble. So life has been good. Yesterday I had a few points of “blah” and it was intensified by Q’s frustrations. He’s been feeling down and seems stuck in a rut. I just wish there was more I could do. I lended my listening ear, but I don’t know how much it helped.

So until next time……

I apologize for my lack of writings…party o’clock went until last night…..lmao. It was a fun weekend- it was exactly what I needed. I’ll go into more details later. I have to be quick, because I’m baking cookies and the last batch got a bit more “golden” brown then I expected due to my distraction of “Most Smartest Model.”

I don’t share this blog with people I’m close to, because this is my “venting” blog. However, I don’t mind people from here becoming my myspace friend since we would have that impersonal barrier, which would make me feel less worried about what you think. On that note, and since I am at work, add me to your friends list!!

www.myspace.com/my_heartshaped_box

p.s. it was totally party o’clock this weekend! Last night was also a late one due to an impromptu Halo battle and ice cream…

This message is most likely going to machines, but for those that are human- STOP PUTTING PHARMACEUTICAL SPAM ON MY PAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I already have medicine you jackasses, so LEAVE ME ALONE!!!

thank you

On the up side- it’s the weekend and it will be party o’clock everyday!!

I felt like posting some poetry, so here it goes (this is all from the last 6 months):

Just Us:

Can’t we dance one more night
and watch the sky swirl below us
to construct our dreams on foundations
of hope within walls of memories and insulted with love.
I beg the sun to conquer the storm’s angry head
and shine on your clouded smile.
I reach for the stars as I search for you
and will never let go if you let me.
The ocean that runs between us will run dry
and the walls surrounding you will crumble
as I hand you my heart.

————————————————-

On My Mind:

I feel microscopic on this spinning sphere
spread on a lens to be studied
without you by my side.
My body is numb and consciousness hypnotized
by every insignificant sound.
I reach blindly for something to hold on to,
something to light up my dark inner sanctum,
but my chest falls hopelessly
with every shallow breath
as I wait to hear your voice or feel your warmth.